It wasn't too long ago when Nintendo inadvertently let it slip that beloved children's videogame character Mario had nipples - which I suppose shouldn't come as THAT major of a revelation. He's human, so it stands to reason he would have nipples. But we never had to officially SEE them before Mario Odyssey - it could be one of those unspoken things that you never had to confront. But honestly, I miss those times now - because Nintendo has again inadvertently revealed part of a Mario Bros.' anatomy - but this time it's far, far more upsetting.

You see, the above piece of key art from the upcoming Mario Tennis Aces reveals something we all knew was true deep in the back of our minds, but never thought we would have to actually deal with: LUIGI HAS A DICK.


That is an unmistakeable bulge in Luigi's tight little tennis shorts, right at the crotch area, and shaped just like you'd guess Luigi's dick would be shaped (I don't really see room for any testicles in there, but that's a debate for another day). Luigi has a dick. We all have to live in this world, and there's nothing any of us can do about it.

And as if this weren't bad enough, it didn't end with everyone going "Oh weird, I can see Luigi's dick." See, this is the internet, so that means when something like this happens, the internet goes and CALCULATES HIS EXACT FLACCID DICK LENGTH:


Yep, Tumblr user fortooate figured out that Luigi's flaccid penis is about 3.7 inches in length. That's some information you can NEVER unlearn. Luigi has a dick, and it's longer than average.


Don't know what to do with this information? Good. Your childhood is dead - Mario has nipples, Luigi has a 3.7" dick, and Toad's mushroom cap is all head (that didn't come out right). The wholesome image of Nintendo is dead forever - now we live in a world where creepy fan art of Luigi now has basis in actual canon. God help us all.

At least we're a little closer to this being real: