5. Rey's Plan


1. Travel on the Millenium Falcon to exactly where the First Order armada is (pretty bad move, they probably woulda blown you out of the sky instantly)

2. Shoot a coffin-ship off aimed at the main First Order ship (hugely bad move, since they definitely should have shot it out of the sky - and Rey wouldn't have been able to maneuver it at all)

3. Get captured by the First Order and Kylo Ren (if you're not Loki in The Avengers or Silva in Skyfall, getting captured on purpose by your greatest enemy is usually considered a stupid idea)

4. Convince Kylo Ren to turn to the Light Side (not necessarily the WORST idea, since he's shown some level of sympathetic behavior, but...this guy murdered, like, a whole Jedi camp with his pals and his hero is Darth Vader, who also very famously murdered a bunch of Jedi kids. This guy is REAL INTO murdering kids. Might not be an ideal candidate for joining the good guys)

5. Somehow get off the ship, I guess? (pretty poorly thought out - even if she COULD somehow convince Kylo Ren to be a blue-lightsaber-wielding good guy, how were they going to get out of the heart of Snoke's ship unscathed? Unless, of course, there were some kind of deus ex lightspeed kamikaze that would knock everyone out and cause enough chaos that you could slip by in the confusion. But....probably not great if your plan RELIED on that very unlikely event occurring at exactly the right time)

Overall Grade: F

C'mon, every aspect of this plan is crazy and riddled with holes and illogical thinking. Putting this much work and effort into a plan because you have faith in a child murderer is just not worthwhile.

4. Snoke's Plan


1. Create a Force Mind-Connection between your emotionally-unstable apprentice and a very powerful orphan who gave him a scar (uhhh questionable logic on this one - sure, it MIIIIIGHT draw the Very Powerful Orphan closer, but it also could have pushed the already-pissed off apprentice further from your grasp, and give him someone else to cling to, and maybe turn his well-known anger issues against YOU. Haha, but what are the odds of THAT happening?)

2. Hope this mind connection thing makes the VPO deliver herself directly to your apprentice, after which he will deliver her to you (really banking on a lot of huge leaps in logic - what if the mind connection just isn't enough to have VPO make the very stupid decision to fly herself alone into the belly of the beast so she can try to convince the galaxy's angriest adult goth to try being nice)

3. Torture the VPO into giving up the location of Luke Skywalker, so you can go kill him (honestly, solid plan, except for the goal - Luke Skywalker is sitting around and hasn't done anything to anyone in decades. Is it worth expending all of this energy and planning to kill someone who's as good as dead already? Plus, couldn't you - a Force-user so powerful they can connect minds across the galaxy - use your immense power to find him without some convoluted manipulation?)

Final Grade: D-

...since the entire goal of the plan was to kill a guy sitting on a rock, drinking gross milk, and praying for death. Pretty sure it would be best to just leave that dude alone and let nature take its course. You're already in charge of the biggest, most powerful army in the galaxy - maybe spend your time on that instead of plotting to kill some hermit.

3. Poe / Finn / Rose's Plan


1. Travel to Canto Bight (straight-up, pretty bad plan right from the outset. You're taking a ship through lightspeed to get to Canto Bight in time, despite the fact that you know the First Order is tracking ships through lightspeed. Pretty good chance they'd send someone to hunt you down and kill you immediately. Also, a weepy mechanic and a guy whose key personality trait has been "abandoning hist post" are probably not the two best operatives for infiltrating a high-stakes war profiteer casino)

2. Once there, recruit the Master Codebreaker (uhhh that suave-looking dude gambling at a high-stakes table? Yeah, I'm sure an incredibly rich suave gambling guy is gonna wanna take a break from his luxurious lifestyle to go on a suicide mission against the hyper-evil galaxy-wide government that relentlessly hunts down its enemies, and literally JUST blew up like 5 planets. I guess saying "your pal Maz sent us" might get him curious, but the realities of the plan you're going to explain to him would instantly have him laughing in your face and telling you to piss off)

3. Sneak onto the Supremacy, the lead ship of the First Order and Supreme Leader Snoke (this is really dependent on security being unbelievably lax on the most powerful ship in the galaxy, which...is pretty consistent with what we've always seen in Star Wars up until this point. So, solid plan)

4. Sneak into the heart of the ship and disable the First Order's most important piece of tech without anyone noticing, and then leave...also without anyone noticing (hmmm lotta plans involving going deep into the most powerful ship and then hoping you can leave without being noticed. Pretty much all of these plans require a lightspeed kamikaze to act as a distraction, which....well, that's pretty unlikely. Even if it DOES happen, your plan shouldn't DEPEND on it happening)

Final Grade: D

...because as improbable as "sneaking onto a huge enemy ship, dressing up like the enemy to remain undetected, and somehow escapin"g actually has a history of working out okay in this franchise.

2. Holdo's Plan


1. Let a whole bunch of ships just run out of fuel and get blasted to shreds (seems like doing literally anything else with these ships would be a better idea? Why not send them all into lightspeed to different points in the galaxy, forcing the First Order to pick only one of them to attack, while losing tracking of the others?)

2. Specifically hide the true details of your plan from a key member of the Resistance - a known hothead who acts impulsively and is constantly clashing with authority figures (maybe just....tell that guy the plan? So he doesn't do anything rash or impulsive? Which is he known to do? Is there any downside at all in telling him what's going on? Hell, shouldn't EVERYONE know?!)

3. Send remaining Resistance fighters to the planet Crait on small transports, which the First Order would just ignore in favor of continuing to focus on the larger ships (uhhh what? Why is the key part of your plan assuming that the First Order would just ignore a bunch of transport ships leaving the main ships? They know the main ship is running out of fuel - wouldn't they know your only recourse would be to abandon ship at some point? Plus, they absolutely have enough ships and firepower to knock out any and all transports leaving the main cruisers, so it's not like they would be worried about wasting resources. Okay no offense but this is a very bad plan!)

4. Lightspeed kamikaze the last remaining cruiser with yourself as the sole pilot (...this plan is suddenly incredibly badass)

Final Grade: B-

...because I just realized you could have lightspeed kamikaze'd all those ships you let run out of fuel and get blasted to shreds. You could have lightspeed kamikaze'd a whole BUNCH of First Order cruisers! Real missed opportunity.

1. Luke's Plan


1. Chug putrid teal milk squeezed from some gross elephant-cows sitting on the side of a cliff (ah man, that's super weird. Where'd you even get that plastic water bottle? Ahhh jeez you're just letting that warm unpasteurized milk dribble down your beard? Do you seriously do this every day?)

2. Use an extremely long stick to spear fish every day (okay this one's a lot cooler)

3. Sit in a hut and occasionally stand on a cliff, waiting to die (honestly pretty relatable)

Final Grade: A

Because - hey - if anyone DOES interrupt the plan you've laid out for yourself, you can always just Force-Project yourself to another planet to taunt and distract the shithead who made you so depressed until you finally run out of energy and die. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!