It seems nowadays that every state has an official EVERYTHING. The official state amphibian of Colorado is the Western tiger salamander, The official state beverage of Rhode Island is "coffee milk." It's all just a lame excuse for officials to waste taxpayer time and money when they should be allocating resources for the issues that truly matter, like WHO IS THE OFFICIAL STATE POKEMON FOR EACH STATE IN THIS GLORIOUS UNION? Don't worry legislators, we went to the trouble for you, while only being flippantly insulting to SOME of the states involved.

 

This was an alarmingly difficult task for us, and if you disagree with our choices, we welcome your input in the comments.

 

1.

alaska pokemon

Both are trying really hard to gloss over the grim realities of cotton production.

 

2.

alaska wailord

Unfathomably huge, but lacking necessary (population) density.

 

3.

arizona pokemon

Macargo's pokedex famously boasts that its body temperature is 18,000 F, which is what being outside in Arizona FEELS like.

 

4.

arkansas geodude pokemon

Literally a "Little Rock." Eh? Get it?

 

5.

california pokemon groudon

Champion of large landmasses, seems to have a contentious relationship with water.

 

6.  

colorado

 High as FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK.

 

7.

Connecticut Empoleon pokemon

Combines a rich maritime tradition with being incredibly rich. 

 

8.

delaware bulbasaur

The first state to ratify the Constitiution. If America had a pokedex,
Delaware would be #001.

 

9.

florida pokemon palkia

Palkia is the lord of Space, and Florida has been the launch site for the USA's space efforts. Plus, they both look like WEIRD DICKS.

 

10.

georgia pokemon magmar

Georgia is The Peach State and Magmar's forehead resembles a peach. 

A round, juicy peach. 

 

11.

hawaii pokemon bellossom

Like Bellossom, Hawaii is also marketed based on a crude understanding of Polynesian culture.

 

12.

idaho pokemon dugtrio

Dugtrio are round brown things that can be found underground, much like potatoes, Idaho's most famous export.

 

13.

illinois pokemon

Nyeh see, this is a cheap reference to organized crime! Nyeh!

 

14.

Indiana pokemon

Indiana consistently tops the statistics for highest rate of crystal meth addiction. 

 

15.

emboar

Both contain a frightening amount of pork. 

 

16.

kansas

Kansas is known as the "Sunflower State" AND has the highest amount of wheat production, so this little guy seems like a perfect match. 

 

17.

kentucky pokemon blaziken

Listen, I'd like to tell you that this state was more well-known for something besides piping-hot chicken... I really would.

 

18.

Louisiana pokemon mr mime

On the surface, it looks like a fun, colorful place... but you quickly learn that it's full of dangerous, terrifying magic.

 

19.

maine

Big, hard to tame, and delicious with melted butter.

 

20.

maryland crustle pokemon

There's some delicious crab to be found here, but only if you're willing to dig through some nastiness first.

 

21.

massachusetts mewtwo pokemon

Powered by advanced biotechnology, has an incredibly short temper, and basically thinks it's the perfect lifeform.

 

22.

michigan cherubi pokemon

Cherubi is the only pokemon with its own Upper Peninsula.

 

23.

minnesota mawile pokemon state

Gentle to your face but savage behind your back, Mawile is the perfect avatar for "Minnesota Nice."

 

24.

mississippi blastoise pokemon

Uncomfortably moist, but gets credit for being the originator of the "blues."

 

25.

Sudowoodo

You're telling me this state's biggest city is called "Kansas City?" What a bizarre fake-out!

 

or...

  missouri electrode 

Separated by color and ready to explode at any minute. 

 

26.

Mtana pokemon bison

 Home of the National Bison Range, it's literally where the buffalo roam.

 

27.

nebraska pokemon mamoswine

Wooly Mammoth fossils have been discovered in almost every county in Nebraska. 

 

28.

nevada pokemon meowth

Like Meowth, Nevada also survives thanks to a desperate barrage of rapid-fire coins.

 

29.

new hampshire state pokemon

Ralph Baer, the "inventor of videogame consoles" started working on his first prototype while working for a defense contractor in New Hampshire.

 

30.

new jersey vileplume pokemon

Wants to be known for its beautiful foliage, but can't shake the reputation of its terrible odor.

 


31.

new mexico state pokemon bronzor

 What better way to represent New Mexico than a goofy turqouise knick-knack?

 

32.

new york trubbish pokemon

 Don't be fooled when you visit New York City. Those aren't pokemon, they're literal bags of garbage strewn about on every corner.

 

33.

north carolina spoink

The only place to go for barbecue pork with a little extra TWANG.

 

34.

north dakota pokemon latias

See: South Dakota

 

35.

Ohio okemon roggenrola

Ohio is known as "The Buckeye State" after the seeds of the buckeye tree that look... exactly like this underused pre-evolution. 
It's also home to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.

 

36.

oklahoma state pokemon

Oklahoma's state flag bears a round shield, and the state itself has a convenient handle. 

 

37.

oreggon state pokemon

Portland is an adorable city that happens to be haunted by the ghosts of millions of trees. 

 

38.

pennsylvania pokemon zweilous

Like this two headed dragon-type, the cities of Philadelphia and Pittsburgh also can't stop fighting from opposite sides of the state.

 

39. 

rhode island pokemon

Gorgeous, even though it is hilariously tiny.

 

40. 

south carolina myrtle beach

Known as "The Palmetto State", South Carolina is also a popular destination for Spring Breakers, who often look like this by the end of their celebrations.

 

41.

south dakota state

See: North Dakota

 

42.

tennessee

The city of Nashville is the prime destination for baby-faced singers with massive egos.

 

43.

texas state pokemon

This pokemon is a natural fit for a state that leads the nation in energy production... and in number of venomous spider species.

 

44.

utah pokemon mormon arceus

Utah has the highest rate of church attendance in the country. The fact that this church shares a belief in magic metal plates has nothing to do with anything.

 

45.

vermont pokemon torterra state

The Green Mountain state is represented by this towering grass type because there isn't a "cheddar cheese maple syrup-type" pokemon.

 

46.

virginia

Virginia prides itself as "The Mother of Presidents" because the state is the birthplace of 8 former Commanders-in-Chief (though it'd be tied with Ohio if you don't count Wiliam Henry Harrison).

 

 

48.

washington state pokemon

"SSSSTTTAAAAARRRRRRBUUUUCKS."

 

48.

west virginia pokemon slurpuff

I would have said it was impossible to illustrate the concept of "highest rate of type-II diabetes" with a pokemon, luckily Gen 6 came along and remedied that.

 

49.

wisconsin state pokemon

All that cheese has to come from somewhere.

 

50.

Wyoming state pokemon

Wyoming is the home of a breathtaking geological formation known as The Devil's Tower
and former Vice President Dick Cheney.

 


51.

washington dc district of columbia pokemon missingno

WAIT, HOW DID THIS HAPPEN!?  WHAT ARE YOU!!!???