4. Why is Gamora the worst assassin ever?


Gamora is referred to as a living weapon - someone raised PURELY to kick ass on a non-stop basis. Here are the fights she then engages in:

  • Totally blows a fight between herself, Star-Lord (a bumbling human idiot), Groot (a sentient tree), and Rocket Raccoon (a space raccoon). Isn't able to take on these three (although Groot is a formidable opponent) AND gets captured. LOSS!
  • Gets taken ahold of by two random dudes in prison and nearly killed by Drax, but is thankfully saved by Chris Pratt. LOSS!
  • Beats up a bunch of people while escaping prison. WIN!
  • Gets her ship blown up by her sister Nebula (although, to be fair, this wasn't a physical battle, so whatever), but is thankfully saved by Chris Pratt. LOSS!
  • Barely defeats her sister, who doesn't even die. WIN! Sorta.

But hey! She won 2ish out of 4 or 5 fights. That's...not bad? Actually, that is pretty bad - especially the prison thing. At least none of her new friends call her a "whore" for no reason OH WAIT*


*even with the explanation, it's still pretty bad.

5. Why doesn't Thanos do anything about Ronan's betrayal?


Really threatening there, Thanos, sitting on your chair and not doing anything when others betray you. Hey, remember when Loki fucked up your schemes and lost your scepter in The Avengers, and you allowed him to be jailed in Asgard and never had him face any consequences? And now Ronan AND Gamora betray you, and you don't even GET OUT OF YOUR CHAIR to try to punish them? Maybe this is all part of your plan to make yourself seem like a helpless turd, so when you DO finally get the Infinity Gauntlet, no one will expect you to be able to do anything with it.

Which is actually kinda brilliant. Nevermind.


6. How does Star-Lord know who Jackson Pollock is?


Star-Lord left for space when he was like 10 years old. Did he study abstract expressionist art in-between episodes of GI Joe? Also, Rocket Raccoon seems to get the reference, which is doubly weird.