4. Manhunt 2's eternal porn theater


Manhunt 2 tries really hard to shock you. Though the brainwashed-assassin plot has a lot in common with The Naked Gun (really), most of the game looks like an extremely violent psychotic episode.

After an insane ruthless execution like that, it's a little jarring to walk into a porn theater. And it's probably designed that way. What's probably not intentional is how the porn comes across.

At its heart, the porn theater is just an "edgy" backdrop for yet another firefight in a game full of firefights. But the whole time you're shooting at the guys taking cover behind those crusty seats, those two are going at it. The whole thing seems like it's on a loop, one that would keep going and going even after you leave the room. Even now, somewhere out there, these animated blow-up dolls are grunting and thrusting, trapped in an endless cycle of awkward and sterile sex. Sort of like every GIF in this article.

5. GTA's infamous "Hot Coffee"


It's impossible to talk about awkward sex in video games without mentioning Grand Theft Auto's' "Hot Coffee" incident. If you weren't alive in 2005 -- well, first give us some of your pure virgin blood so that we may imbibe on the Devil's Night to retain our human form -- but if you aren't otherwise familiar,  "Hot Coffee" referred to explicit sex scenes hidden in the code of GTA: San Andreas. You couldn't view or play the scenes it without modding the game, but that didn't stop it from boiling the ankle-length britches of parents and news stations across the country. All that furor over this:

What first appears to be unorthodox zipper repair is actually one of the first instances of fellatio depicted in a video game. Looking at it now, it's not really that different than the tame sexual detours in stuff like God of War. It's not even softcore Skinemax level -- she's wearing underwear, and our view of what is most certainly a highly-detailed visual representation of a blowjob is obscured. What could be so--

Oh. I guess I can see the trouble here. Despite the fact that their clothes are on, this is definitely detailed (and hilarious) playable sex. What's truly baffling is that some programmer made this at the behest of the Sam Houser, one of the masterminds behind the series. In Houser's view, the only way for video games to be seen on the same artistic level as books and movies was to include graphic sex minigames to allow the player to digifuck their rubbery in-game girlfriends. The ESRB thought differently, and so the scenes were cut in order to get an M rating. The game sold millions of copies anyway, because jetpacks are an acceptable substitute for sex.

6. Dante's Inferno explores necrophilia with QTEs


People like to criticize Dante's Inferno for being more faithful to the God of War series than the book on which it was loosely based, but the game had other issues too. Probably in an effort to up the ante on Kratos' boobtastic adventures, the developers added a boss fight in the form of a very naked, very dead Cleopatra. It gets weird fast.

There was a dude whose job it was to make the creepy rotting boobs jiggle after Cleopatra rubs Dante's hand over her nipples. How do you even put that on a resume? Maybe like "Post-Mortem Chestular Engineer"?

At least it's over quick, but not before it gets even more uncomfortable.

See, you thought that you were pressing up on the left stick to push your heavily-armored penis inside a naked demon lady, but you were actually just disemboweling her with your huge sword. With these kinds of compelling narrative twists, it's a wonder why this franchise never took off.