Hi there, and thanks for choosing Dorkly Travel. We're your one-stop shop for all fictional fantasy wonderland getaways, tours and those family packages the kids have been begging you for. My name is Sophie Prell, and I'll be your helpful "I swear my enthusiasm is genuine" guide. From your information, I see that you've been looking at some of our city destinations. Well, sit back dear sir/madam, and allow me to fill you in on our top spots.


8) Raccoon City (Resident Evil 2 & 3)

Now I won't lie to you, I'm going to start by showing you some of our bargain packages first. They may not be as appealing as you'd like, but they certainly have character. Well, except this one. Because most everyone there is dead. Oh, and the town was decimated by a nuclear strike. Something about ungodly horrors man was not meant to see. But the radioactive fallout has cleared up a lot since then, prime real estate is very, very available, and the mountains are just lovely in the fall. Plus, the area is littered with miracle weeds that'll cure everything from bites and claw marks (their most common application prior to that whole nuke thing) to cottonmouth and herpes. So you know... that's something.


7) City 17 (Half Life 2)

Like the aforementioned locale, City 17 has undergone some... redevelopment. Such as in city layout, structure, leadership, dominant species... but really, it's quite a fine place to call home. Mind your manners, always have identification on hand, and you'll be just fine. Some invasive wildlife may require the occasional call to pest control, but de-clawed they can actually make adorable pets that will lovingly perform coitus on your frontal lobe after a long hard day at the office.

P.S. - Speaking of the office... there is none. The only real jobs available are slave, physical laborer, or ingenious quantum physics researcher. Or you could look up the local resistance. I hear they're hiring constantly. Recommended traits include a sweet goatee, ability to wield crowbars, advanced science suit, and shutting the hell up.


6) Pacific City (Crackdown)

Yes yes, it's another city characterized by extreme violence and even more extreme law enforcement. But hear me out: in this town, unlike the previous entry, your local law man is the same species as you, so that's a plus right there. And nowhere will you find a city that more perfectly captures The American Dream, where you can upgrade every facet of your life through diligence and hard work. For example, your old auto insurer might give you discounts for driving well, but in Pacific City they'll pimp your car out into a bitchin' neon batmobile blur. Can you imagine what it would be like just to work in an office? Pacific City does. Are you in good hands?