Article 7 More Videogame Worlds It Would Seriously Suck To Live In

By Andrew Bridgman / April 2, 2014

1. Civilization

6 More Videogame Worlds It Would Seriously Suck To Live In

Welcome to your new civilization! As a citizen of this new society, you will be ruled by an immortal god-king with complete control over every aspect of your life and the entire civilization. Also, you will be more or less in a state of constant warfare with the rest of the world. Building ANYTHING takes decades upon decades. If you're one of the unfortunate few who's drafted into the war effort, you may very well end up being a spearman or a horseback rider stuck battling a friggin' TANK.

Oh, and you're always in danger of being nuked by Gandhi - or if you happen to live in Gandhi's civilization, always in danger of being retaliation-nuked by EVERYONE ELSE who Gandhi just started  a nuclear war with.

 

2. Sonic the Hedgehog

6 More Videogame Worlds It Would Seriously Suck To Live In

The world of Sonic is generally pretty terrible - everything is divided into insanely-dangerous, completely incongruous 'zones' - from lava-filled ruins to a world of enormous casinos to a place that's just nothing but pollution. And odds are you're going to be a tiny forest critter who's subjected to one of two fates: either being locked in a capsule, waiting desperately for anyone to come by and press a button to release you (hopefully they come fast enough) or getting a sweet robot-body and inevitably having it destroyed by an out-of-control enormous hedgehog whose body is essentially covered in blades. You're nothing but a pawn caught between groups of beings trying to collect super-gems that will give them Dragonball Z knockoff powers.

And while humans DID become part of the Sonic mythos later on (not including Dr. Robotnik, who was bizarrely the only human present for the first couple games in the series), life isn't gonna be much better for you. In fact, there's a pretty good chance you'll be kissing anthropomorphic hedgehogs before you know it. 

Filed Under   the sims   oregon trail   sonic   civilization

Article Pwn Up: Friendship is Tragic

By Jake Young / November 18, 2013

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnup at gmail.

Pwn Up: Friendship is Tragic

 

So back in the day my friends and I were having a Halo 2 match using nothing but shotguns and sniper rifles. We were all playing at my house and it was all on one TV. As such screen peeking was an issue, but as friends we tried not to peek in order to keep it competitive. I had found a great perch to snipe from and was doing my best when I noticed buddy Michael's player had stopped moving. I couldn't help myself and looked at his screen only to notice that he had a shotgun pointed right at someone's head at point blank range. By the time the light bulb flicked on and I realized what was happening I was dead. Now here's the kicker. In the game he had snuck up behind me, put the barrel right against my head, and then in real life he turned and waited for me to notice. Only when he saw my expression change did he blow my head off. In hindsight it was hilarious, but in that moment I got pissed and punched him in the shoulder as hard as I could.....and dislocated it. We popped it back in, but we decided to take a break from Halo for a while.

 

-Tyler

Filed Under   the sims   pwn my life   sonic   mario party   knuckles   pwn up
Naked Sims Halloween Costume

Picture Naked Sims Halloween Costume

November 04, 2013

Sometimes, these costumes leave nothing to the imagination...

Filed Under   halloween   the sims   sims   costume

Comic Videogame Characters Are Horror Movie Villains

By Jake Lava and Andrew Bridgman / November 1, 2013

Videogame Characters Are Horror Movie Villains

 

Videogame Characters Are Horror Movie Villains

Filed Under   halloween   the sims   zelda   megaman   gta   horror

Article 25 Examples of Sims Being Creepy

By Chloe Cole / October 30, 2013

Everyone you've ever met has played the Sims because it's fun, it's family friendly and it makes childbirth look truly magical. The game's rated T, which means "Teen," but after looking at these unsettling Sim glitches, you'll think it actually means "Terrifying" or "Tear Your Eyes Out and Stomp on Them."

 

Scary Sims

"Aw, she has your eyes, Mother With No Eyes."

Filed Under   halloween   the sims   internerd   spooky

Article 5 Games That Actually Prove How Messed Up Kids Are

By Andrew Bridgman / October 17, 2013

5 Games That Actually Prove How Messed Up Kids Are

With the release of Grand Theft Auto V, people are more concerned than ever about the effects of children taking part in acts of virtual violence. There's a few problems with this worry, though: firstly, GTA V is rated M, and is absolutely not intended for children. Secondly, GTA V forces you to commit acts of violence. It encourages and rewards brutalizing and murdering your fellow man. What really reveals bad behavior in kids are when they lash out violently in games intended for them that don't reward such behavior. Here are the gaming acts of violence parents should have really been worried about.

 

1. Drowning and Starving People in The Sims

5 Games That Actually Prove How Messed Up Kids Are

The Sims was about life - the mundanities, the joys, accidentally memorizing certain Simlish phrases, everything. So, naturally, the most popular things to do in The Sims revolved around torture and death. There are a lot of ways for your poor, jibberish-spouting, unable-to-walk-around-a-plate Sims to die, but some of the most well-known ways required the active involvement of a player:

  • Removing the ladders from the swimming pool is probably the most repeated throughout the internet - the act forced your Sim to swim around aimlessly, getting stronger and stronger, until they tired out and drowned. It was so prevalent that the developers added the ability for Sims to climb out of the pool without a ladder in The Sims 3. Players responded by figuring out you could just build walls around the pool and they could re-live their Dexter-esque glory days.

  • The other way was to build walls around a Sim, trapping them and cutting them off from food, until they starved while soaking in their own urine. Their own blue urine.

No Sim, no matter how many times they fall asleep on the front lawn or refuse to clean up their messes, deserves to go like that. At least give them the dignity of burning to death after trying to cook mac 'n cheese.

Filed Under   the sims   oregon trail   violence
It's Hard Out Here For a Sim

Picture It's Hard Out Here For a Sim

October 15, 2013

Leave him, he's already dead.

Filed Under   the sims   gif
The Sims is the Best Horror Game

Picture The Sims is the Best Horror Game

September 12, 2013

Kill it with fire! Or at least leave it in a pool without a ladder!

Filed Under   the sims   glitches   horror
The Best Way For a Sim To Die

Picture The Best Way For a Sim To Die

July 30, 2013

Better than drowning in a ladder-less pool, at least.

Filed Under   the sims   death
Did You Know Gaming?: The Sims

Video Did You Know Gaming?: The Sims

July 30, 2013

Did you know Citizen Kane got rich by saying "Rosebud" over and over?