Article 5 Reasons The Non-Superpowered Superhero Thing Is Bullshit

By Jason Iannone / April 18, 2014

Some of our most popular superheroes aren't super at all: they weren't born with special powers, never gained powers via some freak accident, and must rely completely on ingenuity and hard work to succeed. They're just like us!

Except...they absolutely aren't. The "superhero without superpowers" deal sounds nice, until you realize that every single one of them is naturally leveled up to the point where they become superpowered by default. No actual human could possess or accomplish what these people do, so the implication that these people are powerless, yet still super somehow, is pure bullshit.

So what amazing powers does your favorite non-powered hero possess? 100% of the time, they'll boast one or more of the following ...

 

1. Endless, Obscene Wealth

 

5 Reasons The NonSuperpowered Superhero Thing Is Bullshit

 

It's generally accepted that non-powered heroes need oodles of cash to make their violent hobby work. But even the richest of the rich have limits to their wealth; only about a hundred people on Earth have more than $10 billion in the piggy bank, after all. If anyone else were to spend money recklessly on some super-secret hero lifestyle, they'd be broke before they knew it. Even the super-rich would have trouble balancing their checkbook after a while, and once they start having to gather dimes to buy a Big Mac, they'd probably reconsider blowing another $15,000,000 on a camouflaging fighter jet.

But people like Bruce Wayne and Tony Stark do not have this problem. Not only are they ludicrously rich, but they stay ludicrously rich, and actually get ludicrously richer despite blowing untold amounts of cash on everything-proof armor, vehicles more powerful than every military tank on the planet combined, elaborate hideaways that are more difficult to access than Disney's Club 33, high-tech weapons, computers that can do literally anything, and sky-high medical bills.

Are they ever even hurting for money one teensy tiny bit? Of course not! Their businesses never fail (and if they do, they quickly come bck and their fortunes remain as mysteriously limitless as ever.) They have the power to piss money away and, as anyone who has struggled to keep the lights on or put food on the table can tell you, that might be the greatest superpower of all.

Filed Under   batman   iron man   superheroes   powers   green arrow
Infographic: The Evolution of Batman, Superman, and Wonder Woman

Picture Infographic: The Evolution of Batman, Superman, and Wonder Woman

April 08, 2014

By Hera, that's a shame.

Teach Your Kid To Not Be a Disgusting Monster with Superheroes!

Picture Teach Your Kid To Not Be a Disgusting Monster with Superheroes!

April 02, 2014

Remember kids, the power (to not have poop all over your hands) is yours! You can order prints at the artist's etsy page.  

Filed Under   kids   superheroes

Article 5 Superhero Games That Took Away the Superpowers

By Miklós Takács / March 7, 2014

  5 Superhero Games That Took Away the Superpowers

It makes sense for developers to be drawn to making superhero games - there's a built in audience, the entire world and scenario is set up for you already, and there's a bunch of cool powers to play around with...which, actually, is also the problem. With so many superheroes being given powers of invincibility and impossibly crazy super strength, it makes designing a challenging game pretty, uh, challengingThe right way to do things would be to not betray the character and find a way to create an interesting game with their powers in tact. Or you could always take the easy way and just remove whatever inconvenient abilities are getting in your way.

Which is, naturally, the way most developers went for. These are 5 superhero games that did away with some pretty important superpowers.

 

1. Dragon Ball Z: Sagas - The Z-Fighters Can't Fly

5 Games That Used Popular Heroes In Incredibly Uncharacteristic Ways

The Source Material: The Z-Fighters are exceptional martial artists, and among the most powerful beings in the universe. They can use their energy - their ki - to shield their bodies from attacks, shoot energy projectiles, move so fast it looks like they teleport (except for Goku, who can actually teleport) and fly around with incredible speed.

The Game: Powerful warriors? Check. Energy beams and Kamehameha? Check. Super Saiyan? Check. So what's wrong? The Z-Fighters simply can't fly during actual gameplay. They are shown flying during cutscenes, and the levels start with the heroes landing at the beginning of the stage from the air, but the most you can hope for while in control is jumping and hovering around in the air, but only as high as your character can jump. I know what you're thinking. No problem, right? Z-Fighters have legs as powerful as nukes, they can jump pretty high. Not in this game, unfortunately. Their jumps are so pathetic Chunky Kong from Donkey Kong 64 would be embarrassed by them.

But it's no problem as long as the gameplay doesn't demand it, right? Well, there are coins in the game you can pick up on the stages that you can spend on making your ultimate warrior (not to be confused with The Ultimate Warrior) even more powerful. But some of them are placed so high that you simply can't jump up that far from the ground. You have to find platforms like hills to jump from, hover to the coin and pick them up. That's right. Height is a problem in a game based on Dragon Ball Z. The true challenge should be triumphing over foes like Frieza and Cell, not picking up collectibles out of your reach.

Filed Under   hulk   dragonball z   superheroes   the flash   powers
Who Owns the Film Rights to Marvel Superheroes?

Picture Who Owns the Film Rights to Marvel Superheroes?

March 06, 2014

Quicksilver and the Scarlet Witch are about to get caught in one nasty custody battle.

Things Superheroes Do That'd Be Creepy If You Did Them

Video Things Superheroes Do That'd Be Creepy If You Did Them

February 14, 2014

It's a bird! It's a plane! It's...a creepy dude wearing skintight spandex?

Filed Under   batman   superman   superheroes
GIF of the Day: Superhero Surprise

Picture GIF of the Day: Superhero Surprise

February 12, 2014

Oh man guys, y'all remember chatroulette? Were we ever so young?

Filed Under   wtf   chatroulette   superheroes   gif
Famous Superhero Costumes of Years Gone By

Picture Famous Superhero Costumes of Years Gone By

January 30, 2014

These cultural icons are currently held at the Smithsonian Air and Capes Museum.

Superhero Soda Designs Will Give You a Lift

Picture Superhero Soda Designs Will Give You a Lift

January 09, 2014

Feeling Thor-sty? 

Why Do Superheroes Wear Their Underwear on the Outside?

Video Why Do Superheroes Wear Their Underwear on the Outside?

January 01, 2014

They're men. They're men in tights.