Article Pwn Up: I'll Never Forget You, Fisherman Ralph

By Andrew Bridgman / June 3, 2013

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnup at gmail.

Pwn Up: Ill Never Forget You, Fisherman Ralph
I remember when Pokemon Gold and Silver came out, I played it to death. One part I remember is that trainers would call you up just to say hi or brag about their Pokemon. One such trainer called me once or twice and I decided he was my friend. His name was Fisherman Ralph. I would call him every time I turned my Gameboy on just to say hi and every time before I saved to say goodbye. I still think about him sometimes I wonder how hes doing. -Kyle

Yesterday I spent 6 hours getting all of the music from Fallout 3 and New Vegas. Now I know that isn't all that amazing, but you see the normal soundtracks took not even an hour each to find and download. It was finding the complete Adventures of Herbert Daring Dashwood that took the other 4 hours. I was so happy that I cried a little and even went as far as to clear the entirety of my mp3 player so it only has these songs.-Smiley

One time, I was walking along and saw someone dressed mainly in blue. I immediately looked to the bottom right of my vision to see which color I was before remembering that I was not playing Team Fortress 2.-Daniel

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Article Pwn Up: A League of Their Pwn

By Andrew Bridgman / May 20, 2013

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnup at gmail.

Pwn Up: A League of Their Pwn
I am a factory worker who has always loved Star Wars. One day at work, I was running a machine called the depiler when it quit, dead as a door nail. A PLC card that controlled the movement had blown. Without missing a beat I turned to my coworker and said, "Uncle Owen, this droid has a bad motivator." He had no idea what I was talking about.-Ben

Since I heard about Pokemon X&Y coming out I decided to finally complete the pokedex (on White 2), to do this I needed to do a lot of breeding. After doing a fair few breeds I took my Ditto out of the daycare, when I looked at its nature and saw that it was 'Naive' I felt really bad for making it breed with so many pokemon. Eventually I swapped it for a Ditto with a 'Relaxed' nature so it might enjoy itself. -Kyle

Back when Pokemon Red & Blue first came out my friend and I, like most children in the late 90's, were addicted. Towards the end of the 2000 summer, our concerned parents took away our gameboys and we were left to our own devices. We decided to try and recreate Pokemon by catching wildlife and creating arenas, e.g. a jar filled with water was a water-type arena. One memorable fight took place in this jar-arena, between a Poliwag (tadpole) and a Zubat (a leech we found. Yeah, Zubats aren't water based at all, but we had to make do). At first the two combatants idled about in the water, but suddenly the leech jumped onto the tadpole and the struggle that took place was horrific. After 3 minutes of a terrified, writhing tadpole being drained of life fluid the Zubat floated happily, sated and victorious. We never tried that sh*t again.-Myles

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Article Pwn Up: Animal Crunking

By Andrew Bridgman / May 13, 2013

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnup at gmail.

Pwn Up: Future
Last night I drank a few too many beers with my neighbors. I didn't remember going to bed, but when I woke up, Animal Crossing: City Folk was playing on my TV. Apparently I'm an excellent fisherman when I'm drunk, as my entire inventory was full of Sea Basses. I'm just glad none of my neighbors moved out.-Justin

When I was 9, my mom took my brother and I down to the local bowling alley to play a few games. Once we got there, I noticed that they had a booster box of the original set of Pokemon cards sitting right behind the bar. To my surprise, there were only two packs left. I begged my mom to buy them for me. She finally did, and I was so happy that I might be able to own one of my favorite Pokemon at that time, Pikachu.

I opened my two packs, and was upset at the fact that there was not a single Pikachu card in there. However, I did open up a holographic first edition Charizard and Blastoise. I did not really care for those – so, just like most of my cards, I just put them away in my desk drawer and forgot about them.

Recently I got looking into them on eBay to see how much they were worth. I saw the price of Charizard, and I was astounded! The highest price I saw it going for was $700. I hated Charizard with a passion. And, when I was younger, I used that card specifically in the spokes of my bike.

I regret to this day that my quest for a Pikachu made me waste away a potential gold mine.-Phillip

Once I had a worksheet in Spanish class that had a crossword puzzle on it. One of the clues was "____ Vegas". Without even thinking about it, I put "New." It was later on when other words didn't work that I realized that the answer was "Las". Moral of this story – too much Fallout: New Vegas can mess with your mind.-Nathan

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Article Pwn Up: Is That a 3DS In Your Pants?

By Andrew Bridgman / May 6, 2013

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnup at gmail.

Pwn Up: The Pwn - Image 2
Yesterday I had to dress nicely for a photoshoot my school was doing to send out to various camps I will be working at this summer. As any other normal day, I carried my 3DS in my pocket unaware of it's pronounced outline in my dress pants. I just got the photos back and in every photo you can see a large rectangle on the front of my pants.-Jeffrey

My wife just gave birth to our first child. We've certainly had some nerdy moments throughout this.

  1. Our music playlist. At the facility, we were allowed to bring in our own music players with playlists to help the mothers relax and get through labor. Of the small playlist we selected, some of the tunes were mixes from Final Fantasy, Chrono Trigger, and Kingdom Hearts.
  2. We had a doula, a woman that acts as an assistant during the pregnancy and birth. Towards the end of the labor, my wife does the expected "Please, make this stop" and "I can't do this anymore" and my job was to keep encouraging her. "This will be a triumph…" I said. The doula chimes in, "Yes, it will!" I say, "We're going to make a note here, this will be a huge success." Again, the doula agrees, oblivious that I was working my way through Still Alive. My wife was looking at me the whole time, going "Smartass…"
  3. Being the mother, she had priority in choosing the first name, Stephan, a tribute to her late sister, Stephanie. I got to choose the middle name. I wanted to go with Sabin, from Final Fantasy 6, but we're in Louisiana, and everybody would think we were honoring LSU's head coach Sabine. Almost went with Balthier, but I wasn't that attached to FFXII. So we welcomed Stephan Auron Hand into the world.
-Bob

Around the beginning of March, I found myself bored with the lack of interesting games being released. I decided that I'd make it my goal to beat every Final Fantasy made for the traditional consoles (SNES, PS1, PS2, etc.) I was so excited about this idea that I told my friend, who is a Final Fantasy fanatic, about it. Not only did he think it was a great idea, but he also decided take on the exact same task I set for myself. He now has his own personal gaming closet in my apartment. He comes over every other day, even if I'm not home; opens the closet and starts playing away. We now spend our nights lounging in chairs and playing Final Fantasy on two screens, and in no way is that depressing.-Adam

Pwn Up: The Pwn - Image 1
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Article Pwn Up: Woodrow Wilson, Mage Champion

By Andrew Bridgman / April 29, 2013

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnup at gmail.

Pwn Up: Woodrow Wilson, Mage Champion - Image 2
Recently, I was taking a U.S. history final exam. One of the essays I had to write was on the U.S.'s role in WWI and the League of Nations. About 5 minutes before I turned my exam in, I realized that I had written League of Legends instead of League of Nations everywhere. I furiously erased as many of them as I could, and replaced them with League of Nations, but I missed one. My teacher was very confused and took a point off, citing that she had searched "League of Legends" on her computer and was disappointed that I had confused them.-Andrew S.

I met my girlfriend by playing Mass Effect 3 multiplayer. I trapped her in the reactor on the Reactor Hazard map (on purpose). She yelled out "YOU TRAPPED ME, YOU TEAM-KILLING F*CKTARD!" I realized the quote since it came from Red vs. Blue, and it was love at that moment. Turns out she lived in the same town as me, we met up and have been happily together ever since. I'd say we're about even on the number of team-kills against each other so far.-WM

I recently moved away from my best friend, who would always come over and have long gaming sessions together. He made the long drive over and after playing a lot of Resident Evil 6, we went to look at his grandfather's old house, which was empty and up for sale. After finding the back door open, we looked through the house – but every time I opened a door, my left trigger finger twitched, to get my gun ready for zombies.-Samuel

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Article Pwn Up: Do You Even Bench?

By Andrew Bridgman / April 22, 2013

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnup at gmail.

Pwn Up: Do You Even Bench - Image 2
I was at the gym with my friend recently. While we were taking a break, I decided to draw a few Pokemon on the gym sign-in sheet, just to goof around. Eventually, we went back to working out – and the gym supervisor approached me. I was nervous we were in trouble, until he asked "Do you still collect them?" I asked what he was talking about, and he replied "Pokemon cards. Do you still collect them?" Turns out his son just moved out, and left behind a box of Pokemon cards. My gym supervisor said he might bring some in to play a game if I still had mine. Now I'm more excited to go to the gym than I've ever been.-CJ

Here's the story: last summer after playing various FPS's for almost 12 straight hours, a couple of my friends dropped by. After a couple of hours, we have noticed that we were out of beer. Mind you that all of us are really lazy individuals, so we decided to order some beer from the shop just across the street (I live in Turkey and you can order alcohol by phone). The problem was I didn't know the phone number of the shop, so I went to my window to see if I could read the number. I live on the 10th floor, so I reached out with my right hand, and just right-clicked the air to zoom in. It took a couple of seconds to realize what I have done, but my friends were already laughing their asses off.-Eren

I recently had to write an essay for a test. The prompt asked whether or not a factory built next to a school should be required to dispose or prevent any air pollution that it produces since it's near a school.

While I should have written about different safety precautions in place, I instead went on a rant using SimCity questioning why on earth would some idiotic city planner decide to put industrial next to education.-Carlos

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Article Pwn Up: You're Not the Big Boss of Me

By Andrew Bridgman / April 15, 2013

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnup at gmail.

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I'm practically blind in my left eye, and I've always wanted to do a cosplay that allows me to take advantage of that. A friend mentioned Naked Snake of Metal Gear fame, as he famously loses an eye and even wears an eye patch.

I got really excited, starting looking for fabric and patterns, stopped shaving, gathered a bunch of reference images… and died a little inside when I realized Snake loses his right eye, meaning the eye patch would be over my one good eye. Screw you, Kojima.-Sam

A few weeks ago I was in my English class, writing an essay. I got to a point where the best word to use was "Experience." Being a huge fan of RPGs, specifically Fire Emblem and Pokemon, I had no idea how to spell it and nearly didn't make it past the EXP.-Ben

My cousin had her first child a few years back. She's practically my sister and I am now the godmother of a beautiful boy. I recently went into town to visit her and my godson. He's the coolest three year old I know. He likes to quietly sit in my lap while I play video games, he doesn't get scared at monster movies, and his favorite toy is the pull-apart zombie doll I got him for Christmas. I managed to convince her to let me take him home with me for a week so I could spend some more time with him.

After his return home, I received a rather upset phone call from my cousin. She demanded to know why her son was now obsessed with zombies and and told his father that he would have to "shoot him in the head" if he ever turned. However, what she was most upset about was the embarrassment he caused her at my grandfather's funeral. He demanded to take his toy shotgun and while at the grave yard patted me on the leg and said, "Don't worry Skye-mama, I will protect you from the zombies." He continued to interrupt the service by shooting off the toy gun. When his mother took it away, he screamed at her, and wanted to know how she "expected him to be able to blow out zombie brains." I thought it was pretty cool.

Lo and behold. I am banned from babysitting for a while. -Skye

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Article Pwn Up: Theory of Revolution

By Andrew Bridgman / April 8, 2013

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnup at gmail.

Pwn Up: Theory of Revolution - Image 1
My brother just had a kid and named him 'Ocelot', but I just call him 'Revolver' (or 'Lil Revolver'). He doesn't know why I call Ocelot that and keeps telling me I'm weird. Well, as soon as Lil Revolver's old enough, I'll get him Metal Gear Solid and everything should fall into place.-Ray

Two summers back, I was playing my first playthrough of Fallout 3. A family friend called and asked if I could babysit his son's hermit crabs while they went on holiday, to which I agreed. He dropped them off and I put their tank next to the TV so that I could get back to Fallout. Skip forward an hour or so, and I've totally forgotten about the hermit crabs. At which point, one of them decides to come out of its shell and see what's happening. Seeing this out of the corner of my eye I assumed (as any sane person would) that I was under attack by rad-scorpions, leading me to press the VATS button, leaving me confused as to why I couldn't find any rad-scorpions.-Dom

Tales of the Symphonia is the only reason I can tell a stalagmite from a stalactite.-Miku

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Article Pwn Up: Pity the April Fool

By Andrew Bridgman / April 1, 2013

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnup at gmail.

Pwn Up: Okay So It Looks Like A Few Of You Do Pay Attention To URLs - Image 4
I have my local Gamestop on speed dial. Also, every associate there knows me by my first name.-Michael

We have certain rules in my home about shutting off everything after 9 PM because they are the "rules". I dont have a flashlight and my phone's brightness is very dim, so for a while I had to stop reading comics mid-climax of the story. One night, the dreaded 9 PM rule was on attack mode in the middle of Invincible Iron-Man: The Five Nightmares, and I wasn't going to sleep without finishing it. So trying to read it with my awful phone's brightness, I remembered last Christmas I was given a blue lightsaber keychain. I scrambled to find it as quickly as I could. Now when our 9 PM rule is in effect I will always have my blue lightsaber by my side to read my comics like any Jedi, if Jedi read comics.-Carlos

A few weeks ago, in the Awards Season entry of Pwn Up, I mentioned that my sister's dog "ate" my Nintendo DS Lite. So I thought I'd clarify a few things:

  • The dog is perfectly fine, no problems whatsoever
  • I will be getting a new 3DS for my birthday
  • The game that I had in the DS at the time was unharmed and still works (THANK GOD)
  • My DS was more chewed than actually eaten. I got back the remains to prove it (see picture below)
-Maxx

Pwn Up: Okay So It Looks Like A Few Of You Do Pay Attention To URLs - Image 2
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Article Pwn Up: Paragon With the Wind

By Andrew Bridgman / March 25, 2013

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnup at gmail.

Pwn Up: Hey, Does Anyone Pay Attention To the URLs - Image 2
A couple weeks ago, I was replaying the Mass Effect trilogy for the last few achievements I needed. I was about halfway through Mass Effect 3 when I had some real life stuff to do. As I was leaving my apartment, I saw the elderly maintenance man struggling to get a ladder over the fence around the pool area. I could have sworn my vision blurred for a second and my left index finger twitched a little. For those who don't know, that's how you do a Paragon action in Mass Effects 2 & 3, and I went over and helped him get the ladder over the fence.-Steven

Legend of Zelda: Link's Awakening has always been one of my favorite games, and it actually was the game that got me not only hooked on videogames. Anyway, for Christmas this past year, my girlfriend knew how much I liked the series and used ideas from the game to send me on my own "Secret Seashell Quest." I walked all around her apartment and even needed to go outside by getting clues from each shell I found, and (since she kinda knew the idea but not entirely) every 5 shells I found there was an extra little gift. In the end I received a Master Sword replica and she put the shells together in a case with the Hylian Crest for me to hang up.-Tim

Pwn Up: Hey, Does Anyone Pay Attention To the URLs - Image 1

I've been going to yoga classes at my gym for a few months now and every class begins with a theme to keep in mind throughout the session. Our instructor began with "Does anyone know the true definition of insanity" Instantly, I thought 'Far Cry 3', after glancing around the room for a second or two, I raised my hand and answered "Doing the same thing over and over again, and expecting a different result". They said it was an Einstein quote, so I'm glad they didn't ask where I knew it from.-Andrew

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