Article Pwn Up: The Language of Love

By Andrew Bridgman / July 27, 2012

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnup at gmail.

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When I was in junior high, I was obsessed with Mystical Ninja starring Goemon for the N64. It required a memory pack to save, which I didn't have, so restarting the system meant starting over completely. I left my N64 on for a week straight, playing it religiously, and finally got to the final boss. As I fought valiantly, my mom lurched by my door with a pile of stuff in her arms, all about to fall out. When she called out for me to help her, I stammered "b-but there's no pause button!" She still brings it up as my most disappointing moment as a son, but I did finally beat the game.-Jon

I met my wife at a Star Trek convention. She was study abroad from France and spoke little English, and I didn't know a lick of French. So, for the first few months of our relationship, we communicated by speaking Klingon.-Max

To help combat a thesis I had procrastinated writing all semester, I dosed myself with an Adderall. I figured I would stumble on the internet a bit while I waited for it to kick in. I stumbled upon a Pokemon Crystal emulator that I couldn't pass up playing – unfortunately the Adderall kicked in after I chose my first Pokemon. I didn't eat, sleep, or begin writing my thesis until I had defeated the Elite Four about 40 hours later.-Jake

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Article Pwn Up: We Built This Rivet City

By Andrew Bridgman / July 20, 2012

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnup at gmail.

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A few months ago, I packed up my 360 and flat screen and headed over to my buddy's place to play dual-Skyrim. We had two Xbox systems going at once in the same living room, each playing our own game of Skryim. We picked up a case of beer & a handle of cheap vodka and got down to business. The next morning, I woke up severely hungover on the couch, packed up my system & TV, and headed home. When I fired up my Xbox later that afternoon, I was in an area of the map with which I wasn't familiar, couldn't find my traveling companion in the game (she was carrying 75% of my inventory), was missing about 10,000 gold, and I was halfway through a quest I didn't remember ever starting. I noticed that I had an auto save from an hour early, so I figured I'd just fire that up and go from there. Upon loading, I was in the middle of Dragon's Reach with every NPG in the castle in hostile mode and attacking me. I tried to find another save file, but I had saved over all my previous games. The lesson: don't drink and game.-Dave

I was in bed just after being intimate with my girlfriend, when I felt the need to sneeze. I sneezed "PIKA-choo!", as I usually did. My girlfriend gave me a really confused look. We broke up shortly thereafter. Pretty sure the sneeze had something to do with it.-Jaime

I have a condition that is commonly referred as "shy bladder syndrome." In other words, I am unable to go to the bathroom if there are other people in the room. Or at least I was. I recently found that if I recite a list of water-type Pokemon, I am able to overcome my condition. Usually by Politoed, I'm good to go.-Joey

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Article Pwn Up: Your SoulSilver Is Mine

By Andrew Bridgman / July 13, 2012

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnup at gmail.

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There was a 14 hour black out on my street a few days ago. I thought I would pass the time playing Final Fantasy 1 on my iPhone, but it died. I decided to try to find my old GBA (even though it had not worked in years) – when I found it (as expected), it would not turn on. I said to myself silently, "I'd sell my soul to Satan for this thing to work so I can play Pokemon." Then tried again. It worked. At first I was terrified, until I realized Satan is just like me…trying to catch 'em all.-Larry

I've recently started working out. I tell everyone I'm getting in shape for my brother's wedding in September, which is partially true, but I'm more trying to lose weight so I can dress up as the 10th Doctor for a Renaissance fair two weeks after it.-Anonymous

My sister has two friends named Jake, one is a geek the other is not. She had gotten a text from one of the Jakes saying "These patches are ridiculous." I automatically assumed it was the geeky Jake, and I also assumed he had just gotten Diablo 3 (this was right around when it came out), so I said "What does he expect? The game just came out a few days ago!" My sister just stared at me with a blank look on her face before asking me what the hell I was talking about. I said, "Uh, he is talking about Diablo 3 right?" She just bursts out laughing and says "No, he's trying to put on Icy Hot patches!"-Allen

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Article Pwn Up: Look Who's Tolkien

By Andrew Bridgman / July 6, 2012

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnup at gmail.

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I work at a summer camp for kids and all the mentors take turns riding the bus in the morning. I had bus duty on the second day of the program, and the first kid to be picked up started talking about Pokemon with me, after noticing my nails were painted like pokeballs. He was talking about all the new lengendary Pokemon he caught and then he said, "I love these Pokemon so much. They are so much better than the really old ones." I then spent the next hour lecturing this 11 year old on how wrong he was and why the original 151 are the best Pokemon of all time. The next time I had bus duty I brought in my old pokedex to back up my argument. He now calls me a Pokemon expert and plans to buy the original Pokemon games. I believe I have now fulfilled the purpose of my job by making a positive change in a child's life.-Alex

When I was little, I used to go to a friend's house to play co-op Who Framed Roger Rabbit for NES. The problem is, Who Framed Roger Rabbit didn't have co-op. It turned out my friend always gave me an unplugged 2nd controller and made me think I was playing as Roger. I was young enough at the time that I couldn't tell it wasn't me making Roger move. We still played games after I found out, but I always checked the controllers first.-Erick

I am an Officer in the United States Navy, and my ultimate career goal is to become so well-known and honored that I can name a ship. Instead of them naming a ship after me, I would have them name it the USS Pillar of Autumn.-Sean

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Article Pwn Up: School Daze

By Andrew Bridgman / June 29, 2012

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnup at gmail.

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In 4th grade, I moved from the ghetto to a nicer area of town. I didn't know anyone there and was very shy, but I soon bonded with a kid in my class named Mack. We liked all of the same nerdy things – but most of all Pokemon. We used to run around the schoolyard every recess holding battles with each other and training our Pokemon. One day Mack invited me over to his house, and after a while he pulled out this huge deck of Pokemon cards and asked if I knew the rules and how to play. Of course being the new kid from across town, I knew how to play – the way we used to play in my old neighborhood. About 3 turns into the match it was very clear that the way of "Raaawr Raawr my Pikachu attacks your guy, you're dead" wasn't how it was supposed to be played. Mack yelled at me to swap the Pokemon off my bench and to attach the element cards before I attacked. I got so fed up of him yelling at me, I ran out of his house crying and never spoke to him again in the 6 years of elementary school and 4 years of high school I had with him. Pokemon grudges last a lifetime.-Connor

I was in my health education class, and we were talking about radiation and what it causes. I had just gotten Fallout 3, and 'I Don't Want To Set the World On Fire' was playing in my head. I started singing it to myself. Then I realized it had suddenly gotten very quiet. I looked around – everyone was looking at me. I've never been more embarrassed. But then one kid jumped up and shouted "Oh man! Fallout 3!"-Alex

Everyday when I wake up I do one of the basic moves from each of the bending disciplines from Avatar: The Last Airbender just to see if I've miraculously learned how to bend.-Casey

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Article Pwn Up: I Don't Want To Set The World On Fire

By Andrew Bridgman / June 22, 2012

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnup at gmail.

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I don't celebrate Father's Day because my dad walked out on us before I was born. Recently I had finally picked up a copy of Fallout 3 and, on Father's Day, all my friends were doing father-related things – so I stayed home and played Fallout 3. I was at the part in the game where I was helping my characters dad with the water filtration missions and (SPOILER!) suddenly the Enclave showed up. So on Father's Day, I had to watch helplessly as my (videogame) father died. As a guy, I'm probably not supposed to admit this, but I cried. I had gotten so attached to this father character and now he was gone. I was supposed to follow Doctor Li out of the building but I didn't want to leave dad behind. I cried and wanted to load an earlier save file so I could have him back, but I had no other choice but to carry on. I have decided I will not rest until I hunt down and kill everyone in the Enclave.-DudeNoob

After having sex for the first time at a friend of mine's grad party, I waited until my one night stand left the bedroom to take out my iPhone and play the "Credits Concerto (Ending theme)" from Donkey Kong Country.-Randy

One time, I had a hard math test for which we needed a calculator. I had forgotten mine that day, so I asked around to see if anyone could loan me one. Unfortunately, no one could. Then, I remembered I had brought my DS with me and I had Pokémon Platinum on it. Thanks to the Pokétch calculator, I could finish the test and I could tell my friends that Pokémon had helped me through it.-Anonymous

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Article Pwn Up: Grounded For Life

June 15, 2012

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnup at gmail.

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For me groundings as a kid meant "no playing video games". It was tough, but at least I still got to sit and watch my younger brother play. Eventually my mother figured out that it wasn't really punishment because I would end up telling my brother where to go and what to do in the game. Getting any kind of enjoyment out of video games negated the grounding. So my groundings soon began to include "no watching video games". Skip ahead a few weeks later I get in trouble once again, and get sent to my room. I was too stubborn to let my grounding disrupt my gaming. My mother was in shock when she came to check on me and discovered I was listening to an audio cassette recording my brother and I had taped of a playthrough of Contra. She didn't say I couldn't listen to video games.-Mike

A few weeks back I was a couple payments late on my car. Each payment is about $250, but when I had the money together after paying all my other bills, my PS3 stopped working. Rather than making a payment on my car, I chose to buy a new PS3 so I could start playing Arkham City. My car was reposessed shortly after, and as a result I lost my job for continuosly showing up late (from taking the bus). However, I DID beat Arkham City.-Ray

When I was a kid, my mother would often punish me by taking my Sega Genesis controllers away. As I was unable to play, I would load up Mortal Kombat II and watch the start menu until a demo fight started. My brother and I would try and guess which character was going to win.-Samuel

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Article Pwn Up: Fallout Saved My Life

By Staff / June 8, 2012

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnup at gmail.

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A few years ago, my family and I had gone to the local lake for a picnic. My cousin dared me to race him to a buoy floating in the water. We began to swim, but we decided to turn back half way because I was getting too tired. Then all of a sudden my energy left me and I tried to touch the bottom, not realizing I was in at least 10 feet of lake water. I panicked, but instead of seeing my whole life flash before my eyes, all I could think of was not being able to see the end of Fallout 3 I just bought the week before. That's when I yelled for help, and a bald dude in red shorts saved me.

Thanks 'Red Shorts Guy' and Fallout for saving my life.-Sehaj

When I was younger my brother and I got grounded from playing N64. So what did we do? Snuck over to the neighbor's house and watched them play through their windows.-Anonymous

As a college athlete my time was time was scarce. But, over my four years there I managed to beat every Zelda game from start to finish. After I was done I asked my friend to draw a picture of my four favorite things lacrosse, my fraternity (Phi Delta Theta), my favorite band (Story of the Year), and of course the Legend of Zelda. When he was done with the collage I liked it so much I had to get it tattooed. I'm now a college lacrosse coach.-Jeff (see below)

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Article Pwn Up: Welcome to Tattoo-ine

By Staff / June 1, 2012

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnup at gmail.

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Years ago, I got Pokemon Yellow for the Gameboy Color. The first few hours were amazing, but the best moment was when I captured my first wild Pokemon, a Mankey. In the days that would follow, Mankey was the only Pokemon I used – eventually evolving him into Primeape. Somehow, a few days later, my game was gone and lost. Looked everywhere, but could not find it.

I was heart-broken. It was like I'd just gotten a dog and it ran away. When I went into college, my cousin gave me her old DS, and since I had nothing to lose, I bought Pokemon HeartGold and started a new game. Weeks later I reached Route 42, and my first encounter was a Mankey. Everything childhood memory came back, and I captured him. Now he's part of my main team. It felt like that dog that ran away had come back, after all these years.-Fernando

I never cry during sad movies or even when people die. I've only cried twice in 5 years – Metal Gear Solid 4's ending and when Edge left WWE.-Dan

When I turned 17 I got this tattoo. I was underaged, so it was technically illegal, and my mom was not happy when she saw it. I was made fun of in school by all the cool kids. Still…totally worth it.-Valtteri (see below)

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Article Pwn Up: Mass Affection

By Staff / May 25, 2012

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnup at gmail.

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I romanced Ashley in Mass Effect 1, and then Tali in Mass Effect 2. When Mass Effect 3 rolled around, I was faced with a difficult decision: Which one would I pick as my definitive love interest? I thought about it long and hard, pondering over "my" past experiences with the women and weighing the pros and cons of each choice, and I eventually settled on Ashley but kept a separate save file with which I could go back and choose Tali if I changed my mind. As the next several hours of the game progressed and I interacted more with both squadmates, I realized that I'd made a mistake. Tali had always been by my side, having complete faith in me even when close friends (like Ashley) thought I was a Cerberus traitor. While Ashley needed constant assurance and re-convincing, Tali trusted me absolutely, even with the fate of her entire race. My realization was like a romantic movie moment, except that instead of a stereotypical "dashing to the airport" scene I proved my devotion by going back to the other save file, effectively sacrificing 8 hours of gameplay to make things right. Keelah se'lai.-Charles

I recently got a new tattoo. Here it is, in all its 8-bit splendor.-Spencer (see below)

I'm in the army. I'm considering knocking my wife up so I can come home from overseas to play Diablo III for a couple weeks. Thanks, Blizzard!-Anonymous

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