Article Pwn My Life: Issue #35

October 7, 2010

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Read more nerd confessions at Collegehumor, and send your submissions to dorklypwnmylife at gmail.

When I was a fat little 11-year-old, my favorite part of Mario 64 was just running around open areas without having Mario ever get tired.-Rock

About a week ago, I woke up early in the morning to find myself crying. I'd had a disturbing dream which had awoken me and left me feeling depressed for several days. The dream was that I was browsing the internet and saw that IGN had posted an early review of Fallout: New Vegas and given it a 7.4.-Steve

My senior year of high school, I had a math teacher that mentioned he played WoW when he first introduced himself. By the third month of class, my best friend and I hated him. One night, we decided to see if we could find him in the game. We tried a bunch of names in the armory and found a lone alliance paladin with the same last name as our teacher. It was a pretty unique last name, so we were sure it was him. The next day we each paid $25 to transfer our horde characters to his realm and spent the week following him and killing him. He would come to school angry each day. Finally, we asked him if he had been getting harassed by a priest and a mage lately. He gave us a death stare and we were both removed from his class within a few weeks. The reason the school gave us was for "making his life difficult."-Louie

In Elementary School, several guys started a Pokemon club that used to gather at recess and watch one person play Pokemon Red on his Game Boy. It became crowded quickly and other kids got jealous because there wasn't enough room under the slide. This fringe group started calling themselves Team Rocket. One day, the two groups met on the playground and had a big fight. Everyone involved had to go to a meeting afterwards because the school thought it was gang related.-Montana

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Article Pwn My Life: Issue #33

September 30, 2010

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Read more nerd confessions at Collegehumor, and send your submissions to dorklypwnmylife at gmail.

I pretend I have an adamantium covered skeleton and claws like Wolverine. When I bring out my pretend claws, they are "there" until I pretend to bring them back into my arms. While my imaginary claws are out, I am very conscious of their presence, and I'm very careful not to cut things of value to me, such as myself, my friends/family, or my stuff. I will, however, glide my hands near walls or doors pretending to cut them as I walk, then put them away when I'm done.-Collin

Before I play StarCraft 2, I use my sister's blow dryer to warm my fingers, making them faster.-Kevin

I have been dating my girlfriend for about a month. She has never played Portal, and I got tired of explaining all of the references, so I told her she should play it. She gave up within an hour claiming it was too hard. I told her that I wouldn't sleep with her again until she beat it. It's been three days, and she's almost finished the game.-Cody

Whenever I have to make myself cry, I think about David Tennant's regeneration scene in Doctor Who. The line "I don't want to go" always gets me.-Mike

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Article Pwn My Life: Issue #31

September 23, 2010

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Read more nerd confessions at Collegehumor, and send your submissions to dorklypwnmylife at gmail.

Back in sixth grade I wasn't exactly a social butterfly, so I used to pretend my school was the Jedi academy and the other kids wouldn't talk to me because they were jealous of my extremely high Midichlorian count.-Joey

I was on a spring break road trip to California with a bunch of friends the day Pokemon SoulSilver was released. I made them stop halfway through the desert to find the nearest Gamestop so I could be first in the line of 12-year-olds at the store to get it.-Anonymous

I broke up with my first college girlfriend because she refused to see Star Wars and it made conversations difficult.-DJ1.5E3

When the girl I had a crush on asked me to go to the midnight release of Halo Reach with her I fell in love. When the night came I picked her up and we made a bet that if I beat her she would give me a kiss. Everything was perfect until midnight came. I got so excited when I bought Halo that I puked in front of everyone in line. Needless to say she never kissed me, or called me again.-Daniel

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Article Pwn My Life: Issue #29

September 16, 2010

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Read more nerd confessions at Collegehumor, and send your submissions to dorklypwnmylife at gmail.

I started playing Magic: the Gathering to quit smoking cigarettes. Every time I have the urge to buy cigarettes, I buy a booster pack instead. It's working.-Karl

My girlfriend and I's six month anniversary was the same day that Halo Reach came out. I acted progressively sicker leading up to it, so it'd be more believable when I told her I'd have to stay home on our anniversary.-Sam

I'm currently deciding between learning Klingon or Quenya (LOTR's elvish). I'll probably learn them both, but I can't decide which one to learn first.-Lenin

While working in the Home Depot garden department, a woman with a thick accent asked me where she could find squirrel killer. Her accent was so thick that I heard Squirtle killer. I sent her to electrical.-Zak

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Article Pwn My Life: Issue #27

September 9, 2010

Ever had a moment so nerdy they you needed to tell the Internet about it? Read more nerd confessions at Collegehumor, and send your submissions to dorklypwnmylife at gmail.

I have always put my boyfriend to shame when it comes to playing video games. Here's my secret: when he challenges me, I play it off and say that the game looks stupid. Then I study his moves and learn his weaknesses. In my spare time, I buy, borrow, or rent the game and work my way to awesomeness in secret at my apartment. Once I'm confident, I re-challenge him. While we're playing, I play the cute card and pretend I don't understand how I could beat someone as good as him. My grades suffer for a week or two, but being able to gloat is worth it.-Anonymous

When I was in 8th grade, I would routinely fake stomach aches after a Friday night sleep-over. Then my dad would pick me up with all my Pokemon cards ready in the car, and we'd go to Toys R' Us for the Saturday morning Pokemon club.-Justin

My co-worker has been telling me non-stop about his iPhone 4 for two months. Yesterday he was showing me his new favorite app when he got a call from "Wife".Me: Who's that?Him: My wife.Me: WTF? When did you get married?Him: Two months ago.-Bennington

I own a full Cats (The Musical) costume. I even attended the show wearing it once.-Andi(A different kind of nerdy, but still extremely nerdy)

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Article Pwn My Life: Staff Edition #2

September 2, 2010

Ever had a moment so nerdy they you needed to tell the Internet? Read more nerd confessions at Collegehumor and send your submissions to dorklypwnmylife at gmail.

My first videogame device was a Game Boy my parents bought me for my birthday. The first time I turned it on, I played it every waking moment for three days straight, only taking breaks to swap out the batteries. I had to go to the eye doctor afterwards. -Owen Parsons

I once drew my own Digimon character, and all of its evolutions.-Caldwell Tanner

I still have a scar on my knee from the time I tried a move I saw Gambit do in the X-men Sega Genesis game. -Ben Joseph

My friends and I used to play the Yugioh card game in high school. We even had to hide it from my friend's little sister, and once she found out we made her swear never to tell anyone. So one summer I was up at my grandparents house in Cape Cod bored out of my mind and decided I could make a card of my own by scanning some of my other cards and MS Painting an awesomely, unbeatable mythical beast. I literally spent hours perfecting this badass 3-headed dragon with awesome attack, defense and effects, then printed it out and pasted it on a shittier card (Bubonic Vermin, DUH). When I got back home I attempted to bring it out on the field only to have my friends look it up online and declare it was illegal card that I bought online.-Jeff Rosenberg

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Article Pwn My Life: Issue #24

August 26, 2010

Ever had a moment so nerdy they you needed to tell the Internet about it? Read more nerd confessions at Collegehumor, and send your submissions to dorklypwnmylife at gmail.

I can and do chug an entire can of Diet Coke during most load screens.-Josh

I was 15 when I got a Sega Dreamcast. It was the best console I have ever had. Not because of the graphics, not because of the 3D Sonic game, and not because of the memory cards with the little screen on them, but because it was capable of going online. It was the perfect way to look at porn without my parents finding out.-Anonymous

When I was 11, I was playing Pokemon Red and realized I had to poop. I was in the Safari zone at the time. I went into the bathroom and when I started I came across a Kangaskhan. Through some sort of crapping magic I managed to catch it and was filled with joy, when all of a sudden my batteries ran out before I could save the game. That was the first time I ever cried on the toilet.-Bobby

I cried when I got hacked on WoW. I'm an adult.-Anonymous

I'm the co-founder of my high school Rubik's Cube Club.-Court

When I was younger, I was very reluctant to read. My mother tried and tried to teach me, but all I wanted to do was play video games. One day she decided that she wasn't going to read any game guide, or text within the game for me anymore. From that day forward, I forced myself to learn to read.-Chris

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Article Pwn My Life: Issue #22

August 19, 2010

Ever had a moment so nerdy they you needed to tell the Internet about it? Read more nerd confessions at Collegehumor, and send your submissions to dorklypwnmylife at gmail.

It annoyed me that that Dan guy said "Megaball" instead of "Master Ball," and "MewToo" instead of "Mewtwo" in the last issue.-Everyone. Get over it.

A few years ago I decided to start playing Maplestory again, but my friend had taken my account and changed the password. When I contacted the GM's, they refused to give me my password so I wrote to them, "You won't give me my password. I'm so depressed that I cannot go on living. I'm going to kill myself." Never thought much of it, until three weeks later when the cops and an ambulance showed up at my door asking if I was alive or depressed. -Cory

Some guy in the 7-11 parking lot just yelled at me for looking at his girlfriend's chest. I wasn't. I was so upset that 7-11 was out of WWE Slurpee cups that checking out women was the least of my concerns.-Sean

My GF and I decided it would be good to take a step backwards and move out after living together for a while. After living apart for two and half months, we both decided it would be better if I moved back in. We tell people that we have learned how to appreciate one another by living apart. The real reason is that I don't have a computer that runs WoW, and her back up computer works great. She and I decided that living together would be better for our WoW characters.-Jan

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Article Pwn My Life: Issue #20

August 12, 2010

Ever had a moment so nerdy they you needed to tell the Internet about it? Read more nerd confessions at Collegehumor, and send your submissions to dorklypwnmylife at gmail.

My girlfriend is pregnant. One day she found me looking through baby names on the computer. She got excited and said she was proud of me for being so mature. I was actually looking for a name for my Pokémon Silver character.-Marcus

Back in high school, I spent over 40 hours making a Vincent Valentine costume. I learned to sew specifically for that end. I went to school wearing it for Halloween, only to get mad at everyone for telling me they liked my "Freddy Krueger" costume.-Kevin

I mowed my lawn to the Persona 4 soundtrack today. There is no better feeling than finishing the lawn right when the seven-minute long final boss music (The Genesis) reaches the last few minutes and turns into the orchestral version of the regular battle music (Reach Out to the Truth).-Taquin (I have no idea what any of this means, but it sounds pretty damn nerdy -Kevin)

I've only cried two times in my life. Once at the end of Titanic when Jack dies, and once during the Pokemon episode where Ash releases Pikachu to live with a herd of Pikachus after seeing how happy he is with them.-Josh

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Article Pwn My Life: Issue #18

August 5, 2010

Ever had a moment so nerdy they you needed to tell the Internet about it? Read more nerd confessions at Collegehumor, and send your submissions to dorklypwnmylife at gmail.

My alarm clock ringtone is the Final Fantasy VII victory theme. I start every morning feeling like a winner.-Lee

One day, I was over a friend's house and we were cutting up peppers for his parents' restaurant. He got a bit carried away and cut his finger all the way to the bone. Instead of going to the hospital straight away, he got a bunch of tissues and ran to the nearest keyboard to check if it was a finger that he used for any of his WoW hot keys.-Anonymous

My family's only Christmas tradition is to play Golden Eye for N64 on Christmas Eve, all day. -Danny

One time a male friend and I spent a whole evening creating our own teenage mutant ninja turtle. We chose a color, weapons and researched Italian Renaissance artists so we could get an appropriate name. We even made a photoshop picture of the turtle by mucking around with a pic of Donatello. The funny thing was his girlfriend broke up with him over it, because she felt what we did was "too intimate" and he was "obviously cheating" on her.-Saskia

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