Article Pwn My Life: Issue #56

December 28, 2010

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Read more nerd confessions at Collegehumor, and send your submissions to dorklypwnmylife at gmail.

When I was in high school, my friends and I had a hard time beating Ninja Gaiden for Xbox. After months of practice, I finally beat it. My friends were all impressed and with my new found confidence I went up to the hottest girl in school and tried to hit on her. My pick up line: "Hey, so I beat Ninja Gaiden." Didn't work.-Anonymous

I once failed an exam on Greek mythology and got detention. To make things worse, I answered with the names of WoW characters. I got detention because the teacher also played WoW and knew who they were.-Carl

I puked during my calculus final today. I got that nervous.-Santa's Little Helper

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Article Pwn My Life: Issue #54

December 16, 2010

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Read more nerd confessions at Collegehumor, and send your submissions to dorklypwnmylife at gmail.

After playing for six years, I finally won a caption contest on the Neopets site. I took a screen shot of my winning post and the virtual trophy. I keep it in a secret file on my desktop and I look at it when I'm feeling down. I'm 18 years old and the thing that cheers me up is reminiscing about the time I beat out a bunch of 7-year-olds in a children's humor contest.-C

I am a female comic book artist. One day I was messing around with my brother-in-law's copy of Scribblenauts and decided to summon "cartoonist." She looks exactly like me.-SubbyP

Last year, when CoD: MW 2 came out, my long-term crush had decided he wanted to pay me a visit because we hadn't seen each other in a while. I was hesitant, but he showed up anyway. He started kissing me while I was playing the game, and finally we got to fooling around. Mid-way through I stopped and told him, "I'm sorry. I just can't do this, I keep thinking about Call of Duty. I need to beat the campaign." Then I kicked him out and finished the campaign. He's still the number two man in my life, but number one will always be videogames.-Sarah

I got a nosebleed last night while playing Black Ops. My mom had to turn off my Xbox to get me to go clean myself up.-Hawkar

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Article Pwn My Life: Issue #52

December 9, 2010

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Read more nerd confessions at Collegehumor, and send your submissions to dorklypwnmylife at gmail.

This Valentine's Day, my girlfriend and I hung out in my parents' basement, watched anime and ate Wendy's. It was the best Valentine's Day I've ever had.-Jonathan

The other day I was playing Fallout 3 and came upon a room with an iron. I picked it up, not quite remembering what quest I needed an iron for, but I remembered needing an iron for some reason. After looking through my quest log, I realized it had nothing to do with Fallout and that I needed to iron my pants for work the next day-Brian

Around third grade, my brother and I would go to a weekly Pokemon day at a local park. All the kids would bring their cards and straight battle and trade for hours. Being young and foolish, I traded my rare Kabutops for a lame Chansey I thought was cool. After my brother realized what I had done, he talked some sense into me, pointing out that that Kabutops was my best card and Chansey was awful. I begged him to get my card back. He had to give up his prized Charizard in exchange. I'm a sophomore in high school now and I still have that Kabutops on my desk. I keep it there to remind me how much my brother loves me.-Anonymous

I frequently have to turn cheat when typing papers for class with length requirements. I decrease both the font size and margins, and manipulate the sentence spacing so that it will be short enough.-Anonymous

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Article Pwn My Life: Issue #50

December 2, 2010

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Read more nerd confessions at CollegeHumor, and send your submissions to dorklypwnmylife at gmail.

The other day I was walking down the stairs with my laptop when I fell and dropped it. I started crying because I thought I broke it. After putting the battery back in, I realized that it was fine, and that I had sprained my foot and was bleeding.-Giorgo

When I was in grade school, my friends and I would play "Final Fantasy" at recess every day. Picture the scene: four little girls, standing in a line on the pavement in the school parking lot, taking turns stepping forward and shouting "'Fire 2!" at nothing and then returning to the line to wait for an invisible bar to fill.-April O.

When I was a sophomore in high school, my mom took away my laptop every night because she thought I was staying up late to watch porn. In reality, I was up past 2 AM every night playing RuneScape.-Anonymous

At the midnight release of Black Ops, the Gamestop I pre-ordered at had the local Hooters girls come in for the event. While waiting in line for about 45 minutes, one of them was flirting with me and asked if I would like to go to a party afterward with her and the other girls. I told her I couldn't because I didn't want my friends leveling up faster than me.-Zak

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Article Pwn My Life: Issue #47

November 18, 2010

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Read more nerd confessions at Collegehumor, and send your submissions to dorklypwnmylife at gmail.

When I was about 11, I hung out in my local video rental store for seven hours waiting for Chrono Trigger to come back. Eventually, they threw me out.-Matthew

One night, my roommate was playing Pokemon Yellow and he had made a lot of progress. After a while, I realized that he had fallen asleep. His Gameboy was still on and in his hand. Without waking him, I pressed start, saved, turned it off, and then put it somewhere safe. When he woke up the next morning he asked me where it was. I told him what I did and he thanked me and said I was like a caring mother.-Chris

I'm currently deployed with the Marines. I recently was able to get Internet in my berthing area and was on Skype with my fiance while playing Minecraft. I was talking about the things we have to deal with and started yelling "Sh*t sh*t sh*t!" She got really scared and said, "What's going on, are you okay?!" I said, "It's getting dark out and the monsters are coming soon."-Jim

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Article Pwn My Life: Issue #45

November 11, 2010

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Read more nerd confessions at Collegehumor, and send your submissions to dorklypwnmylife at gmail.

From 5th to 6th grade, I had the biggest crush on a girl in my class and no social skills. This was bad news for her. She suffered a lot pseudo-stalking, odd behavior, and random, creepy notes filled with my best (awkward and terrifying) attempts to imitate Shakespeare. Somehow none of it was getting her to acknowledge my existance. As if I hadn't traumatized her enough, I did the most romantic thing I could think of. I serenaded her with the complete song and lyrics from the opera house scene in Final Fantasy 3. In our homeroom. In the middle of the day. On graduation day. I thought it was going great until she ran screaming and crying down the hall. I'd love the chance to get in touch with her to apologize, but to this day she hasn't joined a single social networking site. I wonder why.-Michael

I brought the Maximum Carnage trade paperback with me when I got a tattoo, so I would have something to read while they did it. The tattoo artist asked if I wanted a spiderman tattoo, and I had to stop for a moment because I couldn't decide if I wanted to get my original idea or Spiderman.-Anonymous

I work as a waitress in a small restaurant. Our boss let's us wear what we want as long as it's appropriate and we don't mind getting it dirty. I made myself a bartender's outfit with an apron, dyed my hair blonde, cut it short, and started wearing sunglasses. Every day I go to work cosplaying as Heiwajima Shizuo from the anime Durarara and no one else knows it.-NK

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Article Pwn My Life: Issue #43

November 4, 2010

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Read more nerd confessions at Collegehumor, and send your submissions to dorklypwnmylife at gmail.

My University's wireless network won't allow the downloading of WoW patches, so once a week my roommate and I download the patch in the parking lot of a Days Inn.-Jason

I buy videogame soundtracks on CD. Not just games with epic scores, mind you, but games like Mario Kart 64.-AK

I bought a copy of Halo 3 as soon as it came out, two months before I could afford to buy an Xbox 360.-Jesse

I had just gotten Netflix for the first time and was streaming The Super Mario Super Show cartoon from the '80s on my PS3. I was having a great nostalgia trip until I noticed in the opening credits that Mario touches a star and, instead of becoming invincible, he gets fire flower power. I nerd raged for a few minutes until I realized I was alone, watching a children's cartoon from the '80s on a Saturday night.-Jay R.

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Article Pwn My Life: Issue #41

October 28, 2010

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Read more nerd confessions at Collegehumor, and send your submissions to dorklypwnmylife at gmail.

Back in 1997 I was in 7th grade and president of the Star Trek club at school. Then the Star Wars special edition was released and I founded the Star Wars club. I was and still am huge fans of both Star Wars and Star Trek. After that, people started making fun of me for loving Star Trek. Following three weeks of torment, I began seeing a therapist. I ended up having an emotional breakdown in his office. It wasn't because I was being made fun of at school. It was because I couldn't decide what I liked more: Wars or Trek.-Nate

There has not been a single moral or otherwise challenging decision I've made since finishing Dragonball and Dragonball Z where I didn't ask myself, "What would Goku do?"-Jonathan

When I was 12, I wrote to Marvel because I thought I found a flaw in a Fantastic Four comic and wanted a "No Prize," which is an empty envelope rewarded to people who find continuity flaws. I told them not to publish my address at the end of the letter. Not only did they publish my letter, dig in to me for being wrong, and include my address, they must have thought I was a loser who needed someone to write to, so they also signed me up for their pen-pal program.-Anonymous

When I was little my parents gave my N64 to my cousin and got me a PS2. I recently learned that my aunt THREW OUT Ocarina Of Time and gave the N64 to my cousin's friend, who broke it in two weeks. When I found out, I tied up my cousin and made him listen to the Battletoads pause music for two hours.-Jessica

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Article Pwn My Life: Issue #39

October 21, 2010

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Read more nerd confessions at Collegehumor, and send your submissions to dorklypwnmylife at gmail.

I've never been a physically strong person, especially since I don't exercise. My main problem was arm strength, so I decided that I would do five push-ups any time I die in Team Fortress 2. That was two months ago. Now, not only do I have some upper body strength, but I've also become better at playing Team Fortress 2 when my arms are tired.-Andy

My friends and I invented our own Defense of the Ancients version of Pictionary. It ranges from heros and items, to full on scenarios like "Crixalis using burrowstrike on Lina," or "Noob trying to stack two orbs."-Jeremy

When it's cold out at rugby practice, I pretend the steam coming off me is energy, and I am about to go Super Saiyan.-Colin

When I was younger and a Pokemon fanatic, I was obsessed with Seel and Dewgong. I had one of those card binders, and I used to place moist paper towels over their cards so they'd be comfortable. I also stored their figurines in a plastic container filled with water.-Andrew

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Article Pwn My Life: Issue #37

October 14, 2010

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Read more nerd confessions at Collegehumor, and send your submissions to dorklypwnmylife at gmail.

I just had a sexy dream where I cheated on my girlfriend with another girl I know in real life. The nerdy part is that the other girl and I were Spartans finishing a fight with the Elites in the Countdown map in Halo Reach multiplayer. My girlfriend was the last Elite we had to kill for the win and I even did a slow-mo assassination.-Zach

My girlfriend of two-and-a-half years recently broke up with me. The thing I'm most concerned about is how it's going to affect our D&D campaign. She's a cleric, so if someone has to quit it'll be me, the lowly bard.-Anonymous

At the beginning of every semester, I decide which textbooks to buy by first listing all the good videogames coming out in the next five months and how much they'll cost. This year it was Fallout: New Vegas, Pokemon Black, and The Force Unleashed 2. I'm not going to buy my Psych textbook because I can get all three of those games for less money than the book.-Anonymous

When people over-complicate problems, I tell them "Why are you making the Deku Tree into the Water Temple?"-Anonymous

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