Article Pwn My Life: Issue #76

By Kevin Corrigan / May 20, 2011

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnmylife at gmail.

After Mass Effect 2 came out, I bought an Xbox 360 and started playing the first Mass Effect so I could play the sequel after. I tend to snack while playing videogames. Around the same time, my friends introduced me to Flamin' Hot Cheetos. Throughout my two playthroughs of Mass Effect and three playthroughs of Mass Effect 2, there was not a moment I was without Cheetos, bot regular and lime flaming hot. Now anytime I see anything related to Mass Effect I get a tingle in the back of my throat and my mouth starts watering. And anytime I see Cheetos I think of sleeping with Miranda or Ashley.-Andrew

The other day, my buddy and I were playing Halo: Reach. He said something about wanting a tattoo and asked for ideas. I suggested our Halo clan emblem. After a pause, he said, "Dude, I might actually do that." We had a 30-minute conversation that ended in us both getting the tattoo.-Anonymous

After eight years of Runescape sobriety, I broke down and played for 17-hours straight. That night I laid awake in bed. Instead of being ashamed of my relapse, I was ashamed that my character didn't level up as much as it should have in those 17 hours.-Sarah

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Article Pwn My Life: Issue #75

By Kevin Corrigan / May 13, 2011

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnmylife at gmail.

A friend I hadn't seen since high school recently moved back in town. He reminded me about the bets we used to make over games of Wayne Gretzky 3D Hockey. He actually found and showed me a contract he wrote and I signed after a bad string of double-or-nothings. Apparently, I'm contractually obligated to name my first sons Snake, E. Honda, and Omega Red.-Anonymous

I was pulled over at 3am on Cinco de Mayo because my brake light was out. This being a drinking holiday, the officer thought I was drunk. Even after passing a field sobriety test, he still gave me a hard time. It wasn't until I provided my ticket stub to the 12:01am late-night premier of Thor that I was able to convince him that I was a nerd, not a drunk.-Sameo

I used to have an extensive collection of Weird Al CDs that I didn't listen to anymore. I took them to my local music store to trade in for store credit. The store also sold used videogames. When I took the CDs to the pretty girl at the counter, she looked at them and said "Getting rid of your Weird Al, eh?" I said, "Yeah, I think it's about time I grew up." Then I used the store credit to buy Pokemon Leaf Green.-Parker

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Article Pwn My Life: Issue #74

By Kevin Corrigan / May 6, 2011

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnmylife at gmail.

The other day my dad told me, "You don't know it yet, but these are the best times of your life." He's right. I just spent my spring break getting my Tetris high score to 4.8 million.-Anonymous

I work as a part-time nurse at an old folks home. To help my patients get closer to their children, I tried introducing them to Dungeons and Dragons. I figured that since it didn't involve anything electronic, it'd be pretty simple to teach them. I though I'd be a hero in the eyes of the elderly for helping them find some common ground with their grandchildren. Not the case. I spent most of that day being yelled at by a grandmother for "turning her innocent grandson away from the Lord's light and towards the wicked ways of the devil." By that she meant helping him play as a warlock.-Peter

Last summer, I signed up to be a part of my church's week-long work camp this April. I was really proud of myself for finally taking part in it. Then Portal 2 was delayed to come out the same week. I instantly dropped out of the camp. When people started asking me why I dropped out, I started going to a different church.-Anonymous

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Article Pwn My Life: Issue #73

By Kevin Corrigan / April 29, 2011

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnmylife at gmail.

Because the Playstation Network has been down these last couple days, I managed to write my thesis paper, study, do well on my exams and get back my girlfriend. Otherwise I would have played Black Ops.-Crispy

Shortly after I joined the Army, my unit was doing land navigation. It involves finding plotted points on foot with a compass, a map and a protractor. It isn't extremely difficult, but most people find it challenging the first time. I finished the course way ahead of the rest of my squad and got all of my points. They were impressed and asked me if I used to be an Eagle Scout or something. I told them that I had actually learned how to keep myself oriented by playing hours upon hours of Zelda. I immediately lost their respect.-Patrick

Growing up, my great aunt was a religious nut. When I was 6, she gave me $20 and told me to buy something to put in my room to remind me of my lord and savior. I bought a poster of Goku.-Kieran

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Article Pwn My Life: Issue #72

By Kevin Corrigan / April 22, 2011

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnmylife at gmail.

My Freshman year, I went on Spring Break to Waikiki, Hawaii. It was beautiful. I hiked, swam and boated everywhere on the island. However, the only pictures that I took were of the buildings that were featured in Tony Hawk Underground. The design and placement were perfect. The only phone call I made was to my friend in Texas to tell him how they were exactly the same.-Anonymous
I signed up to be a beta tester for the Everquest expansion, House of Thule, as soon as registration opened. It wasn't for the new content, gear or AA. It was for housing. I spent about 400 hours during testing messing around with houses. This allowed me to figure out exactly what lot I would want when the expansion went live. The day before the patch, I camped myself right where the ramp down to the housing zone would appear I download the patch as soon as it was available. I literally bolted down to the gate when it was finished, went to the exact plot I wanted and bought it. My house is considered one of the best on the server I play on.-Anonymous
A friend and I bugged another friend of ours to play World of Warcraft for two years. He has wanted to, but his parents wouldn't let him. They're religious and don't tolerate games with magic, because "magic comes straight from Satan." He finally caved last night, bought the game, went home and told his parents that he's an Atheist.-Austin
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Article Pwn My Life: Issue #71

By Kevin Corrigan / April 15, 2011

Ever had a moment so nerdy they you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnmylife at gmail.

Last year I was a manager at a pool. I discovered that one of my friends/employees had never played a Zelda game nor seen a single Star Wars movie. I let him borrow the original trilogy and my copy of Ocarina of Time. Then I refused to give him any hours until he'd finished A New Hope and gotten past the Jabu-Jabu's belly level.-GM

Before Guitar Hero World Tour came out, I was in awe of the new drum controller. I was so excited. A month before it came out, I started using my high school's drum set and practice room so I'd be ready. At the end of the month, the band director complimented me on how good I'd become and asked me to play in a show. Apparently I'd become one of the best percussionists at school.-Chris

I realized Santa Claus doesn't exist when I noticed that my parents didn't want me to play videogames and Santa wouldn't bring me any I asked for.-Tut

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Article Pwn My Life: Issue #70

April 8, 2011

Ever had a moment so nerdy they you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnmylife at gmail.

I finally caved today and drank my last bottle of Mountain Dew Game Fuel. It was 5 years past the expiration date.-Anonymous

This year I had a short Christmas list. One of the few things I asked my parents for was the Scott Pilgrim graphic novel set. When my mom went to the bookstore to get it for me, the clerk commended her purchase. He told her that graphic novels are a great way to get young kids into reading. They shared a good laugh when she informed him that I'm a 23-year-old college graduate still living at home.-Anonymous

I've played Nascar videogames so much that one of my controllers only turns left. Now I have an oval controller and a road course controller.-Anonymous

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Article Pwn My Life: Issue #69

April 1, 2011

Ever had a moment so nerdy they you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnmylife at gmail.

I only like going to the mall because I can sit on the massage chairs in Brookstone and pretend Majin Bu is absorbing me.-Memo

I recently bought a big mirror and hung it on the wall above my bed. My wife thinks I did it to spice things up. The truth is, I did it so I can see the TV and play my old Virtual Console games while I crap.-Anonymous

I just spent the night looking up which traits of the Weasley and Potter families are dominant and recessive. I'm trying to predict what Harry's children will look like. I plan to compare it to the actors they use in the final movie.-Gary

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Article Pwn My Life: Issue #68

March 25, 2011

Ever had a moment so nerdy they you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnmylife at gmail.

I use the "incognito" feature on Google Chrome for two purposes. One is porn. The other is fanfiction.-Anonymous
TrollandToad.com offered random Pokemon holographic cards for $0.25 each. I went nuts and bought 100 cards. I got them in the mail and man, I was impressed at some of the stuff they gave me. I went back to buy another 100. However, the price was now $0.39 per card. I live chatted with customer support and asked why the price rose. They told me pricing is based on demand. Previously, the item had not had a lot of demand. That's why it was so cheap. Now that it was in demand, it wasn't "on sale" anymore. Then it hit me. My single order was what drove prices up.-Anonymous
Today I overheard a very cute girl in my property class say she liked Superman better than Batman because Batman doesn't have powers. This infuriated me. I went over to her and explained that Batman has guile and is the world's greatest detective. I then started to inform her about why those attributes allowed Batman to kick the crap out of Superman. I stopped mid sentence because I realized how little she cared.-Anonymous
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Article Pwn My Life: Issue #68

March 18, 2011

Ever had a moment so nerdy they you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnmylife at gmail.

One day I was hella bored and watching cartoons when I stumbled upon an old DBZ episode. It awakened all my childhood memories. I became obsessed with it again. Any free time I had I would watch DBZ episodes online. I'm 24 and my wife is 22. She doesn't understand. She's caught me jacking off plenty of times, but I was more embarrassed when she caught me in our living room trying to go super saiyan.-maT

I bred (for natures and IVs), EV trained and raised 3 poketeams to lvl 100 while delivering pizzas. And no, I don't mean at red lights.-Anonymous

Since the beta of Starcraft 2, I've been watching matches from different people on youtube. First was Husky, HD, Day9, TotalBiscuit, then Psy and some others. I discuss the games in the comments below, everything from strategy debates to build orders. What's sad is that I don't even own Starcraft.-Anonymous

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