Article Pwn Up: Issue #86

By Kevin Corrigan / July 29, 2011

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnup at gmail.

When I was a kid, my mom used to make my brother and I keep a diary. I found it recently. There was one month where almost every page had a comment about Street Fighter II. The most remarkable ones:-I hate Vega, he is such a cheater-I hate Vega, climbing the fence is illegal-Brother told me he beat Vega, but that's impossible. I hate VegaAfter a few weeks without Streetfighter comments, I wrote, "I hate Sagat!!!!"-Anonymous

When I first started dating my girlfriend, she let me borrow her Gameboy. When I lost interest in her, I was afraid to break up with her because I thought she was going to take her gameboy back. I stayed with her for six more months.-Henry

When I was in the 12th grade, my school district had a contest: Every time you bought milk, you got a scratch card. First and second prize were expensive, but lame. Third prize was an Xbox 360. My friend and I were intrigued by the contest because the cheapest milk was just 10 cents. I really wanted that 360. My friend just wanted the scratch cards and had no interest in gaming. It was win-win. We bought 50 milks the first day. We drank them during lunch, and scratched the cards during English. We were both pretty sick by the end of the day. I usually took the bus home from school. I had to get off the bus before my stop and walk so I could vomit a few times. We slowed down our pace after that, and enlisted others to help.We spent about $50 on milk during the month long contest. We didn't win a single thing.-Andrew J.

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Article Pwn Up: Issue #85

By Kevin Corrigan / July 22, 2011

That's right. Pwn My Life is called Pwn Up now. Because we think that makes more sense. Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnup at gmail.

You can tell my girlfriend and I are nerds because we play World of Warcraft together. You can tell that we are huge nerds because she complains to her friends that we don't have enough in-game time together.-Anonymous

Over the many years I've been playing WoW, I've tried to get three of my girlfriends to play with me. They all would dabble and then leave me. The only woman who still plays WoW with me is my mom.-Ben

When I was 15, my friends and I invented our own version of blitz ball. We used one of those big balls that are in the cages in retail stores. It had a plastic pin you could remove and we filled the ball up with water. Every day in the summer after Final Fantasy X came out, we would play blitz ball in the deep end of a pool. The opposite walls were the goals and we played with teams of 2-4. You were able to pass the ball underwater and everything.-Andy

My senior year of high school I worked mainly so I could buy black market DBZ VHS tapes and other DBZ collectibles on Yahoo auctions.-Anonymous

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Article Pwn My Life: Issue #84

By Kevin Corrigan / July 15, 2011

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnmylife at gmail.

We begin this issue with a special message to Jeff B.: You've won the "Pwn My Lifetime Achievement Award," for submitting more entries than anyone else by far. Jeff B. has tried to get into this column 18 times between Sept 16, 2010 and July 3, 2011. While none of his submissions were nerdy enough to be published, his single-minded determination to contribute to an Internet column is notable in itself. Congratulations, Jeff. You've finally made it.

Everybody loves Super Mario Bros. 3. I, however, hold a special place in my heart for it. I was five years old in 1990, when my family purchased the game. Only a few months later, our house burned down. We salvaged what we could. Among the debris we found our blackened, soot-covered copy of SMB3. We didn't think it worked, but we kept it anyway. A few months after that, my mother's coworkers pooled money together and bought my brother and I a new NES. The first thing we did was put in SMB3 and, I'll be damned, it still worked! Every now and then I still play it. It reminds me of my old house, and how my brother and I would play it on Saturday mornings.-Anonymous

My boyfriend and I refer to cuddling as "tetris-ing."-Adam

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Article Pwn My Life: Issue #83

By Kevin Corrigan / July 8, 2011

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnmylife at gmail.

I suspect that the guy two issues ago that watched every episode of Dragonball Z in a month and a half may be my boyfriend.-A white mage

My parents got divorced when I was six. It was the same year that the Nintendo 64 was released. Without knowing, they both bought me an N64 to keep at their houses. I'm guessing it was to buy my brother and I's love. For the next three years I would get each of them to buy me the same games, so I'd be able to play them no matter where I was.-Mike

I have over 386 days played on 12 level 80+ characters on WoW. That's over 5% of my entire life.-Anonymous

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Article Pwn My Life: Issue #82

By Kevin Corrigan / July 1, 2011

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnmylife at gmail.

I live in Joplin, MO. As many of you know, we had a massive tornado go through our town. It killed a lot of people. I was planning to be in downtown Joplin right where the tornado hit when I left work that Sunday afternoon around 3:00. I stopped by my house at 3:30, had something to eat and was going to head towards Academy to pick up some stuff. Instead I decided my time would be better spent playing Black Ops. I logged in around 4:30 that afternoon. The tornado came through and hit Academy directly around 5:30, as well as 30 percent of town. I had no clue what had happened until the power kicked me off the game. I feel that my love for Black Ops may have saved my life that day.-Clinton

Pokemon Snap used to give me motion sickness, but I would play it anyway. It would get to the point that I had to sit with my head between my knees to avoid throwing up. Every damn time.-Chris

When I was a kid, I had caught 'em all in Pokemon Blue. I even went to a big event at the mall where you could get Mew added to your game. My parents drove me 2 hours to get it. When we got home my brother saved over my file on purpose. To this day I still resent him and we never talk.-Moheeb

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Article Pwn My Life: Issue #81

By Kevin Corrigan / June 24, 2011

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnmylife at gmail.

Most people don't know this, but my local ice cream shop makes ice cream cakes with pictures of Link on top. Most people don't know this because as soon as they finish making them, I buy them. In fact, I have the schedule of the guy who designs those particular cakes on my Blackberry. I don't want my cakes getting scooped by some fake nerd. One day, I went in to get the cake and some girl was trying to do it instead of Greg. Greg was the guy that usually made the cakes. I later became friends with him. The girl had the color scheme wrong to a disgusting extent. Her Master Sword was black. I got mad and asked her, Annabel, where Greg went. She said, "I don't know, I think he quit." I got so upset I ate the whole cake that night and haven't gone back since.-Bailey

My cousin got married a month ago. He and his wife are both avid gamers. At the reception, they didn't do a first dance. Instead, they set up a projector and PS3, and played a custom level of LittleBigPlanet 2. It was made by the best man for the occasion. Ladies and gentlemen, this is the new standard for nerd weddings.-Dan

When I started at my current job, I was told that I had to provide my own hard hat. I bought one at a local workwear place. It happened to be blue. That was the only color they had left of the cheap ones. I thought it looked boring, so I stuck a "Blue Sun" decal on the front. My co-workers (who are geek-impaired), assumed that it was the logo of my former employer. I never corrected them, and stuck a similar decal on my clipboard. As far as anyone at work knows, I am a proud former employee of the Blue Sun Corporation. Shiny.-NytCrawlr

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Article Pwn My Life: Issue #80

By Kevin Corrigan / June 17, 2011

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnmylife at gmail.

Fun Pwn My Life Fact:Most of you cried when Ash tried to release Pikachu back into the wild on the Pokemon cartoon. It was the only time many of you have ever cried, and many of you cry every time you watch it.

My wife and I had a son on June 6. The last day in the hospital I was texting a friend, jokingly, about seeing if my son Roddrick wanted to join our Minecraft server. When I logged into Minecraft a few days later, I noticed a new chest in my house with a sign reading "Roddrick's Starter Kit". My friend put full stacks of various items and materials in a single block chest for my son and I. Hands down, one of the best gifts ever. Thanks, Two-Hand.-Andrew

One of my best friends got me manga for my 18th birthday. I have never read any manga, ever. He was so sure I did because apparently I look like someone that reads manga.-Will

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Article Pwn My Life: Issue #79

By Kevin Corrigan / June 10, 2011

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnmylife at gmail.

Some friends and I are studying to take the bar exam. In order to better understand things, we've been applying principals of law to Star Wars. A typical session will include debates about whether using the force to steal from someone's home is burglary or larceny, whether Obi-Wan's ghost could testify in court, and if Han had a self-defense claim when he shot first. If we were taking the Tatooine bar, we'd be set.-J

I have a satchel that I bring everywhere I go. I purchased patches for it representing all the classes from World of Warcraft. Whenever I level a character to the level cap, I sew a patch representing that class to my bag. So far my bag has five patches. Patches 6-8 are on deck and soon will be ready to be sewn on.-Ethan

In high school my gamertag, "Palmo," was my nickname. There was another guy with the same real first name on my cross-country team, so Palmo stuck. When an art teacher hooked me up to do some video-editing work for an alumni's parents, they made the check out to Palmo. I had to get them to change it so I could cash it.-Palmo

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Article Pwn My Life: Issue #78

By Kevin Corrigan / June 3, 2011

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnmylife at gmail.

I work at a popular national home improvement store. I'm sometimes tasked with watering the plants in the garden center. This is a monotonous and boring job. To make things fun, I often take the hose and put it over my shoulder and pretend to be a blastoise. Not pretend pretend, just it makes me think "This is what it feels like to be a blastoise." I've been asked what I was doing. I say it makes the job easier. I was lying. It makes the job twice as hard.-Bill

When "Macho Man" Randy Savage died, I honored him by making a create-a-wrestler of him in WWF No Mercy for N64. Then I challenged HHH for the World Heavyweight Championship. I put the difficulty on expert and fought HHH for a full hour before I pinned him from an elbow drop off the top turnbuckle. RIP Macho Man.-Anonymous

A few weeks ago my mother gave birth to my little brother. My parents named him Damian. My name is Tim and my two older brothers are Richard and Jason. It took me a couple of days to discover we are named after each of the Robins from Batman. Shouldn't have been much of a surprise considering my father's name is Bruce.-Tim

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Article Pwn My Life: Issue #77

By Kevin Corrigan / May 27, 2011

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnmylife at gmail.

I'm not a gamer, but read Dorkly via collegehumor. I drive open-wheel formula race cars, and I'm a driving instructor for new drivers. While quite adept at driving an actual race car, I was never able to make heads or tails of the sims and games. Some people do it well, but I'm not one of them.

New drivers are required by regulation to attend a driving school before a competition license can be issued. I had one guy as a student who was a huge gamer. He loved racing sims so much that he purchased an actual race car, fire gear, helmet, etc. in order to do it for real. He was very cautious through his school experience, a bit less aggressive than I would have preferred, but I figured he would work through it.

After finishing school, you are on a provisional license for two races. After that, you get your competition license. The gamer guy's first race weekend was at a race I was going to be at so I told him to look me up and I'd give him a few pointers. We went out for the first practice session which included different formula cars (formula atlantic, maybe 160-170 mph capable while we were 130-ish capable). About half way through the session I lapped him. Two laps later, I was going down a straightaway and got split (one car going by on each side) by a pair of formula atlantics. No big deal. Done it a million times.

I came in from the session and pulled the race car in. His car was already on the trailer. I got out of my car and told him to get the car off the trailer. Whatever broke, we could fix it. He told me the car was fine. I asked why his car is on the trailer. It turned out he was split by the same pair of atlantics. At the speed he was moving, they had a speed differential of probably 60 mph going by him on either side, about 2 feet from his head. He said "This is NOTHING like racing sims on the computer! I'm going home!" I replied, "Yeah, it's your ass out there. No reset on a race car."

He left. Haven't seen him since. It's been 6 years.-B

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