Article Pwn Up: Modern Warfare Football Coach

By Kevin Corrigan / March 9, 2012

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnup at gmail.

Pwn Up: Modern Warfare Football Coach - Image 1

My daughter is into princesses. I showed her what a true princess was by beating Skyward Sword to show her Zelda. It is now a nightly event that I fight Demise, and bedtime comes as Zelda asks Link what he's going to do now.-A Proud Dad

A few years back, in high school, I got a DS Lite and Mario Kart DS. I'd never played a racing game before. In my first few matches against my friends I got crushed. Not to be deterred, I started practicing every day. I mastered "snaking," the art of drifting to the left and right to gain consistent speed boosts. I played until I buried the time trials of the developers under my own times. I practiced enough to realize the heavy stat didn't affect racing speed. Since that first day, I've won almost every Mario Kart DS game I've played, in person and online. I even bought a second DS so I could play classmates during our break.-KShao

This girl I thought was really hot told me Legolas was her favorite Lord of the Rings Character. I re-watched the entire LOTR trilogy so I could make conversation about him.-Horny teenager

In class the other day, my professor misspelled "asceticism." I knew it was wrong because I have a Magic card of the same name in a deck I often use.-Ben

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Article Pwn Up: Tattoo of War

By Kevin Corrigan / March 2, 2012

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnup at gmail.

Pwn Up: Tattoo of War - Image 2

Last year, my girlfriend gave birth to my daughter, Terra Branford Nutter. The only thing I brought to the hospital with me was my Nintendo DS and a copy of Final Fantasy 6. My goal was to beat it while she was in labor. 12 hours later, Terra was born into the world and Kefka has been smashed into oblivion.-Anonymous

One of my friends told me he'd never played a Zelda game. Since then I've been forcing him to play all of them, using every bit of leverage I can. On Valentine's Day, he asked if he could borrow my car to drop something off at his girlfriend's place "real quick." I let him. He didn't come back for four hours. I was stuck at his house playing Ghosts and Goblins with no way of contacting him. I only made it to level three in that time. He felt real guilty when he came back. I used that to make him complete the next two dungeons. So far he's completed Ocarina of Time and Majora's Mask. He's currently playing Windwaker and Link to the Past.-Anonymous

I don't know anyone else with a 3DS. Most of my street passes are from demo kiosks. Target Miis are always red. Between my two local stores, I have a pretty high-level red team for Find Mii 2, consisting of my good friends Nick and fvgj.-Matt

I got a tattoo on my forearm of Omegle symbol from God of War. It makes me feel tough. One night I was at the Taco Bell drive-thru at 2am. It was in a shady area. All of a sudden a group of teenagers wearing hoods came up to my car. I got scared so I rolled up my sleeve, to show them my tattoo and how tough I am. Then I tried to channel Kratos's badassery. After the employee handed me my food, he started chatting with the hooded teens. Turned out they were friends of his. They were hanging out by the window because the inside of the store was closed. I don't think they even looked at my car, or my tattoo.-Anonymous

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Article Pwn Up: Minecraft Prom Proposal

By Kevin Corrigan / February 24, 2012

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnup at gmail.

Pwn Up: Minecraft Prom Proposal - Image 1

The Skyrim NPC, Grelod the Kind, reminds me so much of my dad's mother. I detest her. I had to reload the game several times until I felt I'd killed her perfectly. Basically, I decapitated her, stripped all her loot, Fus Ro Dah-ed her body into the fireplace, and placed her head on the kitchen table. I wanted to put her head on the cooking pot, but it was too hard to balance. And just to make sure she wouldn't rest in peace, I placed her soul in a soul gem. Then I stored it in my inventory for safe keeping.

I hate you grandma.-Angry Asian guy who hates his dad's mother

My university chokes your Internet if you use an unusual amount of bandwidth. I received a letter recently due to my over-use. It demanded an explanation. I had to go to the student union and explain that I'd been staying up all night, every night, watching Dragonball Z episodes online.-Anonymous

Every other weekend, my dad sends me to help tend the horses at my uncle's ranch. It's his way of trying to get me away from gaming culture and shape me into a man. I've been doing it for months. He thinks it's working. It's not. When everyone leaves, I ride my horse to the Shadow of the Colossus soundtrack while waving a stick and shouting "Agro!"-Erick

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Article Pwn Up: Valenpwn's Day

By Kevin Corrigan / February 17, 2012

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnup at gmail.

Pwn Up Valenpwns Day - Image 1

After reading every issue of Pwn Up, I feel a little less geeky, and I graduated from high school a virgin Valedictorian who quoted Spock in my speech.-Jay

I play World of Warcraft. I applied to a guild recently. The recruiter seemed interested and asked if I could make the next raid. I informed him that I would be unable to because it was Valentine's Day. He said that was an issue. I was not invited to the guild. Apparently, I am not dedicated enough to the game.-ScottyZen

I recently got a tattoo close to my armpit. The hardest part was I had to stop playing League of Legends for two days because it hurt to sweat.-MTN

I have to take motion sickness medicine to play anything other than Magic the Gathering. To play games daily it costs me $10 a month for the pills. I have to plan in advanced because I have to wait for the meds to kick in before I can even start. Also, I have to eat before I can take my meds, otherwise my stomach will throw a hissy fit. The only benefit is that the cheap medicine makes me sleepy. I can kill two birds with one stone when I want to play games and need to go to bed in a couple hours.-Danielle

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Article Pwn Up: Pac-Man Bra

By Kevin Corrigan / February 10, 2012

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnup at gmail.

Pwn Up: Pac-Man Bra - Image 1

Former Indiana Pacers center Rik Smits is an assistant coach at one of my local high schools. At one of their games, I walked up to him and said, "Mr. Smits, thank you for your invaluable help to me in NBA Jam: Tournament Edition on the Super Nintendo." He looked at me funny and, after a long pause, said, "Uhh…. my pleasure."-Matt B.

I proposed to my girlfriend by renaming the classes on Call of Duty Black Ops into a proposal. Each class was a different word. She loved it.-Anonymous

I had the round of my life in CoD: Black Ops one night after enjoying a few adult beverages. I wanted to share my success, so I decided to email a buddy from work. His name was one below a high-ranking VP in the company directory. After sending the message about my kill/death ratio, I got a message back from the VP. All it said was "wtf are you talking about at this hour?" I had to swallow my pride and explain what the message was about. He still looks at me strangely at company meetings. I didn't mention, I was 32 at the time.-Anonymous

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Article Pwn Up: Zelda-xiled

By Kevin Corrigan / February 3, 2012

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnup at gmail.

Pwn Up: Zelda-xiled - Image 3
I just proposed to my girlfriend. We started planning everything, and I mentioned I wanted to have Solid Snake and Meryl cake toppers. She asked who they were. I told her a requirement to marrying me was to play through MGS1 with me before the ceremony. She said yes!-Kyle (who sounds more excited to play MGS than to get married)

My fiance and I split up four months ago, after I spent months planning the perfect wedding. It was a zombie-themed wedding, complete with a zombie flash mob that would do the Thriller dance during our first dance, steam punk wedding bands, two wedding cakes (a companion cube and a human head, with red velvet cake brains), 5-inch floppy disk invitations, and a DJ playing nothing but MC Lars, MC Chris, MC Frontalot, etc. My perfect wedding was ruined by the groom.-BrooklyneB

I secretly like the hair on my toes because it makes me feel like I'm part-hobbit.-Paige

Two months ago I was coming back to my dorm pretty late. I noticed someone playing Skyward Sword in one of the TV lounges. I'm a huge Zelda fan, so I stopped in to see who it was. It turned out to be an insanely cute girl. Her roommates were using her TV so she'd been Zelda-xiled. We got to talking, and she was quite knowledgable about the whole series. Eventually I had to leave, because she was at the same point in the game as I was, and I didn't want any spoilers. By a stroke of luck, a friend of hers knew who I was and she added me on Facebook. Two weeks later I asked her out. We've been dating ever since.-Anonymous

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Article Pwn Up: Pwnsident Evil 6

By Kevin Corrigan / January 27, 2012

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnup at gmail.

 Pwn Up Pwnsident Evil 6 - Image 2

There is this girl I like, but she has a boyfriend and thinks of me only as a friend. Then one evening we were alone and eventually made out. The first thing I said after was "achievement unlocked." She decided to stay with her boyfriend.-Anonymous

In college, I convinced the campus doctor that I had a ADHD and got an Adderall prescription. I didn't have ADHD. I did it so I could stay up all night playing Socom and remain attentive and alert. That's right. I needed performance enhancing drugs to maintain my 3:1 kill-death ratio.-Brennan

Last night, I dreamed I was in Skyrim. The dream included long loading screens.-Anonymous

I was asked to play piano for a funeral. They wanted me to play for about a hour and a half. After 45 minutes, I was running out of songs. I took a risky move and played the Dire Dire Docks theme from Super Mario 64. Nobody noticed. In fact, everybody loved the song.-Anonymous

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Article Pwn Up: Star Trek Pwrn

By Kevin Corrigan / January 20, 2012

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnup at gmail.

Last week I went to a hockey game. There was a young girl sitting next to me. She was playing a DS. I noticed that she dropped her stylus, so I picked it up for her. "Here, I think you dropped this," said I. "Oh, thanks buddy," said her father. "She's always losing that thing." I chuckled and said, "I know how they can be, I have one of my own." "Yeah. They're something special all right," he said. "They sure are," I said. I think he thought I was talking about daughters. I was talking about my DS.-G

I have a little Christmas tradition (late I know, shut up). On Christmas Eve, I go into every one of my Pokemon games and send each character home for Christmas to spend it with their mom.-Anonymous

After realizing how massive the Skyrim world is, I printed out a map and taped it to my wall. I mark off the dungeons as I complete them with a marker. I'm too ashamed to let other people see it, so I keep it hidden under a college banner. I only take it out when my door is closed and locked.-Nick S

My fiance and I are getting married in April. To get ready for the reception, she's been having us practice with Dance Central 2.-James

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Article Pwn Up: As Always, Not 3DTV Compatible

By Kevin Corrigan / January 13, 2012

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnup at gmail.

A few years ago, during Winter break from college, I finally got Fallout 3. I'd been dying to play it for months and I got my chance. When it was time to go back to school, I decided to stay home and keep playing Fallout instead. One of my classmates kept calling me asking why I wasn't at school. I told him I was sick, while I was in my room getting stoned and playing Fallout all day. The next day I decided that exploring the gray ruins of the DC wasteland was more important than my associates degree in filmmaking and dropped out!-Danny954

When my older sister and I stayed with our mom, we stayed in a cabin that was run by the environment. We needed the sun for electricity. We needed the rain to take a shower. At the time, we were both addicted to Black Ops. Both of us agreed that we'd rather have sunny days and play Black Ops than get to shower.-Anonymous

I had a bright red scar on my nose for a year that's starting to fade. I called it my geek scar. I got it because I was in bed, balancing my laptop precariously on my knees. If I left it on the bed the fan wouldn't vent properly. It fell. The full weight of the computer hit me in the face via the edge of the screen.-BEK

So far in my quest to complete Skyrim with every class in the next couple days I've: listened to my entire Wu-Tang Clan collection (almost everything they've done) four times, eaten two and a half family packs of Doritos, a 16-inch pizza, and five cans of Monster.-Anonymous

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Article Pwn Up: It Gets Nerdier

By Kevin Corrigan / January 6, 2012

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnup at gmail.

I couldn't drink or go out at all this New Years. I was stuck in my apartment on intravenous drug treatments. Instead, I set up my own pub crawl through Skyrim. I went from tavern to tavern, from hold to hold. I managed to blackout and wake up in a brand new city in a temple I apparently trashed. I'm wondering if I can make real Nord mead for next year and do it in real life.-Anonymous

My husband and I tried for almost three years for me to get pregnant. It gave us plenty of time to discuss names. We decided we wanted our boy to be named after two animes we love. Well, it looks like the world will soon meet Jiriaya Elric.-Dani M.

You get a companion named Lydia in Skyrim. Lydia also happens to be the name of my ex. The break-up hurt me quite a bit. In retribution, I blew her off of the Throat of the World using my unrelenting force voice power.-Anonymous

A month ago, I went to my girlfriend's country house. Her uncle let me ride a horse. When I was comfortable enough, I picked up a stick, road one-handed and yelled "For the middle Earth and for Frodo!" That freaked the horse out. It ran to it's crib, which I smacked my head on. My girlfriend's uncle and brothers had to drag me out.-Hendrys

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