Article Overheard on Xbox: Issue #17

September 14, 2010

Ever hear something horrible and/or hilarious on Xbox Live? Send your submissions to overheardonxbox at gmail.

OK, so I was playing a Team Slayer match on Halo 3. Every once in a while, I could hear someone saying "Nice job!" And after could hear a baby laughing. I asked what he was doing and who he was talking to, and he said, "I'm teaching my 2 year old how to play." This 2 year old beat us all with 24 kills.-Phillip

In the lobby of a Halo 3 matchThe game is about to begin and I hear one opponent say, "Dude hurry up, the match is about to start."  His friend on another account responds, "Don't worry I'm peeing out the window, almost done."-Cody

A few weeks ago my roommate and I were playing MW2 on PSN. We joined a game and the first thing we hear is a pre-pubescent African American boy telling another player that, "even though my balls ain't dropped, they still bigger than yours!" We laughed and encouraged him as he continued to tear the other guy apart with language that would make a construction worker blush. Right before the game started the object of our taunts told us to "F**K OFF," and dropped out. After that, the kid sang "Oops, I did it Again," for the entire match. I would adopt him if I could.-Drew

"You're such a sexy piece of foreskin!" -Jake

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Article Overheard on Xbox: Issue #16

September 7, 2010

Ever hear something horrible and/or hilarious on Xbox Live? Send your submissions to overheardonxbox at gmail.

12 year old boy on MW2 to his mom."Mom where the f*ck is my chocolate milk? You said you were gonna make me some motherf*cking chocolate milk, and I don't see no motherf*cking chocolate milk".-Oto
I just got Team Fortress 2 a few months ago, so my friends helped me get some achievements by us acting out the required actions. We were in an empty server, until this Australian kid (no older than 11) joined. He kept complaining that he wanted achievements too, so one of my friends told the kid "If you shout BANGBALLS really loud, you'll get the achievement for that." Not only did the kid repeatedly shout that over and over, trying his best (us laughing our asses off behind mics) another friend of mine joined our game. "Oh, it might work now that HE'S in here." "Okay, but I'm only doing it one more time! BANGBALLS BANGBALLS BAAANGBAAALS." Till the day I die, I will never forget.-Chris
I'm a female gamer. While playing Halo3 the other day an annoying nasally voiced kid starts hitting on me. He tried several pick up lines two of the best were "I hope you have flood insurance cause you're about to get wet" and "Girl do you fart? Cause you blew me away." Then proceed to rap about random crap the whole match and got 1 kill.-T
I was playing Halo at like 3 in the morning and I fell asleep mid-game from a combination of fatigue and liquor. The other team had heard me snoring into my mic and had started searching out my body for free kills. When I woke up it was to a bunch of guys screaming in my ear in the lobby – apparently one of the best players on the other team had come up to kill me, and I had somehow managed to assassinate him in my sleep, scoring the winning kill for me team and ruining his spree. He raged and quit for the night, and I don't remember a thing.-Kristin
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Article Overheard on Xbox: Issue #15

August 31, 2010

Ever hear something horrible and/or hilarious on Xbox Live? Send your submissions to overheardonxbox at gmail.

One day I was playing Halo 3 with my friends, and naturally we were "pretending" to be gay lovers, and we get matched up with this 12 year old. After putting up with our antics, the 12 year old makes a great discovery: "Hey if you shoot a turret, and hold the controller on your testicles, it feels really good."-Jake C.
I was playing a free roam match on Red Dead Redemption with a few friends of mine and we were attacking this other posse at Fort Mercer. We went around the back of the fort and wrecked the only kid guarding that side. He then without thinking said "Gosh I've got 3 guys on me back here." I replied without missing a beat "You should be used to that". The room erupted into laughter, even his own teammates. The kid left without saying a word.-SHOTBlocker4044
During a free-for-all match in MW2 some little kid got tired of everyone killing him while he was trying to snipe he says "THAT'S IT, I'M GOING COMMANDO!" After that some random older dude proceeds to say "Oh yeah, does the mean you're going to be naked?" Then when the match finally ends and we all see the killcam (which was a quick no-scope in the air) the little kid says, "THAT WAS SO EPIC THAT IT MADE MY NUTS DROP!"-Jose
I was playing Search and Destroy on MW2 when I heard a really whiny-voiced kid start complaining about campers. I asked him how old he is and he told me was in the second grade. I asked him what a penis is and he told me it was like a hot dog but smaller and it doesn't taste as good.-Austin
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Article Overheard on Xbox: Issue 14

August 24, 2010

Ever hear something horrible and/or hilarious on Xbox Live? Send your submissions to overheardonxbox at gmail.

We were playing Halo against this really nerdy kid that was talking sh*t and my friend comes out of nowhere and says "I bet you own a lot of ironic t-shirts don't you?" The kid left.-Joshua
When Modern Warfare 2 came out, half of my co-workers got it and we all would always party up until 5 am. Every night things would be going good but after 3 am hit, one of my buds would always just go nuts. His most infamous quote "If this guy kills me again I'm going to quit my job and hang myself".-Keith
It's always rough being a girl who likes to play COD. I was near the end of a match once, and some guy (as usual) asks if there were any girls. I spoke up, and they proceeded to call me a liar, and asked why I sounded, instead, like a twelve year old boy. I had no witty comebacks, other than, "yes I'm really a girl". But the coup de grace was some guy with a heavy southern accent saying "Son, why don't ya just go wank yer willy?" just as the match ended. I'm not sure my friends will ever let me live that one down.-Nicole
A English guy on MW2 destroyed everyone in the game, he was unbelievably amazing and didn't say a word the whole time. The game was full of red necks who began shouting stereotypical English slurs and shouting references to the Revolutionary War. All this shouting was interrupted by a slurping noise that lasted a good 10 seconds followed by "WTF was that!!!" The English guy then replied: "That was a Victory Sip, bitch." -Alex
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Article Overheard on Xbox: Issue #13

August 17, 2010

Ever hear something horrible and/or hilarious on Xbox Live? Send your submissions to overheardonxbox at gmail.

I was playing MW2 and this girl gets on and starts talking. First thing she says is "Hey guys, do your girlfriends ever fart and then you walk into it?" After some colorful responses and some sures she says "I told you I wasn't the only one!"-Jared
In Halo 3 a little kid asked my friend how he had a flaming head, something Bungie allowed all its Halo 3 players to use during Bungie Day. He told him he had to go through the hardest level on the hardest difficulty with all the kills turned on, then jump off a ledge at the end that led to a platform added that day. He then told him it usually takes several tries and if you die you have to start the level over. He came back four hours later asking for help, we laughed and then muted him.-Zack G
"Did you guys know that World War II was based off the movie Saving Private Ryan?"-Anonymous
When playing MW2, this guy asked why my name was so long then proceeded to try to say it. He failed miserably. Some people corrected him and they said it just fine. I told him it's because I don't have trouble reading. The team erupted in laughter. -Ricardo T
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Article Overheard on Xbox: Issue #12

August 10, 2010

Ever hear something horrible and/or hilarious on Xbox Live? Send your submissions to overheardonxbox at gmail.

I was playing a game of Halo 3 Slayer with one of my friends and we could hear another kid on our team talking to his friend in the same room. This kid had to be only like 12 or 13, and we could hear his friend start to scream at him. He then yells back as loud as he possibly can, "I don't care how hot she is, it's HALO time!"-Drew
"I'm gonna tactically insert my M-16 into your ACOG scope"-Kent
So my friend and I were playing MW2 on team deathmatch and we hear these french guys talking. So I say jokingly 'Ugh, f*cking frenchies.' They proceed to dish out what I guess they considered some hardcore smacktalk. Here is just a taste:'You are a f*cking virgin!''Yes, you are a little girl!''You can lick my shoes, virgin.'Good times.-Sean C.

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Article Overheard on Xbox: Issue #11

August 3, 2010

Ever hear something horrible and/or hilarious on Xbox Live? Send your submissions to overheardonxbox at gmail.

I was at my friends house playing Halo 3 and this one kid in our game couldn't play because he didn't have the mythic map pack, so he asked how to get it. And this other kid said "OK, what you do is you get your Xbox, put in Halo 3, and Shake it!" Then the 12 year old kid disconnected and never joined back in the party.-Cooper
I was playing MW2 a few days after my girlfriend had broken up with me.  I was pretty down in the dumps at the time. After destroying a team in TDM, my opponents all got on the mic and started talking some SERIOUS sh*t to me. Instead of ignoring it or talking sh*t back, I decided to throw them a curveball for fun, saying, "Honestly, compared to everything else going on in my life, having people talk sh*t to me is no big deal."  After a brief silence, one of the guys who had been harassing me said jokingly, "Do you want to talk about it?" The whole lobby, including myself erupted in laughter.-Nick
My (very rude) cousin was over at my house, and he had no problem making himself feel at home and play my 360 without my permission. He went on doing stupid things like friending someone I don't know. Later that day, I was sitting at the table minding my own business when from the other room I hear, "What? My voice sounds like your sister's? It's cuz I make out with her so much!"-Flippy
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Article Overheard on Xbox: Issue #10

July 28, 2010

Ever hear something horrible and/or hilarious on Xbox Live? Send your submissions to overheardonxbox at gmail.

During a Halo 3 session with my buddies we had gotten the mythic map packs before it was released for the USA. These group of 7-12 year-olds were begging us how you get them. We told them if you join recent players custom games and SCREAM AS LOUD AS YOU CAN you will receive the map packs from us. We got a party of around 10 of these kids. We join some random kids game and out of nowhere the recent player is freaking out because there is 10 little kids screaming their asses off!!-Danceder0961
"I put up with so much crap from my ex-wife. When she asked if her boyfriend could move in with us, that's when I'd had it."-Tim R.
Me and my friend were playing CoD MW2, and some kid with the gamertag "CalibratedLemur" was annoying everyone, yelling "GET SOME!" after every kill and generally being an ass. Then, about halfway through the game we hear: "Hey, CalibratedLemur. That rhymes with lubricated wiener, which is what you want, in your FACE." This followed with a weak "Nuh uh…", and then LubricatedWiener shut up. I think someone's due for a new gamertag.-Sam W.
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Article Overheard on Xbox: Issue #9

July 20, 2010

Ever hear something horrible and/or hilarious on Xbox Live? Send your submissions to overheardonxbox at gmail.
Was playing MW2 when I heard a guy in the background of another games mic saying "Dude, hurry the f*ck up! Your wedding's in 30 mins. So about 25 mins later, I was curious and added his gamer tag, he accepted, and I joined his game. Apparently the wedding was delayed due to some weird claim, and he's now on a killing streak, with every kill he says, "with how many kills I make today is how many chicks I'm going to bang a month, since my bitch wife isn't going to game with me. One of the reasons I married her too."-Arv S.
While playing COD 4 there was this really annoying little kid who was really pissing everyone off. He began to talk about how he was going to rape everyone and their mothers. Everyone was trying to get the kid angry but nothing seemed to work. I then asked the kid if he even knew what rape was. The line was then silent for a few moments until the kid then said "SHUT UP I HATE YOU!' and then left the game. -Kris S.
After he found out I'm from South Africa, a British teenager asked mewhether District 9 was real.-Hadlee
During a game of Search and Destroy on MW2 I was cussed out by an angry 12 year old child. This was followed by the kid talking to his mom with his mike still on. "Mom! I don't want crust on my pb&j!"-Chris B.
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Article Overheard on Xbox: Issue #8

July 13, 2010

Ever hear something horrible and/or hilarious on Xbox Live? Send your submissions to overheardonxbox at gmail.

Me and a group from work were playing Halo 3 Death match together. While we're playing talking as normal, we suddenly hear a really loud whining noise cutting in and out. Suddenly we hear "MA! STOP VACUUMING THE RUG!!". He's 29.-John
"Man, you're laggin' like a filibuster."-Alex
While playing CoD4, I pointed out to a guy that he sounded exactly like Hank Hill from King of the Hill, and I mean exactly. He then spent the next several games going off about Propane and Propane accessories and yelling out things so dead on I almost died laughing. You could always tell when he got shot because he would start with "Damn it Peggy!" And then go off on a rant for several minutes that always ended up about Propane.-Stephen H.
I was once playing COD4 cage match against some 12 year old kid that kept declaring that he was going to 'destroy me' in the fight. Naturally, as a d-bag 10th prestige, I figured I would decimate this kid so I just let him talk. After I got 9 kills on this kid, he threw a random grenade and killed me and stated "Oh yeah, You don't mess with the best". And proceeded to say that until the end of the game. I then set my schedule around following that kid into matches shooting him in the face and then saying "Don't mess with the best."-Kerch
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