Article Overheard on Xbox: Issue #27

November 23, 2010

Ever hear something horrible and/or hilarious on Xbox Live? Send your submissions to overheardonxbox at gmail.

I was  playing Halo 3 and my friend came into my dormroom stating he can't study and asked if I could help. I said sure and handed him the microphone. The next 3 games he proceeded to clearly read aloud the Native American history textbook. Halfway through game 3 one person asked "How are you able to play while reading that?" to which my friend calmly replied without hesitation "Please hold all questions to the end of lecture."-Michael
When Halo 2 first hit Xbox Live, me and my buddy would often go online just to piss people off. We would sit in the pre-game waiting rooms with other players all waiting for us to start the game but never actually play. We did, however, have auditions for our "Halo Boy Band", and we'd try to get players to sing along to our latest single, "My Halo Boyfriend". The best part? People actually tried to audition and sang to us about their "Halo Boyfriend". The 10 year old British kid was the real icing on the cake. He didn't take it so well when he didn't make the cut though.-Ryan
Overheard while on vent with some buddies.Buddy 1: I love watching youtube.Buddy 2: How about playing the damn game.Buddy 1: Nah.Buddy 2: I am going to build a keypad in your ass so when you scratchit you can f*cking play.Buddy 1: Sweet, that will make it easier to macro then.-Micah
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Article Overheard on Xbox: Issue #26

November 16, 2010

Ever hear something horrible and/or hilarious on Xbox Live? Send your submissions to overheardonxbox at gmail.

I was playing execution on Gears of War 2 when I noticed that there was somebody on the other team that had the gamertag "Dr Phil." Each time he was killed, I would ask, "how does that make you feel?" in my best Dr. Phil voice. Everyone was laughing, except Dr Phil of course!- Preston
I overheard the last part of a story coming into a room:"[and] it turned out, I wasn't even wearing my underwear on my head!"- Mans
I was in a MW2 lobby in between games and two kids who were apparently friends were talking to each other when one of their dads gets on the mic to ask the other if his dad was home. He kept asking "is your dad home? Hey billy is your dad home?" and the kid either didn't hear or wasn't paying attention so I chimed in "yeah billy IS your dad home??" The guy proceeded to call me a sick bastard for preying on kids on X-box live and then I overheard him grounding his son for playing with pedophiles.- John B.
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Article Overheard on Xbox: Issue #25

November 9, 2010

Ever hear something horrible and/or hilarious on Xbox Live? Send your submissions to overheardonxbox at gmail.

One thing my friend does to keep from playing with little kids is state as soon as he is in the game and hears high pitched voices, he 'notifies' everyone that he is a sexual offender with emphasis on children and that he is mandated to notify everyone. He's not, but he is a genius, 'cause it works everytime.-Tommy
"Baby, if you get in daddy's way again during his Modern Warfare time, I will squish your tiny head and make you retarded."-Marc
The other day I was playing MW2 and not having a very good round. Some guy comes on the mic and starts yelling at me that I'm bringing the team down and how much better he was (even though his score wasn't much better). Anyway, I figured I'd mess with him so I told him I wasn't doing very well because I was playing on my iPad. The guy proceeded to tell the friends he was with and began asking me how that was possible. Being a computer engineer I made up some fancy jargon to get him to believe I actually was. I never told him I was joking so he may still be looking for a way to do that.-Andy W.
I was watching my brother play some Forza Motorsport 3, when all of a sudden (he has voice chat set to play through his speakers), someone blurts out "HOLY F*CKING SH*T" and their car just moves forward, decelerating, until it hits a wall. He comes back about 2 minutes later, and just blurts out, "MY F*CKING SOFA WAS JUST ON FIRE"-Liam
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Article Overheard on Xbox: Issue #24

November 2, 2010

Ever hear something horrible and/or hilarious on Xbox Live? Send your submissions to overheardonxbox at gmail.

A random conversation between two people who did not know each other on Halo Reach:Xbox live player 1: Hey didn't you T-bag me earlier today?Xbox live player 2: I don't know.Xbox live player 1: Do you T-bag a lot?Xbox live player 2: I did T-bag a guy in Spire.Xbox live player 1: Yup, that was me.Xbox live player 2: Oh……. sorry dude. -Steve S.

"Have you ever masturbated with buttered popcorn?"-Bryan B. playing team deathmatch in MW2

Playing Red Dead Redemption the other day I got embroiled in a massive land grab in Armadillo.  A few of the guys in my posse had Southern accents, and the rest of us had, normal-ish voices (not Southern). Suddenly the posse leader pipes up with "Y'know I like y'all. You talk like British people but, I like you cause you're not British."  WTF?-Michael R.

I was playing Modern Warfare 2 the other day and this guy was getting yelled at by what I assume was his girlfriend or wife.  Finally he said, "I had told you if you slammed the door one more time I was gunna smack that sandwich right out your hand.  Didn't I say that?"-Justin

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Article Overheard on Xbox: Issue #23

October 26, 2010

Ever hear something horrible and/or hilarious on Xbox Live? Send your submissions to overheardonxbox at gmail.

Apparently, I am not the only choir kid who plays on live. During a game of Halo 3, which was being particularly laggy that day, I began singing "A tribute to John Williams" during one of the bouts of lag. I was surprised to hear my song continued on by another player, perfectly matching my pitch and rhythm.-Simon
After winning a match of slayer on Halo Reach, one of my teammates says "Good Game" just as the scores post and the loading screen starts. I then proceed to say "Yeah it was great" at the same time a guy on our team yells "how do my nuts taste!?" All my team heard was me saying "Great" as a response. By the way I'm a girl.-Linda
I was playing Halo Reach and at one point one of my teammates yelled "EXPLOSIVE DIARRHEA!!" and left the game.-Caspar
Playing MW2 one night and my one buddy was having a conversation with his dad and forgot to mute his mic when we hear him say "I wouldn't come downstairs later, I'll probably be laying here in the chair playing video games naked".  -Nick B.
My friend has some unnatural obsession with Tails. So bad he went out and bought a plushie of him. So one day we were playing Red Dead Redemption.  Me and a few friends remembered there were foxes in Red Dead Redemption.  So we went hunting with our Tails loving companion. Needless to say we killed many foxes and teabagged them yelling at our poor friend "this is what you really do to Tails." He started crying and left the game and party.My friend is 28.-Simon

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Article Overheard on Xbox: Issue #22

October 19, 2010

Ever hear something horrible and/or hilarious on Xbox Live? Send your submissions to overheardonxbox at gmail.

Playing Medal of Honor, a kid came into the room and asked if we were "Christ followers" because his mom would only let him play with "those who have been saved." I laughed at him and told him I'm Jewish, even though I'm not. He immediately left.-Dustin
Heard in lobby of Cod MW2"That's right Chris.  You can just curl up inside me like a tauntaun."-Andy C.

My friend and I were playing Halo when some random kid sent out a mass message saying that he would sell his account for microsoft points and included his cell number for urgent questions. We decided to call and once we confirmed that it was actually him proceeded to tell him that we worked for microsoft and what he was doing is illegal. After telling him that we were going to ban his Xbox from ever going online again he started crying. A lot. We tried to give him a fake number and name to call if he had any questions but once he started to actually write the number down (still sobbing) we lost it and both started laughing hysterically.-Ryan F.

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Article Overheard on Xbox: Issue #21

October 12, 2010

Ever hear something horrible and/or hilarious on Xbox Live? Send your submissions to overheardonxbox at gmail.

(While playing Halo 3)Guy 1: "Halo 3 is alright… BUT Halo 2 was THEE game."Guy 2: "But Halo 3 is still good."Guy 1: "But Halo 2 was better."Guy 2: "But Halo 3 is still good."Guy 1: "But Halo 2 was better.."Guy 2: "But Halo 3 is still good."Guy 1: "But Halo 2 was better."(This went on for a good 10 minutes longer, neither of them ever raised their voices.)-Jeff B.

Shortly after the care package glitch (which allowed you to get unlimited care packages by climbing over a barrier) was fixed in MW2, my friends and I came up with a brilliant plan. So our whole team slapped on care packages, sentry guns, and emergency air drops for our kill streaks, went into some hardcore HQ and saved them up until the end of the match. When there was five minutes or so left in the game, we pretended to do the care package glitch, dropping everything at once. Needless to say, we got some little kid to ask how we managed to do that and we told him that we just care package glitched. He proceeded to tell us that they had patched it at which point I responded that all you had to do was lift your Xbox up and give it "one good shake" as you were going over the barrier because it would read from your disc then and not from the patch on your hard drive. He was hesitant at first, but several days later he contacted me to try to figure out how to do it, so I went into a private match, invited him to party chat, and let him kill me four times. As he's going over the barrier, I hear him say "It says the disc is unreadable." By switching my mic off and on for burst of laughter, I was able to make it sound like he was the one who messed up instead of me just getting him to scratch his disc. To this day, he still thinks he just shook his Xbox too hard.-JC

I was playing MW2 and started talking with this dad who was playing with his son. Here's a sample of the gold they were spewing the whole time we played together:Kid: Are you from Texas?Me: No. Texas sucks.Kid: No it doesn't! I'm going to go to college in Texas!Dad: You need to worry about passing the sixth f*cking grade dipsh*t.After the kid died, he cussed at the guy who killed him. The dad replies, "He's just a product of bad parenting. Mostly his mother."-Danton

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Article Overheard on Xbox: Issue #20

October 5, 2010

Ever hear something horrible and/or hilarious on Xbox Live? Send your submissions to overheardonxbox at gmail.

So I was playing Halo Reach Team Deathmatch with some buddies. I see my friend throw a plasma grenade that lands right on an enemy's face, so I tell him "Aw man, nice stick, dude". My teammates start laughing hysterically and I don't understand why. I then realize, the "nice stick" part sounded like a really awkward mad gab. Just try saying it out loud and you'll hear what I mean. It didn't sound like I was complimenting his grenade kill at all.-Chandler
A Mexican kid called me a redneck on Xbox live. I'm from Eastern Canada.-Cody
A guy in my Clan on MW2 has a lot of good things he likes to say to people who are pissing us off, but my personal favorite is, "I'm gonna take your mom out for a Very Nice Dinner, and never call her again!!"-Anonymous
When I play MW2, I tend to pick on the little kids who are obviously too young to have bought the game themselves. So I was going at it with this one kid who kept calling me a whore (just like my mom). I made some joke about his testicles not having dropped yet, and as a last resort to get me back, he said I never got laid. Then out of nowhere, some random guy goes, "So which is it? Is he a whore or a virgin? He can't be both!" The kid stuttered and signed off immediately.-Corey
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Article Overheard on Xbox: Issue #19

September 28, 2010

Ever hear something horrible and/or hilarious on Xbox Live? Send your submissions to overheardonxbox at gmail.

The funniest thing I ever heard on Xbox live was while playing a MW1 match. I got into this game with a bunch of kids who were 12-14, all in the same clan and had all top prestige. I ended up playing well and was destroying them. After the match, one kid, I guess the leader, called me out to 1v1 him in a match. Considering I was already late to go out, I said I couldn't and he starting calling me out and what not. I then replied, "I'll 1v1 your mom, and he replied "Good, my mom is actually good at this game." Then in the background you hear "Mom, some kid wants to 1v1 you," the entire lobby just burst out in laughter, and the kid left.-Troy
Some dude on Modern Warfare 2, talking to another kid"So what I'm saying is, my threesome was with a solid 7, then maybe a 2. Does that mean I got with a single 9 or?"Other kid: "No man, you average it. So really you got with like a 4.5."-Justin
From a ten or eleven year old, during a Gears of War match"You're a douche-bag. You're a bag full of douches."-Dave
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Article Overheard on Xbox: Issue #18

September 21, 2010

Ever hear something horrible and/or hilarious on Xbox Live? Send your submissions to overheardonxbox at gmail.

OK, so my Dad just started gaming to get in with the 'Hip' and 'In' crowd (namely MW2 and BC2) and reckons he's pretty good at it. He is constantly sitting on the couch over the weekends, yelling "Yeah Baby!" every time he gets a moderately lucky/skillful kill. The other day I'm sitting in the other room and I hear him playing MW2 loudly. I was about to go in and ask him to shut up when I hear the iconic 'HISSS" of a combat knife, followed by my father's angry muttering "The combat knife, we meet again, my arch nemesis" I nearly crapped myself laughing.-John
So me and a bunch of my friends were playing Gears of War 2 on the weekend for the 25 times XP weekend. We hosted a game of Social Guardian and all of these random people started joining instantly. We played throughout the whole game and we destroyed the other team every round. At the end of the game one of the guys on there team started whining about how "it took two COG soldiers to take down one locust soldier". After he said that the room went quite and I said "you should be use to having two guys double team you" everyone in the room started laughing and the whole entire Locust team quit right after that.-Justin
I was playing Halo reach with one of my friends on Xbox live and we got to a part where a warthog was optional. We really don't like the vehicles much so we decided not to use it. I proceeded to destroy the warthog and my friend asked me why. I replied, "So the covenant don't use it." He continued by stating from his immense halo knowledge (all from halopedia might I say) that the covenant would never be caught dead in a warthog. Needless to say a warthog with 2 elites, one at the wheel the other at the turret come barreling around the corner and splatter my friend. I then heard his girlfriend say over the mic, "Wow you got owned, maybe I should be sleeping with your friend instead."-Arman
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