Picture NES EngineJune 07, 2013
You might need to blow on the starter.
Picture NES FurnitureMay 17, 2013
You may need to blow on the table to make it work.
Picture Zelda Cartridge RingMay 01, 2013
If your marriage isn't working, just blow on it.
Games are meant to be clayed.
If it doesn't fit, just blow on it until you pass out.
Picture The Ultimate Nintendo CakeDecember 11, 2012
This will blow you away.
Punk rockers, leather grannies, and nerd dads all love 8-bit boardgames.
Picture NES LunchboxDecember 05, 2012
If it doesn't open, just blow on it for a while.
The original Super Mario Bros. for the NES is something of a Rosetta Stone for adventure games, informing virtually everything that followed it. It's a simple tale of an underdog hero overcoming impossible odds to rescue a damsel in distress from an evil monster. Pretty simple, right? Wrong. It's a tale of corruption, genocide, greed, and overflowing sewage. And Mario's the bad guy. These are the horrible truths about Super Mario Bros.
Mario Kills Countless Enemies Who Aren't Even Trying To Hurt Him
Let's say you're a Goomba you don't exactly have the best life: you're short, you're weak, anyone who touches you dies, and you're named after an ethnic slur. Luckily, all you want to do with your time is peacefully walk across the world. You never target anyone, you mean no harm to a single soul you're actually a peaceful, benevolent creature (who happens to look like the kingdom's primary food source). Hell, you don't even have any arms.
Suddenly you get smashed. You're dead. Wha What? Why? Who? Well, confused dead Goomba an Italian plumber just crushed you to death for no goddamn reason. He jumped on your skull and flattened you because he felt like it. You were never trying to do anything to him, but because you dared to walk in his general direction, he ended your existence.
Mario is a violent nutjob. Very few of the enemies in Super Mario Bros. are actually trying to kill him. Sure, there's the Piranha Plants, the Thwomps, and maybe even the Hammer Bros., but the vast majority of the enemies Mario kills are just out for a walk: Koopas, Goombas, even Bullet Bills are essentially innocent creatures that can't control when or how they're launched. So why does Mario do this?
Because they were in his way. That's some Dexter-level thinking right there.
Video Ninten-blowNovember 27, 2012
It's a tough job, but someone's gotta do it.