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1. Duke Nukem

When the world decided it didn’t need Mr. Nukem’s chauvinistic, bullet-spitting ways, it cast him aside like a spent shell casing. Disgruntled and disillusioned, Duke sought an outlet for his machismo-fueled rage. He entered himself in a series of mixed martial arts competitions- but was quickly thrown out of the league due to a liberal use of brass knuckles and lit cigars. After a few years of unemployment he finally landed a job as an umpire for little league t-ball games. He has been known to instigate fights among the childrens’ parents- simply so he can throw a few punches. For entertainment he frequents the Detroit area “Chubby’s,” a topless bar with more “ample” employees.

2. Doctor Eggman

Ever since protests by PETA and allegations of animal cruelty got his doctorate taken away, Dr. Eggman has been attempting to stage a return to the scientific community. Unfortunately, there is no immediate need for devices that “suck up rings” and large, levitating demolition contraptions. These setbacks have forced Eggman to change the direction of his comeback. Using his odd physique, Dr. Eggman is currently developing a line of clothes for pregnant women and obese mad scientists, aptly titled “Bigger-Einstein’s”.

You can only play through the main story of a game so many times, and with each replay, the experience becomes less and less enjoyable. From warp whistles to programming glitches, game secrets can refresh a stale gaming experience. Here’s a tribute to our favorite ways to cheat in videogames.

1. Legend of Zelda, Ocarina of Time: The Biggoron Sword

In Hyrule, the good stuff was hard to get. REALLY hard to get. Even after braving all the temples, Link’s Master Sword was only second second fiddle to the Biggoron Sword. To get it, Link had to facilitate the Hyrulian black market between all of the shadiest characters, deal in Odd Mushrooms and Pocket Eggs, wait three days, dodge rolling boulders, and cross the country several times; all for a sword he wasn’t even man enough to hold with one hand.

2. Pokemon: Missingno

This was a secret that many attempted, but few carried out to the end. After sailing around on your Lapras for a few hours (in those days, gamers still had attention spans of steel), a jumble of tiny pictures named Missigno would try to fight you. Even better, if you ran away, Missigno rewarded your cowardice by duplicating one of the items in your backpack. If only the mutant fish in the polluted river near my house did the same.

The Super Nintendo

You never forget your first time. Back then, you didn’t care how “edgy” or “cool” a girl was, you just wanted to have fun. Pure, sweet, innocent fun. Sure, she wasn’t the hottest girl you’d ever date, but she had personality. Like all first loves, you thought it would last forever, which is why it was such a surprise when you dumped her for…

The Playstation

Look, you were young. It was seventh grade, and she had all the things you loved in your old girlfriend, but with more… depth. Hoping for a nostalgia trip, you looked her up recently. Big mistake – how did someone so devastatingly attractive end up looking so ugly? Maybe you should give SNES a call – I hear she’s as cute and fun as ever.