Article 5 Reasons The Non-Superpowered Superhero Thing Is Bullshit

By Jason Iannone / April 18, 2014

Some of our most popular superheroes aren't super at all: they weren't born with special powers, never gained powers via some freak accident, and must rely completely on ingenuity and hard work to succeed. They're just like us!

Except...they absolutely aren't. The "superhero without superpowers" deal sounds nice, until you realize that every single one of them is naturally leveled up to the point where they become superpowered by default. No actual human could possess or accomplish what these people do, so the implication that these people are powerless, yet still super somehow, is pure bullshit.

So what amazing powers does your favorite non-powered hero possess? 100% of the time, they'll boast one or more of the following ...


1. Endless, Obscene Wealth


5 Reasons The NonSuperpowered Superhero Thing Is Bullshit


It's generally accepted that non-powered heroes need oodles of cash to make their violent hobby work. But even the richest of the rich have limits to their wealth; only about a hundred people on Earth have more than $10 billion in the piggy bank, after all. If anyone else were to spend money recklessly on some super-secret hero lifestyle, they'd be broke before they knew it. Even the super-rich would have trouble balancing their checkbook after a while, and once they start having to gather dimes to buy a Big Mac, they'd probably reconsider blowing another $15,000,000 on a camouflaging fighter jet.

But people like Bruce Wayne and Tony Stark do not have this problem. Not only are they ludicrously rich, but they stay ludicrously rich, and actually get ludicrously richer despite blowing untold amounts of cash on everything-proof armor, vehicles more powerful than every military tank on the planet combined, elaborate hideaways that are more difficult to access than Disney's Club 33, high-tech weapons, computers that can do literally anything, and sky-high medical bills.

Are they ever even hurting for money one teensy tiny bit? Of course not! Their businesses never fail (and if they do, they quickly come bck and their fortunes remain as mysteriously limitless as ever.) They have the power to piss money away and, as anyone who has struggled to keep the lights on or put food on the table can tell you, that might be the greatest superpower of all.

Filed Under   batman   iron man   superheroes   powers   green arrow
How to Make Every Successful Superhero Movie Ever Made

Video How to Make Every Successful Superhero Movie Ever Made

April 07, 2014

It's like the origin story for money.

Filed Under   movies   batman   spiderman   iron man
Homemade Avengers: Thor vs. Iron Man

Video Homemade Avengers: Thor vs. Iron Man

March 13, 2014

The team at Cinefix recreates one of the most memorable scenes in superhero-punching history.

Filed Under   homemade   iron man   thor   sweded
Obadiah Stane's Darkest Secret (Warning: NSFW)

original Obadiah Stane's Darkest Secret (Warning: NSFW)

March 11, 2014

He is Iron Manga.

The Iron Bat IRL

Picture The Iron Bat IRL

March 11, 2014

The difference between a superhero and a cosplayer? About a billion dollars and a gym membership.

Filed Under   cosplay   mashup   batman   iron man
The Iron Bat

Picture The Iron Bat

March 10, 2014

For when you just can't decide which renegade billionaire hero with daddy issues to go with.

Filed Under   mashup   batman   iron man
Movie Villains Are Always British

Video Movie Villains Are Always British

January 28, 2014

Loki, the Mandarin, and Frank D'Amico are bloody hooligans, ya chav.

Iron Man Transforms Sailor Moon-Style

Video Iron Man Transforms Sailor Moon-Style

December 17, 2013

Shellhead vs. Meatball Head

Balloon Iron Man

Picture Balloon Iron Man

November 29, 2013

Tony Stark's Mk. XV armor left a lot to be desired.

Filed Under   wtf   iron man   balloons
Daddy's Little Prop: Iron Man

Picture Daddy's Little Prop: Iron Man

November 08, 2013

Tiny Stark.

Filed Under   cosplay   iron man   baby