Article ALERT: We Recommend You Change Your Password, Burn Your Computer, and Also Get A Whole New Face

By Andrew Bridgman / April 15, 2014

ALERT: We Recommend You Change Your Password, Burn Your Computer, and Also Get A Whole New Face

Hey guys!

So - you may have heard of the so-called "Heartbleed vulnerability" - essentially, it's a security bug in open-source OpenSSL. Many sites that were thought to be secure were anything but - and while updates have fixed the problem, the exploit was wide open for quite a long time.

As a result, we recommend you take the following actions:

 

1. Change your passwords.

All of your passwords. Email, Facebook, banks, secret knocks to get into the neighborhood clubhouse, safe words you've worked out with your sexual partner for when things go a little "too far", Twitter, etc. All of them may have been compromised.

 

2. Smash and burn your computer.

Unfortunately, the odds that your entire system has been corrupted is too great at this point. The only solution is to destroy the hardware and sever your connection to this technology. Some major shit is about to go down, and the suits were too late in catching it. We're talking that Johnny Cage 'Transcendence' movie type shit here.

 

3. Scatter the ashes of your computer across the four corners of the earth.

Keep the cursed remains of your computer as far away from each other as possible. It's only delaying the inevitable, but every second counts.

Filed Under   internet   heartbleed   security
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Article The Internet REALLY Likes Espurr

By Jake Young / October 22, 2013

Of all the new Pokemon unveiled in X and Y, there's been a real standout according to the fanart community. Espurr, labeled as the "Restraint Pokemon" (no really) is a psychic-type kitty cat that has delighted fans around the world. Artists just can't stop drawing this little guy with his fluffy appearance and versatile moveset- oh who are we kidding, it's because of his harrowing stare that can see your darkest secrets.

 

The Internet REALLY Likes Espurr

 

"... it was 1993, you were all hopped up on Pecha Berries, and it was the last time you saw Steve."

Filed Under   internet   pokemon   internerd   espurr
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Filed Under   internet   websites

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It's all downhill from here, folks.

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