So - you may have heard of the so-called "Heartbleed vulnerability" - essentially, it's a security bug in open-source OpenSSL. Many sites that were thought to be secure were anything but - and while updates have fixed the problem, the exploit was wide open for quite a long time.
As a result, we recommend you take the following actions:
1. Change your passwords.
All of your passwords. Email, Facebook, banks, secret knocks to get into the neighborhood clubhouse, safe words you've worked out with your sexual partner for when things go a little "too far", Twitter, etc. All of them may have been compromised.
2. Smash and burn your computer.
Unfortunately, the odds that your entire system has been corrupted is too great at this point. The only solution is to destroy the hardware and sever your connection to this technology. Some major shit is about to go down, and the suits were too late in catching it. We're talking that Johnny Cage 'Transcendence' movie type shit here.
3. Scatter the ashes of your computer across the four corners of the earth.
Keep the cursed remains of your computer as far away from each other as possible. It's only delaying the inevitable, but every second counts.