Filed Under » fallout

The blog Dog Shaming has taken off recently, detailing the shameful acts of dogs and forcing them to admit their sins. However, Dorkly knows that videogame dogs have far more to be ashamed of than any real life dog.

Dogmeat (Fallout)

Gimmicks have always been a mainstay of the gaming industry – what better way to separate your game from the rest of the pack than by adding some weird, unique, maybe pointless feature? Sometimes the gimmick adds another layer of depth and makes your game more memorable – other times its annoying, stupid, or just plain bad. These are 8 of the best and worst gimmicks in videogame history.

Best – Sanity Meter (Eternal Darkness: Sanity's Requiem)

Eternal Darkness was doomed from the start – playing as multiple characters (most of whom died grisly deaths no matter what you did), a surreal Lovecraftian plot (ending with ancient gods battling in outerspace while you fought a resurrected Roman centurion), and one of the most mind-bending gimmicks ever introduced into mainstream gaming: the sanity meter.

What it was (for those of you who didn't play, which based on the sales number is pretty much all of you) was your character would gradually go crazy every time they were seen by something…well, crazy. As the meter slipped, weird effects would start taking place – it appeared like there was a fly on your screen, the volume on your TV would lower, your save files would delete themselves. The game didn't see fit to only make the character feel like they were going crazy – they made you feel crazy too. The result was scarier and more immersive than almost any game ever, but most people ignored the game. Remember, developers: purposely trying to screw with gamers' grasp on reality – not the ticket to success.

I was a couple years too young to have gone through the D.A.R.E. program that so much of my generation fondly remembers in the form of ironic t-shirts. Somehow, though, I learned to respect my body and keep myself on the straight and narrow, and like all of the best parts of myself, I chalk my drug-free lifestyle up to spending my formative years playing hours and hours of video games. While drug education relied on horror stories, video games maximized the coercive power of fear by letting us live the nightmare of a drug-filled lifestyle firsthand. Here's a rundown of the reasons to stay off drugs, as taught by gaming.

7. They'll Make You Explode

In Grand Theft Auto III, the Colombian cartels have introduced a new drug called SPANK to the streets of Liberty City, and it's a doozy. Something like cocaine on PCP, SPANK is highly addictive and causes paranoia and insanity, which is fine, if that's what you're into. SPANK starts getting problematic, though, in the mission "Kingdom Come," where you're attacked by "SPANKed-up madmen" with explosive vests and a passion for blastin'. The only thing more terrifying than combustible junkies are combustible junkies who won't shut up, and the SPANKed-up madmen have that pegged: they laugh like jackals and repeatedly yell "COME TO PAPA!", among the grossest interjections in the henchman's catalogue. I consider myself an adventurous guy, but if I'm starting my night with something I think is safe, healthy, mom-and-pop cocaine and ending it screaming my way across a parking lot with a C-4 shirt on, I might just pass this time.

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnup at gmail.

I don't celebrate Father's Day because my dad walked out on us before I was born. Recently I had finally picked up a copy of Fallout 3 and, on Father's Day, all my friends were doing father-related things – so I stayed home and played Fallout 3. I was at the part in the game where I was helping my characters dad with the water filtration missions and (SPOILER!) suddenly the Enclave showed up. So on Father's Day, I had to watch helplessly as my (videogame) father died. As a guy, I'm probably not supposed to admit this, but I cried. I had gotten so attached to this father character and now he was gone. I was supposed to follow Doctor Li out of the building but I didn't want to leave dad behind. I cried and wanted to load an earlier save file so I could have him back, but I had no other choice but to carry on. I have decided I will not rest until I hunt down and kill everyone in the Enclave.
-DudeNoob

After having sex for the first time at a friend of mine's grad party, I waited until my one night stand left the bedroom to take out my iPhone and play the "Credits Concerto (Ending theme)" from Donkey Kong Country.
-Randy

One time, I had a hard math test for which we needed a calculator. I had forgotten mine that day, so I asked around to see if anyone could loan me one. Unfortunately, no one could. Then, I remembered I had brought my DS with me and I had Pokémon Platinum on it. Thanks to the Pokétch calculator, I could finish the test and I could tell my friends that Pokémon had helped me through it.
-Anonymous