Picture An Xbox FuneralMarch 07, 2013
Say goodbye one last time to the characters who ran out of continues this year.
Buckle up or it's Game Over.
Who would you say is the most merciless, heartless killer in nerd culture? Anakin Skywalker was pretty ruthless when he mowed down those adorable little Padawans, right? Maybe the Doctor, who killed every other Time Lord and a good chunk of Daleks in the Last Great Time War? While these people are brutal killers, all pale in comparison to the most remorseless, cruel murderer in nerd history: Joss Whedon. Here are the 7 most tragic deaths caused by Joss Whedon.
7. Penny (Doctor Horrible's Sing-Along-Blog)
Penny serves as a unrequited love interest for the evil mad scientist, Doctor Horrible. In the end, Doctor Horrible's hollow victory is caused and hinged upon Penny's death. That's the way tragic irony works the audience yells, "No! That is the exact opposite of the thing that was supposed to happen!" Penny dying is like your mom giving away your favorite teddy bear because it got old and the dog puked all over it, but replacing it with a new, better teddy bear. Sure, you got a fresh new toy now, but at what cost? (oh, also, Joss Whedon stabs your old teddy bear in front of you a bunch, too) Penny is portrayed by the funny, smart, talented nerd queen Felicia Day, who I kinda want to be when I grow up. I think it was my Felicia Day love that left my heart as vulnerable as hers was when she was punctured through the chest by stray shrapnel. Wait, I guess all hearts are vulnerable to that.
Video Immortal KombatJuly 05, 2012
Heroes fade away, but gamers never die.
Life. Death. For all things, there is a season. Now you bask and frolic in the light of the sun, but in time, you, too, will be commended to the earth. Unless you're in a comic book, in which case, you'll probably just take a quick dirtnap and get back on your feet in no time, so long as yours is a commercially viable series (and sometimes even if it's not). For superheroes, returns to the world of the living range from triumphant to shockingly dumb to outright ridiculous. Here are the 7 most ridiculous resurrections in comic book history.
7. Aunt May
In the Hitchcock film Psycho, mild-mannered Norman Bates lives alone in an old motel with his elderly mother, who commits horrible murders. By the end of the film, it's been revealed that Norman's mother has been dead for a decade, and the 'Mother' committing the murders is actually an aspect of his fractured psyche; he dresses like her, carries on conversations with her, and stole and preserved her corpse so she would never truly die. This is not unlike Peter Parker's relationship with his Aunt May, who has been very nearly murdered so many times it's a miracle she never built up an immunity. Most recently, she was shot in a failed hit by the Kingpin. Seeing his aunt dying again, Peter literally made a deal with the devil: In exchange for the life of an old, old woman in perpetual danger, Peter agreed to retroactively give up his marriage and entire romantic history with his bombshell supermodel wife. Time was turned back, allowing Peter to spend many more blissful years with his aunt's embalmed corpse. Of course, this is only slightly more ridiculous than the last time Aunt May died, at which point she turned out to have been a surgically-altered actress all along, because that's a thing that happens.
Permanent death is one of the most shocking things that can happen in a videogame mainly because we grew up in an age where new life was just a quick continue away. Here's a tribute to 11 of the characters whose moms wouldn't give them any more quarters. Warning: Most of these games are pretty old, but may contain spoilers if you're totally out of the loop.
It's a good thing there's no fall damage in FFVII, or Sephiroth probably would have broken both of his legs and we wouldn't have the most shocking death in VG history. Actually, Sephiroth probably would've died and then THAT would be the most shocking death in VG history. And probably the grossest. Whoever heard of someone going to a place of worship only to be unexpectedly penetrated?
Don't answer that.
Roman's death shouldn't have bothered us that much. He was pretty much just a human, fat, Yugoslavian combination of Navi and Natalya, except he always wanted to go to strip clubs or bowling. So, a kind of awesome combination, but still annoying and always in need of rescuing. RIP Roman Bellic Husband, Cousin, Friend. Do not weep for him, for he is ogling titties in Heaven now (or not, otherwise RIP Kate).