Filed Under » conversations

Whew! That was a close one…so much blood

Welcome to Yorkcast!

Yeah…This is a pretty nice town you got here.

Yup! We have weapon shops, potion shops, and a place for you to heal. That's it, though.

And that sustains your economy?

I guess.

Really nice place. You guys don't have a monster problem?

Nope. No monsters here.

Because, outside, it's like, every five steps is some kind of giant, terrible monster. They're everywhere. I'm surprised you even exist.

Well, we have a fence.

Of course. I was wasting all my time with swords and fire-spells. I should have gone with plywood.

I guess. We also called it a "safety-zone". That seemed to work pretty well.

Hey, whatsup?

Not much. Just chilling.

Cool, cool. Yeah, that makes sense. It's a beautiful day to stand in one spot staring forward and approach anyone who passes by.

Exactly. But want to know something weird?

Yeah. That's literally point of asking "what is up".

Some other guy challenged me to have my pet fight his pet.

What!?

Yeah, it was weird. He yelled at a mouse to shoot lightning.

That's messed up-

And it did! And he made me pay him!

What did you do?

I made a pithy punning comment about him defeating me.

Makes sense.

And get this; he had badges.

Like a boy-scout?

Exactly. And he said he had to "catch them all"

FINISH HIM!

BABALITY!

All right! Good match, Johnny. Had me on the ropes there for a sec.

(crying) Guh…guhh…..WAAAAAHHHHHHHH…

Oh jeez, I think we have a Poopality over here!

Okay, let's see what the next match is…uh, Johnny Cage vs. Scorpion.

Um. I don't mean to be a spoil-sport, but I don't think I'm comfortable with that…

C'mon, Scorpion, you can't cancel right before the match.

This isn't fair, Mr. Khan. I didn't know I was going to be a fighting a baby.

Frankly, I think it's way less fair for the baby than you. Why are you complaining?

I'm complaining because I don't feel like uppercutting a baby and tearing him limb from limb. Plus, this is a new outfit and I'd hate to get baby poo on it. Nothing gets baby poo out.

Yes! I've retrieved all of the pieces of the Triforce and saved Hyrule!

Hey kid!

HEY! LISTEN! An old guy is talking to you!

Yeah, Navi, I heard him. What is it, old man?

Your quadforce is missing a piece.

My…my what? "Quadforce?" Uh, I think you mean "Triforce."

HEY! LISTEN! Link thinks you're wrong, old guy.

Yeah, I can hear. Look, kid – there's clearly a piece missing from the middle. How is that thing supposed to balance? A slight nudge would knock it over.

WATCH OUT! I think he's going to slightly nudge the Triforce, Link!

…

I can't believe you never noticed that.

Um…hey, Mario?

So a-what is it this time? Kidnap the princess again? Luigi? If it's Luigi, you can a-keep him.

Uh no. Not this time. I need…a plumber.

…oh. Jeez. That's a first. What's the problem?

It's the pipes. They're not connected to anything. There's no running water in the entire kingdom, evil fire-spewing plants are growing out of the pipes, and the sewage system is…not pretty.

Wow. That is a major a-plumbing problem. How have we never a-noticed this?

Ever wonder where the toilet pipes go?

Uh…

Sh*t World 1-2. We have literally filled up an entire world with sh*t because our plumbing system is so f*cked.

Oh god. I thought that a-was mud! Smelly, a-smelly mud…I WORE MY FROG SUIT THERE, YOU DICKHOLE.

Can you take the job?

So…I really haven't a-done any actual plumbing jobs in a couple decades. Are you sure you don't want to just a-kidnap the princess?

Mr. Mayor — I think we should talk about some of the complaints the citizens have had lately.

Like what? Actually, wait one second – I'm gonna summon a monster attack.

See – that's exactly what I'm talking about. You need to stop pressing the "Monster" and "Earthquake" buttons. Actually, we should probably have them uninstalled altogether.

Listen: I was elected to this office –

You created the town and have been running it for over 100 years with no elections.

Same difference.

Not really. There've also been some questions about your immortality, but we'll get to that later. First off, I think we should consider moving the nuclear power plant away from all the residential zones. Especially because you can't seem to stay away from the "Meltdown" button.

Ugh, but if we move it away, it could cost over $90 in extra power lines! How am I supposed to explain that to the community?

If we're talking about the budget, we should probably think of giving the fire department more than $0 funding a year. The fire at the airport has been raging for almost six years.

Oh sure, then the police department will start asking for more money too!

I doubt it, sir. Against the constant begging of the citizens, you still haven't built a single police station or hired any officers. If you'll look at the chart, the areas in red are where crime is the worst…