Article In the Stands at the Wii Tennis Court

July 28, 2010
  1. Spectator #1

    So, who's playing today?

  2. Spectator #2

    Looks like a pair of identical twins against a different pair of identical twins.

  3. Spectator #1

    Huh. What are the odds, right?

  4. Spectator #2

    Pretty high, actually. I've been watching these matches for years, and it's mostly twins playing against twins.

  5. Spectator #1

    Whoa! Did you see that?

  6. Spectator #2

    What?

  7. Spectator #1

    Each set of twins is swinging in unison! It's… kind of creepy.

  8. Spectator #2

    Well, you know. Tennis is a creepy sport, right?

  9. Spectator #1

    …Maybe. Jeez, these guys aren't very good.

  10. The balls flies into the stands.

  11. Spectator #1

    I mean, what was that?

  12. Spectator #2

    Oh, that's this team's signature play. When the ball's headed to their side, they both swing at the same time, but the front guy misses, so when it gets to the back guy he's still recovering from that first swing and he just kind of flails around wildly. He generally either hits the ball into the stands or misses completely.

Filed Under   conversations   wii

Article Terran Blues

July 27, 2010
  1. Marine

    Alright, here we go!

  2. Command Center

    Good luck, marine.

  3. Marine

    Yeah! These other marines don't know what they're up against.

  4. Command Center

    Ooh…about that…

  5. Marine

    What? Do they have Firebats? Vultures? We have some too, so-

  6. Command Center

    We're fighting alien monsters.

  7. Marine

    What?

  8. Command Center

    An evil swarming hive-mind of monsters. They hatch from eggs. A lot of them shoot spikes or acid, or something. I figured someone would have told you.

  9. Marine

    Wow, uh, nope. They never mentioned the horrible, horrible monsters. In fact, they barely mentioned me being a marine. I'm an astronaut. That's why I'm in freaking space.

  10. Command Center

    Yeah, you should have thought about that before you accepted those 50 minerals, science boy.

  11. Marine

    Okay, so space monsters. Wow. I guess we, we can out smart them, right?

  12. Command Center

    Well in theory. They tend to just rush and kill things. And there's also a race of alien robot geniuses. We have to fight them too.

  13. Marine

    Can't we work with them?

Filed Under   starcraft   conversations

Article Origin Story: Paperboy

July 26, 2010
  1. Atari headquarters, 1983. A group of bored game designers sit around a table.

  2. Carl

    All right, guys, I know it's been a slow day, but let's finish on a high note, okay? We just need to come up with something that kids will find fun. We were all kids once. What did you guys think was fun when you were kids? How about you, Jonathan?

  3. Jonathan

    Hmm… I had a paper route for a while. That was pretty good.

  4. Carl

    Okay, good. What sort of stuff did you do?

  5. Jonathan

    Let's see… I delivered papers. That was important.

  6. Dave

    Sure. What else?

  7. Jonathan

    Well, I delivered the papers while riding a bike.

  8. Russell

    Okay! Bike riding! Now we're getting somewhere!

  9. Jonathan

    I don't know. The whole biking around thing wasn't really that fun. I remember having to spend a lot mental energy just avoiding obstacles. Lots of fire hydrants and lawnmowers and bees. Also a lot of breakdancers for some reason.

  10. Dave

    Hmm. Maybe we should focus on the act of delivering the papers. You had to throw the papers at the houses, right?

  11. Jonathan

    Oh, yeah.

  12. Dave

    And throwing stuff's pretty fun, right?

Filed Under   conversations   nes   paperboy

Article Ash's Ark

July 21, 2010
  1. God

    Hey you, kid!

  2. Ash

    Oh man. What are you, some kind of beard-type Pokemon?

  3. God

    No. I'm God. And I need you to build an Ark, and put within it two of every Pokemon.

  4. Ash

    What? Why?

  5. God

    Because I must flood the Earth for some reason. Maybe to kill all sinners? Yeah. That's it.

  6. Ash

    But…you're God. Why don't you just specifically kill all of the bad people and not drown everyone? Wouldn't that make more sense?

  7. God

    No. That would take forever to figure out. This is way simpler.

  8. Ash

    Do you have any idea how hard it is to capture ONE of every Pokemon, let alone two? I mean, I don't think there even are two Mewtwo's.

  9. God

    C'mon, kid. How hard could it be?

  10. 151 pairs of Pokemon later…

  11. Ash

    Okay – it took forever, and I technically had to cut Articuno in half, but I think I caught 'em all.

  12. God

    Oh. Just 151 pairs?

  13. Ash

    Yes…that's all there are.

  14. God

    So….I'm guessing you didn't get my memo…

Filed Under   conversations   ash

Article Smash Bros. Counseling

July 19, 2010
  1. Fox

    I'd like to thank you all for coming to this group counseling today.

  2. Ness

    PK fire!

  3. Fox

    That's not constructive Ness. Ok so the first order of business is—

  4. Ness

    PK fire!

  5. Fox

    Shut up Ness!

  6. Metal Mario enters.

  7. Metal Mario

    Ah you started without me!

  8. Fox

    We waited an extra twenty minutes.

  9. Metal Mario

    You know it takes be a long time to get places.

  10. Samus

    Hey man, you're not even a playable character.

  11. Metal Mario

    If you beat the game in single player mode in less than twenty minutes on really hard without losing a life. . .

  12. Yoshi

    For the last time, that's not true.

  13. Captain Falcon

    There's a single player mode to this game?

Filed Under   smash bros   conversations

Article Ganon's Henchmen Speak Up

July 14, 2010
  1. Ganon

    OK. No further new business so I'll open this meeting to public forum.

  2. Helmasaur

    I have a question. So, as you know, I was born with this green crystal in the middle of my head. It's the only part of my body that's not impervious to damage. It's why I wear this helmet.

  3. Ganon

    Of course. I built that helmet. It's a masterpiece of craftsmanship. It can only be cracked by the most magical of hammers.

  4. Helmasaur

    That's what I wanted to talk about. You keep a magic hammer in the Palace of Darkness, which is the palace I'm assigned to. I feel like maybe you could keep it in the Swamp of evil, or even throw it in the Lake of Ill Omen…

  5. Ganon

    Relax. Helmasaur, you have nothing to worry about. That hammer is locked in a special treasure chest that can only be opened by one key.

  6. Helmasaur

    Right, but that key is in my dungeon, too. It's in a treasure chest that can be opened by any key. And once you have that, all you have to do is find your way through a dark room to get the hammer.

  7. Ganon

    It hasn't been a problem yet.

  8. Helmasaur

    No one has attacked us yet. I'm just saying, maybe I should guard the hammer, or the key, or both.

  9. Ganon

    You're guarding one of the seven maidens. You have enough to worry about.

  10. Helmasaur

    OK, but why have that other stuff in there at all? And why do I need to stay in the most remote room in the dungeon? It would make more sense if I waited by the entrance and killed anyone who entered.

Filed Under   zelda   conversations   link   ganon

Article Crisis in Donkey Kong Country

July 12, 2010
  1. Donkey Kong breaks open a barrel containing Diddy Kong. Diddy falls out, dazed.

  2. Donkey

    Diddy! Are you all right?

  3. Diddy

    (rubbing his head) Jeez… what happened?

  4. Donkey

    King K. Rool has stolen all of our bananas! The entire hoard's gone!

  5. Diddy

    No! God, no…

  6. Donkey

    I know. So we've got to get them back. Luckily he left a trail of perpetually spinning bananas that lead to his hideout.

  7. Diddy

    All right, let's — hey, wait. Perpetually spinning bananas?

  8. Donkey

    Yeah. Look.

  9. They both look at a nearby line of three bananas, each one spinning in the air.

  10. Donkey

    Oh, also, all the spinning bananas hover.

  11. Diddy

    Jesus… And there's a trail of these? All the way to his hideout? The one in that boat that's miles away?

  12. Donkey

    Yeah. A trail of thousands of hovering, spinning bananas. So?

Filed Under   conversations   donkey kong

Article RPG Hero Enters Town

July 7, 2010
  1. Hero

    Whew! That was a close one…so much blood

  2. Townsfolk

    Welcome to Yorkcast!

  3. Hero

    Yeah…This is a pretty nice town you got here.

  4. Townsfolk

    Yup! We have weapon shops, potion shops, and a place for you to heal. That's it, though.

  5. Hero

    And that sustains your economy?

  6. Townsfolk

    I guess.

  7. Hero

    Really nice place. You guys don't have a monster problem?

  8. Townsfolk

    Nope. No monsters here.

  9. Hero

    Because, outside, it's like, every five steps is some kind of giant, terrible monster. They're everywhere. I'm surprised you even exist.

  10. Townsfolk

    Well, we have a fence.

  11. Hero

    Of course. I was wasting all my time with swords and fire-spells. I should have gone with plywood.

  12. Townsfolk

    I guess. We also called it a "safety-zone". That seemed to work pretty well.

Filed Under   RPG   conversations

Article What Other Pokemon Trainers Think Of Ash

June 30, 2010
  1. Trainer 1

    Hey, whatsup?

  2. Trainer 2

    Not much. Just chilling.

  3. Trainer 1

    Cool, cool. Yeah, that makes sense. It's a beautiful day to stand in one spot staring forward and approach anyone who passes by.

  4. Trainer 2

    Exactly. But want to know something weird?

  5. Trainer 1

    Yeah. That's literally point of asking "what is up".

  6. Trainer 2

    Some other guy challenged me to have my pet fight his pet.

  7. Trainer 1

    What!?

  8. Trainer 2

    Yeah, it was weird. He yelled at a mouse to shoot lightning.

  9. Trainer 1

    That's messed up-

  10. Trainer 2

    And it did! And he made me pay him!

  11. Trainer 1

    What did you do?

  12. Trainer 2

    I made a pithy punning comment about him defeating me.

  13. Trainer 1

    Makes sense.

  14. Trainer 2

    And get this; he had badges.

  15. Trainer 1

    Like a boy-scout?

  16. Trainer 2

    Exactly. And he said he had to "catch them all"

Filed Under   conversations

Article Immoral Kombat

June 28, 2010
  1. Shao Khan

    FINISH HIM!

  2. Sub-Zero turns Johnny Cage into a baby.

  3. Shao Khan

    BABALITY!

  4. Sub-Zero

    All right! Good match, Johnny. Had me on the ropes there for a sec.

  5. Johnny

    (crying) Guh…guhh…..WAAAAAHHHHHHHH…

  6. Sub-Zero

    Oh jeez, I think we have a Poopality over here!

  7. Shao Khan

    Okay, let's see what the next match is…uh, Johnny Cage vs. Scorpion.

  8. Scorpion

    Um. I don't mean to be a spoil-sport, but I don't think I'm comfortable with that…

  9. Shao Khan

    C'mon, Scorpion, you can't cancel right before the match.

  10. Scorpion

    This isn't fair, Mr. Khan. I didn't know I was going to be a fighting a baby.

  11. Shao Khan

    Frankly, I think it's way less fair for the baby than you. Why are you complaining?

  12. Scorpion

    I'm complaining because I don't feel like uppercutting a baby and tearing him limb from limb. Plus, this is a new outfit and I'd hate to get baby poo on it. Nothing gets baby poo out.

Filed Under   mortal kombat   conversations