Article The Mushroom King

June 2, 2010
  1. Princess Peach runs into her father, The King's, arms.

  2. King

    Oh Peach, how I worried I would never see you again! My darling daughter is returned!

  3. Princess

    Father, I am home safe, rescued from the evil dragon Bowser by a brave hero. I wish to marry him, father.

  4. King

    Tell me of this man you wish to marry, daughter. Surely, he is a brave Knight of the Mushroom?

  5. Princess

    No father, he is not a Knight of the Mushroom…

  6. King

    Ah, so he is a warrior from the Order of the Fire Flower! Splendid! They served me well in…

  7. Princess

    No, father, he is not in the Order of the Fire Flower, either. He is not a warrior. He is a plumber, father.

  8. King

    A plumber, you say…well, in this land of pipes and drains, plumbers are needed and respected!

  9. Princess

    He is not from the Mushroom Kingdom, father. He is from a place called Brooklyn.

  10. King

    Brooklyn…Brooklyn…I cannot say I have heard of it. But surely plumbers in the Kingdom of Brooklyn are important, no?

  11. Princess

    I suppose. Important like garbagemen, say. Oh, and Brooklyn is not a kingdom. It's a working-class section of a larger city called New York.

  12. King

    OK…OK, well, tell me, daughter, how this plumber you wish to marry was able to deceive the evil Bowser and save you? He must have used all manner of trickery and out-smarted the beast! My daughter, betrothed to a genius!

  13. Princess

    He ran under Bowser and pulled an Axe lever.

  14. King


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Article Mario Gets Pulled Over

May 11, 2010
  1. Mario

    Is there a problem, officer?

  2. Cop

    Quite a few, actually. First off, you're speeding.

  3. Mario

    I'm trying to win a race.

  4. Cop

    Illegal street racing on the wrong side of the highway?

  5. Mario

    Well when you put it like that…

  6. Cop

    And littering. That banana peel you threw back there caused an accident.

  7. Mario

    Yeah, about the banana. Wario was all up in my sh*t so I had to send him packing.

  8. Cop

    I'll also have to write you up for endangering a child.

  9. Mario

    Oh, because I've got Baby Luigi with me? He's fine. Not a bad racer himself.

  10. Cop

    You…you let the baby drive for you?

  11. Mario

    It's not a big deal. If he careens off a cliff, that flying turtle guy will pull us out with his fishing pole.

  12. Cop

    …Did you take any drugs before you started driving today, sir?

  13. Mario

    No, but I picked up some mushrooms while I was driving today.

  14. Cop

    Sir, step out of the car.

  15. Mario

    Listen, officer. Maybe we can work something out. How about a hundred gold coins?

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