Article Issue #14

July 26, 2011

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I was playing Amnesia: The Dark Descent, for a second playthrough as I heard that there were multiple endings. Right at the start, as you walk down the initial castle hallways, your character's view starts to become blurred and the camera goes all over the place in a slow, scary fashion. When it began to pan downwards and blur hardcore, my computer chair's suspension broke and my seat softly floated down in sync with it. It scared me so much that I immediately went straight to bed. It was 6pm. I still don't know if there is multiple endings.-Anonymous

When I was young, both of my parents were avid fans of SMB3 and LoZ. One time, I just happened to see Zelda II's 'game over' screen that displays Ganon's shadow and plays a noise I still can't identify. For years afterward, I was so traumatized by the image that I was too scared to go near a window at night.-Mitch

I was in the infamous "Barrel of Doom" in Sonic 3's Carnival Night Zone Act 2. There I was, bouncing away for forty five minutes straight without making any progress at all, and my 10-year-old patience was just about at its limits. When Tails screwed up my bounce timing for the umpteenth time, I screamed like a man (boy?) possessed and threw the controller into the TV, where it was lodged and wouldn't budge even when my dad got involved with his toolbox. I was banned from the Sega or any other game machine until I bought a Playstation with my own money years later.-Anonymous

Article Issue #13

July 19, 2011

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When I was 12, I was really into Pokemon cards. I was at the store with my grandmother buying some booster packs when I decided to open a few of them to see what I got. After sifting through the "padding" cards that I already had a dozen copies of, I stumbled across a holographic Raichu. While I was examining it, another boy who was browsing the cards approached me and pulled a massive wad of cash out of his pocket. He then asked me; "how much do you want?" I told him my cards weren't for sale. He then offered me $200 for the Raichu card. I was just about to sell it to him when my grandmotherappeared and broke up the transaction. It's been ten years now and I still haven't found anyone willing to pay more than $20 for the card.-Andrew H.

So, I was in my chem lab last semester, and it was really quiet, so you could basically hear what other people were doing/saying etc. And right when it hits one of those awkward 10-15 second simultaneous silences, this guy starts whistling the "Epona Song" from Ocarina of Time. I thought it was awesome so trying to be cool and connect, I yelled "I'll never let you leave this ranch!" and smiled waiting for all the high fives for my awesomeness. They never came. Not even from the guy who was whistling.-M.A.S.

Let me start by saying I am a month away from turning 25. I am 6 foot, 200 lbs, in pretty solid shape from working construction as a side job, have a bushy beard and a decent collection of scars and tattoos. I only drink bourbon, Irish whiskey and dark beer when I go out, routinely wear a viking helmet, and rebuilt an engine the day after getting out of the hospital when my appendix burst. With that said, last night I woke up after having a dream where Shepard died at the end of ME3. (Kamikazied the Normandy into the Reaper "General"). I am not ashamed to say this, but for the first time since fourth grade I cried like a little girl…a little girl in pig tails. -Stafferty the Ginger Barbarian

Article Issue #12

July 12, 2011

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About a month ago, my online buddy showed me Star Trek porn in order to mock it mercilessly. I pretended to think it was ridiculous, but I actually thought it was hot. Later in the week, I watched it again on my laptop in my room. I didn't want my roommates to find out, so I tried to be as discreet as possible. After I was done, I realized that my headphones were plugged into the microphone jack. I thought the sound as coming from my headset. My roommates heard everything. -Anonymous

I was at my first anime convention. The convention was in a hotel and the part of the hotel we were staying at had rooms with windows facing towards the walkways and pool. As my friends and I were walking back to our room from the dealer's room, I heard a slow, yet deliberate hissing noise. As we walked closer to the stairwell, it got louder and louder until we were right in front of a man in a creeper suit. I screamed bloody murder.-Princess Peachie

I got Super Mario Bros 2 for Xmas. My little sister watched as I got all the way up to 7-1, and then suspiciously ran out the room. Just as I finished the level, my parents came in with her in tow, telling me "you've played the game enough, it's her turn" and that I had to hand over the controller – on the last level of a game I haven't beaten yet. I was even more furious as she managed to kill off my stockpile of extra lives in about 10 mins. Then to ice the cake, before she handed the controller back to me for my turn, she selected Mario just to piss me off (I played the whole thing as Luigi). I'm 36 and it still mad at her about it.-mil

Article Issue #11

July 5, 2011

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When I was about 10, I wandered in on my brother playing Clock Tower for the Playstation. Despite the fact that I was terrified, I stayed and watch him play all the way up until the mansion, when he inevitably got bored and decided to do something else. Later that night, I was getting ready to go to bed, having finally forgotten about the game and the Scissorman, who would scare the crap out of me every time he was on screen. As soon as I switched on the light, my brother jumped up from under the covers brandishing a pair of scissors. I ran from the room screaming and crying. Everybody thought it was hysterical, my parents included. —Sam

When I first played through Kingdom Hearts, I had the tendency to go back to all the worlds and get all the trinities. This was because you need Goofy and Donald with you to do them, and I usually got rid of one of them so I could have the characters from the different planets on my team. When I played the Nightmare Before Christmas level, I played with Goofy and Jack on my team. There was a red trinity at the bottom of Oogie Boogie's castle that I planned on going back to do. After I defeated Oogie, he turns into his castle and you have to destroy it. I didn't know this before hand. The trinity is gone forever with Oogie's castle. This was the only thing preventing me from getting 100% completion.-Anonymous

When I was younger, my my older brothers got into fights all the time and were extreme video game nerds. My brother Timmy enjoyed playing Sim City above all other games and had finally created the perfectly functioning city. Then he decided to piss off one of my other brothers: Phillip. Phillip logged on to my brother's Sim City and created multiple natural disasters completely destroying the city. And then he saved it. Timmy still talks about Phillip doing this and how angry he still is about.-Anonymous

Article Issue #10

June 28, 2011

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I was playing Minecraft one day and I encountered a creeper in one of my unfinished constructions; I managed to climb to a higher level moments after it made the fuse lighting sound and I promptly forgot about it. When the sun was going down and I headed downstairs, the creeper was just waiting around the corner and exploded without making any other sound. I was wearing headphones at near full volume and was so startled I had an adrenaline rush. My kidneys, head and stomach hurt for the rest of the day and I had to lie down for an hour after the encounter.-Anonymous

A horror story of true nerd rage. I was 13 and me and all of my friends were eating lunch, talking about playing Final Fantasy 7 for the first time. It had been around for about a month or two and one friend of mine had done a marathon session playing it all the way through in one weekend while I preferred to sip it like a fine wine. As we all sat around talking about our favorite characters, I was going on about how much I liked Aeris, to which my friend replies, "Oh did you get to the point where she dies yet?". I freaked out and furiously stomped on his foot while in boots, breaking four of his toes. -Wolfan

I used to play the hell out of Morrowind for the Xbox since my wife took over playing Final Fantasy Online which was meant for me. Anyway, one day while walking to a corner store in Houston I heard a shrill screech from out of nowhere that sounded like a Cliff Racer. I hurriedly looked above me while my right hand went to my left as if I was carrying a sword, but of course nothing was there. To make this story even more peculiar I always played a female Breton Mage that relied more on magic than a weapon and I'm a dude.-Anonymous

Article Issue #9

June 21, 2011

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I was 11, my dad was painting mine and my brother's room so I had to put all my things in the middle, then went to stay with my grandma. By this point I'd spent probably close to $500 total on Pokemon cards. Anyway, I put my cards in a bin, and because I didn't want to get paint on them, covered it with a towel. My father, also had a towel to wipe paint if it was dripping, and threw it on top of my garbage. Apparently, he at some point confused the two and threw the wrong bin out. By the time I got back, it was past garbage pickup, and my huge collection of cards was gone forever. I had over 50 hollo cards, and every card was in plastic for protection. I still feel sad whenever I think about them.-Anonymous

For years, I refused to be downstairs alone due to the life-sized borg queen bust with glass eyes in the corner. Those stupid glass eyes followed me everywhere I went, I swear to god. That bust is in the loft now. I don't go in the loft anymore.-Ken

I was 12 years old when I first played Silent Hill. As many gamers would know, when an enemy is near, your radio goes static. So one night I'm playing alone in my living room and I accidentally sit on the remote for our stereo. The thing comes on with very loud static. I slept with the lights on for 5 months.-Sno

Article Issue #8

June 14, 2011

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Back when I was in High School in 2001, I played Diablo II on battle.net all the time. I didn't have my own computer, and we still had dial-up at the time. Since my dad was adverse to extended online play, I had to install it in a random folder, play in the middle of the night, and hide any evidence of it's use. One night, I was playing until 5 AM, just before my dad woke up to get ready for work. I don't remember doing it, but I fell asleep on the couch next to the computer. I awoke to furious yelling about me using the computer, sneaking around, and being on the Internet all night. He then proceeded to shatter the game CD in front of me. It wasn't until later that I discovered at a friend's house that he also deleted all the characters from the account as well. I had several level 80+ guys too. It was devastating. -Rob

I was a huge Bill Nye the Science Guy fan. When his computer game came out, I bought it and played it. However, I did not count on there being a sentient computer in the game. MAAX, the computer in charge of stopping the meteoroid, scared the shit out of me. MAAX claimed that he would not destroy the meteoroid unless you solved some science riddles. I took this way too seriously. I was afraid that if I messed up, Earth would be destroyed. The anxiety of saving earth combined with my fear of this sentient computer prevented me from beating the game. I had nightmares for a month.-Anonymous

Article Issue #7

June 7, 2011

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I am the wimpiest gamer in existence. A few years back I was playing Wind Waker when I came across a room that freaked me out. After an hour, my mother came downstairs to see where all the pathetic whimpering was coming from. She found me in the bathroom, shaking from fear and bracing myself to vomit. That's right. I almost puked from getting huge adrenaline rushes. Darknuts are scary. -Stacie

When I was in 4th or 5th grade, my brother and I played the "Are You Afraid of the Dark?: Tale of Orpheo's Curse" on my grandfather's computer. I was convinced that Orpheo escaped from the game and was haunting the downstairs of my grandfather's house. I wouldn't go downstairs by myself until about the 8th grade.-Whitney

To this day I am scared of the dark because I'm afraid a Grue will get me.-Daniella

Article Issue #6

May 31, 2011

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I loved playing Bioshock, but it scared the hell out of me. When some of my friends discovered this, they started having Bioshock parties in which they would sit around and watch me play for comedy value as I involuntarily whimpered my way through the game. I allowed this to happen because I was often too scared to play it alone.-Anonymous

After beating Kingdom Hearts and collecting all the post-game things, I remember attempting the new Coliseum matches. I immediately gave up on Sephiroth, but I was constantly attempting to beat the Ice Titan. On one lucky fight, I managed to get his health down to a point where one more attack ought to have done it. I don't remember what I messed up, but suffice to say I died. I proceeded to cry and scream and I think I tried to throw my chair. My mom ended up taking the game away for several weeks. I never went back to that damn Coliseum.-Conor

A couple years ago, my family was preparing to go on a road trip. Not wanting me to be bored and annoying, they got me Final Fantasy Advance Tactics on my GBA. I hunkered down in the back seat and found myself hooked immediately, I played the whole 6 hour ride; then played well into the night at the hotel room, in fact I played so long that I fell asleep while playing. I woke up and my Gameboy had inevitably run out of battery and turned off. I hadn't saved the game since I hadn't planned on stopping. I broke down and cried in front of my whole family.-Anonymous

Article Issue #5

May 24, 2011

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A year or two before Batman: Arkham Asylum came out, my TV and Xbox 360 hard drive broke simultaneously in one awful sound and static flash of light. I lost all my data, and was really angry, but that's a different story. When Arkham Asylum came out I played it nonstop. When I got to the part where your screen goes all static I thought it happened again, and screamed and cried. A minute later, I realized the static was part of the game. I was in an Xbox Live party with my friends. They heard everything.-Silas

I lent my PSX to my cousin. When I went to his house to retrieve it, he told me that he had sold it. I miss Crash Bandicoot.-Murilo