What people don't tell you is that on your quest to become a Pokémon master, you also need to become a master of bullshit small talk with a smörgåsboard of insane strangers.

You can't just go around fighting people, nooooo. First you gotta hear them talk about their sick Vulpix or whatever. Then and only then will they pay you $17 for beating their two Voltorbs.


1. The Loving Trainer With A Sweet Anecdote About Their Pokémon That'll Make You Feel Bad For Killing it to Death

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Hey there Young Man, I'm Old Man with absolutely nothing in my life save for this Meowth here. Love her more than anything in the world. Take a seat and let me regale you of how I rescued it from a Pokékill shelter and instantly connected with it because she too was abandoned by her parents growing up. We share an eternal, unshakeable bond. Ol' Meowth here may not be the strongest Pokémon in the world, but gumdam the love she and I shar- ah you've killed it. I see. I suppose you may now continue exploring the S.S. Anne.


2. Trainer in a Gym Who Only Talks About How Great the Gym Leader Is

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Yooo you're in for it now you puny little punk! Lt. Surge is a MASTER of electric type Pokémon! If I lived for 50,000 years I'd still be galaxies away from accomplishing half of what Lt. Surge has done in his lifetime! I often hope I get hit by a bus, so that I may be reincarnated into some sort of Lt. Surge Jr! I myself have but a Magnemite - a pittance compared to the bounty of strength The Good Lieutenant possesses! I wish I wasn't who I am!


3. Agro 8 Year Old Flexing His Gf On You

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Sup fucker. See this honey on my arm right here? Yeahhhh you do. Yeah we're both 10 years old and things are hot and fuckin heavy. You like that don't you bitch. We kick it outside of Bill's House here every goddamn day and sometimes we hug. Maybe tomorrow I'm with a different girl, someone from Mt. Moon. Who's to say. The ladies love me and I love em back. Now buckle up, cuz I got two Bellsprouts.


4. Guy Trying to Make Way Too Many Puns About the Type of Pokémon He Has

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Don't freeze up, kid! Hope you're not afraid of a little draft, because things are about to get chilly! Ice is nice! Please stop me at any point! Otherwise I will go on like this for the rest of time! I have Ice Pokémon, that is the takeaway here!


5. Maniac With 30 Of One Pokémon Who Won't Shut Up About Them

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Hey, hey fellow normal Pokémon trainer! Just a regular normal trainer of Pokémon such as yourself out here with 45 Glooms for some reason! Keep em all for some weird as fuck reason, like they're good aromatherapy or something. This behavior should probably be addressed by a mental health professional, because it is clear that I have obsessive tendencies and trauma related to control issues that lead me to intense hoarding.


6. Guy In Mountain Who Gives You Mountain Facts 

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Greetings fellow cave enthusiast! A delight to see another individual of poise and stature exploring these here stalactites and mites. I hope I'm not out of bounds in offering you way too much specific information and lore on this cave before we battle? I'll take your silence as a resounding "Go on!" This mountain was formed when two Onixes banged so hard that the tectonic plates below them fissured. It is my solemn duty to stand in this cave and inform every passerby of this, like I'm some kind of plaque at a museum. 

If you wanna see these maniacs in action, with also different jokes than the ones you just read, check em out here: