Here's an analogy, the nation of Japan is a lot like your High School enemy's facebook feed. Sure, they put out a lot of content that makes it look like they have everything figured out, but the sooner you realize that it's all a thin veneer holding back a tornado of horror and human suffering, the better you're gonna feel about your own lot in life. That may sound harsh, but hear me out. There's nothing wrong with liking anime, manga, and other Japanese cultural products but sometimes that appreciation can turn into obsession, and cultural obsessions are already pretty cringey even when you put in the hours to do it "right". It's that awkward cringe factor that gives us what the internet has deemed the "weeaboo", a loud and proud fan of Japan whose expertise on that culture seemingly stops at Toonami and Conventions. 



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Over on reddit, a community has emerged where people share their experiences with the most facepalm-worthy individuals in the fandom. Some come to gloat about how they're not one of "THOSE" kinds of people, while others look on with somber recognition at their own clueless years of awkward Japanophilia. No matter where you stand on the subject (many actually take umbridge with weeaboo/weeb label), a visit to r/weeabootales will have you reconsidering your own relationship with anime.

Here's 5 stories that made us say... "baka".

1. 

English language cringe stories otaku weeaboo ddit

Story by Bozly

So tonight I went out to the bar with a few friends. One we are going to name Eric. Now Eric is a devout christian man. He has a very skewed world view thinking no woman wants sex and that every person is the very best version of their stereotype. But Eric is also a weeb. He was a huge Japan nerd. He watches all the anime and called it art, He has samurai ninja swords, he speaks some.japanese, he even does some martial arts poorly. So He's 24 and has yet to even kiss a girl. Hes not a bad lookin dude. Just refer to up there if you're curious as to wby So we're at the bar and he picks this girl. Gorgeous asian woman. we're talking an ohio 9 a california 8 and an irish 13. Gorgeous girl. So he strides on up all confident and shit. She actually turns to face him. She pushes a bit of hair behind her ear. she says "Hey there". So in this moment Eric is bound to pull the girl of his dreams and even our dreams. if only he had stopped there. This motherfucker starts speaking Japanese and wont quit. No matter how many "what the fuck?" or "I speak english" she gave he trugged on. He even did the weird anime "ohhhh" noise and scratched the back of his head with a stupid smile on his face. Continuing to speak japanese. This poor girl gives up and just snaps "Look dude im Vietnamese whats your problem? I speak english!" so he appologizes in japanese and she turns around and ignores him You could hear his heart ripping from across the bar. Hearing it sink. So like good friends we were we all died od laughter. I fell out of my chair. I was in tears. He then told us the rest of the night that she was the one for him and told us about their future wedding. Poor guy.

 

2. 

weeaboo tales cringe reddit otaku horror stoies

Story by Anonymous, (relayed in a post by ArchiveSQ)

I'm Japanese American and just moved to a new school last Spring. I was lonely, so I decided to join the Anime club. It was alright, until a group of girls in the club came up to me and asked of my ethnicity. I told them I was Japanese, and they literally squealed and asked me to speak Japanese. I was like, Wtf? They then went on to ask me to teach them, and although I can speak it a little it is not my native language.

About a month later, a couple of these girls came over my house when we had to do some project together. After noticing they looked rather odd, I asked them what was the problem. They went on and began saying that how can I be Japanese if my house doesn't even have a Sakura tree in the backyard? And my walls aren't painted in Anime posters, I don't own a mountain of plushies, nor do I own Japanese-related things. I was about to flip out when my mom came into the room and asked if they'd like some snacks. They asked if she had POCKY. My mom looked confused and just shook her head, these girls literally glared at her before leaving my home.

The next day at school, they told everyone in the club that I 'fail' at being Japanese.





3.

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Story by EyelessHunter

Going straight to the story, I just happened to be spending my leisure time at the mall I frequent to. I'm only accompanied by myself, and was just strolling from place to place.

One fun fact about me is that I love window shopping. It's not that I don't have money to buy things, it's more like 'why would I buy them if I don't need them' kind of thing... plus it's fun.

Anyways, I'm at this video game store and just going through the games at their shelves. Mind you, the video game stores in my country aren't as huge as GameStop like you westerners; it's just as big and as spacey as your regular convenience store.

I was aware of my surroundings at that time: it was just me, the cashier at the desk, and two store clerks.

Probably 10-15 mins in, another customer walked in. One of the store clerks greeted him

>Good afternoon, sir! Would you be looking for a console or a PC game?

The gentleman, who's wearing the standard weeab equipment (a shirt sporting an anime character I don't recognize, cargo shorts, and a backpack riddled with pins on the strap), responds and says that he's looking for a PS4 game.

The clerk then responds

>Ah, PS4 games are over at this shelf.

The gentleman, an amalgamation of pure sassiness, responds

>Yes, I know where it is.

Now, I kinda get where he's getting all that sass from. I myself don't want to be babied and followed by a store clerk in any shop I visit. That goes especially in a video game store. But let's continue on with the story...

So this gentleman, now facing the PS4 shelves, is skimming through the titles with his finger. Going side to side in each row, it was obvious he was looking for something.

It's not here.

He muttered silently.

I'm was viewing the contents of the PC section, which is probably just 3 feet from his left.

>It's not here.

He muttered again.

The clerk, who was trying to keep his distance, then tried to offer some help.

>Which title are we looking for, sir?

This gentleman responds

>No, you might not know it.

From where I was standing, I slowly turn my head from the shelf to look at this fine young man.

Did I hear that right? Did he just say to this store clerk, a person hired and payed to make business with people with regards to video games, that he 'might' not know what game he's looking for?

The store clerk answers with a genuine smile, completely devoid of sarcasm

>Well, I think I can look for it if you can give me the title. I do try and keep track of all the games we sell here.

I'm a regular at this store so you might call me biased, but this same store clerk has been with this store since the PS3 era. This same guy was also the one who introduced me to Dark Souls, an RPG I was very doubtful to get at the time of its release.

So yeah, the gentleman responds with more sass this time

>Okay, sure. How's your Japanese then?

>Uhh, why?

You can't blame the clerk for being confused. Even I'm confused at that time.

>It's a Japanese game, so unless you have a Japanese keyboard, you might not be able to search for it in your log.

I felt some sort of primal instinct swell up inside me after hearing that.

The store clerk, still being the nice guy that he is, tried to ask for the game's title again. The gentleman says

>So, do you have a Japanese keyboard you can type it in for you to search?

>Uhhm, no sir. I was just thinking that the title might ring a bell and -

>Ah! So you know Nihongo then?

>No, not at all. But I have seen Japanese titles here that we're selling, so I could try and look for it if you just give me the-

>So you don't know Nihongo? How would you look for it, then? It's written in hiragana, so how would you read it?

Hooray! I'm fucking triggered :)

The store clerk, brushed things off, and just calmly asked him

>Sir, if you can just give me the title, then I'll find a way to look for it.

After hearing that, I shit you not, he had his index finger to his chin and looks to be thinking, complete with an audible 'hmmmm' sound.

After a few seconds or so, he then says the game's title (Utawarerumono Itsuwari No Kamen)

I speak Nihongo, and you don't even have to know a word of the Japanese language to realize that sir gentle-weeab here is a fucking poser.

After the store clerk hears it, he then repeats the title's name to confirm. Even to my surprise, he says it way better than the gentleman. It wasn't perfect, but definitely better by a landslide.

The store clerk then excuses himself to the gentleman, and goes to the cashier's desk. He then asks her to get a copy of the game from the cabinet behind her. The cashier hands him a rectangular box from inside the cabinet, then returns to the gentleman.

>Here it is, sir. I told you I can find it :)

>Oh, yeah. This is it. Thanks.

This is the huge punch line everybody. The store clerk says to him

You're welcome! Is there anything else you're looking for?

>Uhh no, but do you happen to have the ENGLISH version of the game?

I didn't bother staying, and I just waltzed straight outside. I bought dinner, went home and ate it, then drafted this fucking shit story.



 

4.

weeaboo named their son naruto

Story by secretfiveotaku

I was staffing in registration and for little kids they have to be registered with an adult. I get everyone's name to put in the system and type on the badges. This lady, an older sister over 18 and a 5 year old ADORABLE kid in Pokemon cosplay comes up. I get her name, then ask for the child's.

"Naruto."

"His legal name, Ma'am."

"It's Naruto. Naruto [last name here]"

"..."

Welp, I put it on the badge and typed it as his legal name. WHY WOULD YOU NAME YOUR KID...WHY!? WHY!? Weeb parents. This is a legend up there with the possible babies named Optimus Prime and Pinkie Pie, but I actually witnessed it.

His name is Naruto.

 


5. 

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Story by ObscuraNox

Greetings everyone, first time poster here.

This story is about one of my old classmates, and happened a couple years ago. Lets call him Mr Samurai - highly ironically of course.

Mr Samurai was actually a pretty nice dude. We shared a fair amount of interests, and back then I was a lot more into anime than today. We both played Magic the Gathering, played Videogames...But as time went on I moved more and more towards the "classic" nerd route. Tabletop Game, Card Games you get the idea.

And while we no longer shared most of our hobbies, we remained buddies. Honestly, he wasnt even that bad. If it werent for one thing. Katanas. He was obsessed with Katanas. And I dont just mean "Owning 1-2 cheap Katanas from Walmart" obsessed.

I mean legit "True 100000x folded Nippon Steel that can cut through anything" kinda obsessed.

As mentioned before, I was kind of a nerd as well - And I too liked swords. However, I favored european medieval swords. Longswords, Broadswords, Zweihänder you name it. It didnt take long until we got into a fight about which is the better sword.

Now that I think about it, its kinda embarrassing for both sides. However, at the time I was so tired of explaining to him that the only reason the Katanas have been folded so many times, is because the quality of the steel is complete garbage. He then went on and on about how Katanas can cut through everything, and it got on my nerves really quick.

So I told him we should just test the blades. His Katana versus my Zweihänder. He showed up at my place, we went outside with both swords and he tried to use what I can only describe as a sad excuse for a fighting stance. Naturally I asked him what the hell he was doing.

"I...I thought we were going to fight?"

To which I responded with:

"What? Are you fucking stupid? Of course not."

Instead I asked him if he was still certain that his blade can cut everything. He was. So I took my Zweihander and placed it between two wooden logs to hold it in place. And I told him to strike it as hard as he can. Afterall...The trve nippon steel should have him covered, right?

At this point I have to mention that this Zweihänder was not a cheap replica. Although pretty dull, it was used for "combat" on medieval renaissance festivals.

Well, take a guess what happened next. He tried to hit the Zweihänder as hard as he could, and...shattered his Katana clean in half without even denting the other sword. He sank on his knees and stared at the remaining edge of his sword. It really looked like something straight out of an melodramatic anime, with him whispering

"No...How can this be...?"

He looked like his world just shattered. He took the pieces of his blade and went home - After that he never talked about Katanas again.