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Subj: WESTWORLD GIFT SHOP BREAKING IMMERSION??

Robert -

Just a thought, but the location of the Westworld Gift Shop & Arnold Weber Memorial Penny Stretcher immediately outside the train station might be a bit immersion-breaking for some of the guests. I know we make a good deal of money off of plush Dolores Abernathys and Teddy bobbleheads and the Build-a-Maeve station, but we've heard some murmurs that many of the guests are put off by the shop, let alone the effect the shop's having on the hosts' programming. Clementine Pennyfeather waltzed in unexpectedly and found the Clementine fleshlights - without going into too much detail, the tech guys had to run quite a few diagnostics to calm her down.

On that note, we should probably also talk about getting rid of the photo booth outside of the whorehouse, where guests can buy pictures of themselves having sex after they leave for only $24.99.

We can talk later - thanks!

-Bud

Quality Assurance Rep






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Subj: VAGINA-GEARS KEEP SHREDDING UP GUESTS' DICKS

I know the dream is to eventually begin making host bodies out of a more organic-seeming biological materials, but for now their insides are mostly metal and gear, and that's causing major issues - particularly in regards to the sexual encounters many guests are having with hosts. We do advertise Westworld as a place where "anything goes", with a heavy implication that you can have lots of guilt-free sex with robots - but way too many guests' dicks are being shredded apart by the gears and machinery that's like, right there when you stick your dick into nearly any orifice - vagina, butthole, mouth, doesn't matter, but we're getting lots of complaints of shredded genitals and massive bleeding.

Just thought it might be something to keep in mind for the next upgrade!

Thanks,

-Bud

Quality Assurance Rep






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Subj: HOSTS WON'T STOP MASTURBATING!!!!

Hi Robert --

So, in an effort to make hosts most lifelike and realistic, the tech team gave all hosts the ability to self-pleasure themselves...and now literally every single host is sitting around masturbating 24/7 nonstop. Yes, even the robot-horses. Actually, ESPECIALLY the robot-horses.

Just, maybe send out an update that limits them to once or twice per day? Many of the guests are unsettled and demanding a refund (and, more disturbingly, a few other guests are super into it).

Let's chat later.

-Bud

Quality Assurance Rep






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Subj: I THINK WE SHOULD LOWER HOST RACISM TENDENCIES BY AT LEAST 90%

Robert -

Listen, I know you guys have a heavy interest in realism and authenticity, but maybe we shouldn't aim to EXACTLY recreate the old west exactly. I mean, it was an ugly, dirty, dangerous place, and from a time when there were pretty terrifying levels of racism in this country, which has reeeally made it difficult to attract any non-white people to visit. Maybe just reduce the levels of racism you programmed into pretty much every robot in the park? Even the robot-horses are kinda racist.

Actually, ESPECIALLY the robot-horses.

-Bud

Quality Assurance Rep






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Subj: NEW NARRATIVE SEEMS TO JUST BE A RERUN OF SEINFELD??

Robert -

I know you take your narratives very seriously and that they are the foundation of this park's ability to enthrall the guests, so it is only after a lot of internal debate that I ask this question - is the new narrative involving the "Soup Bandit" just an old episode of Seinfeld? Like, I'm almost certain there are some line-for-line similarities between this narrative and the Soup Nazi episode - like when the Soup Bandit screams "No soup for you!" at Hector, or when the new cowgirl in town Elaine Benes finds all of the Soup Bandit's recipes in an armoire and confronts him about it?

Might just be my imagination though! Just wanted to mention it.

-Bud

Quality Assurance Rep






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Subj: SOMEONE ACCIDENTALLY IMPLANTED TEDDY'S MIND IN A ROBOT-HORSE BODY!!

Robert --

I get it - mistakes happen! And apparently while running some diagnostics on various hosts last night, someone in tech made an oopsie-daisy and implanted Teddy's mind in the body of one of the robot-horses. As a result, Horse-Teddy has been trying to woo Dolores and wearily visit the brothel and all of the normal Teddy activities, just in the body of a horse. None of the other hosts are taking notice, but the guests sure are. Horse-Teddy spent like 6 hours trying to pick up the can Dolores dropped using only its hooves. Plus, lots of confusion when some guests stumbled upon Horse-Teddy actually riding another horse - and it got a little worse when an old bug popped back up and Horse-Teddy started furiously masturbating while riding another horse (who was extremely racist, and also masturbating).

Please get back to me ASAP!

-Bud

Quality Assurance Rep






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Subj: THIS MIGHT JUST BE A BAD IDEA FOR A PARK ENTIRELY???

Hey Robert -

Okay, so hear me out: I think this is just a really, really bad idea for a theme park. We're leasing literally tens of thousands of acres of land, utilizing hundreds upon hundreds of robots (both human and horse) that require daily maintenance, and spending tens of millions on insurance liabilities to account for the guests every single month. I'm just wondering if this makes any sense as a business venture?

Your robot tech is crazy good, don't get me wrong - but do people really want to spend $40 grand a day to hang out in the old west? There's no indoor plumbing or electricity, it's hot all the time, and westerns haven't been popular in decades. Also, it's just CRAZY dangerous, even with the safety precautions we've taken. I just think we could save ourselves a lot of time and energy if we just sold these robots to the public, so they can murder or have sex with them on their own property and we wouldn't need to scrub out the semen and blood every single night or pay for this massive chunk of land or work in this shitty weird dark office with glass walls everywhere (EVEN THE BATHROOMS???).

Basically, this whole thing is an incredibly dumb idea! And that's without even CONSIDERING the whole thing with Shogunworld...but I won't go into THAT mess here!

But seriously, can we have actual walls?

-Bud

Quality Assurance Rep