1. Actual Safety Precautions on Their Common Room Area


Hogwarts is dangerous as hell - constantly infiltrated by agents of Magic Hitler, kids dying all the time, monsters on loose nonstop, and EVERY KID IS HOLDING A WEAPON CAPABLE OF MURDERING ANYONE. In other words, you'd probably be smart to get some security measures in place - but Hufflepuff is the only house that seems to have realized that.

Other houses are typically password protected or (in Ravenclaw's case) protected by having to solve a riddle to gain entrance - and both of these options are pretty dumb. Passwords can be guessed or overheard, and logic riddles can just be FIGURED OUT by someone smart enough who wants to murder a bunch of a Ravenclaws as they sleep. But additionally - there's no consequence for FAILING. If you guess the wrong password or mess up the riddle, you can just walk away, and the students will never realize someone nefarious was trying to get into their area.

Not Hufflepuff though - to gain entrance to the Hufflepuff common room, you must enter an area with a ton of barrels, find the correct barrel (only known to Hufflepuffs), and tap it to the rhythm of 'Helga Hufflepuff.' If you tap the wrong barrel, or do it in the wrong rhythm, you don't just get to walk away unscathed - another barrel will douse you with a gallon or so of vinegar...which will make it PRETTY OBVIOUS to everyone who exactly was trying to break into the Hufflepuff common room.

Of course, this is still not exactly 'Panic Room.' If I were in charge of house security, I'd have something more in line with automated gatling guns at the ready. THEY HIRE A NEW EVIL TEACHER PRACTICALLY EVERY SINGLE YEAR - you can never be too careful.

2. Best House Mascot


Hufflepuff's mascot is the badger - which, at first glance at least, seems like the weakest and most pathetic mascot by a longshot...which makes it perfect for Hufflepuff, the most chronically-dismissed and mocked house that is also secretly the best.

See, Ravenclaw has the eagle, Gryffindor has the lion, and Slytherin has the snake - all powerful predators, all animals humans know to fear (or at least keep some distance from)....and all find themselves susceptible to attacks from the cunning and wily badger (for the most part). Just think about the famous "Honey Badger Don't Care" video from a few years back - which shows the honey badger killing and eating a bunch of snakes AND keeping big birds of prey at bay:

But you might be thinking - what about lions? No way a honey badger could take on a lion, right? WRONG. Honey badgers can not only take on a lion - they can take on SEVERAL LIONS AT ONCE, BECAUSE HONEY BADGERS ARE BRAVE AND FEAR NOTHING:

Gryffindor is supposed to be the "bravery" house, but they're NOTHING compared to badgers.

3. ACTUALLY WON THE TRIWIZARD CUP (Harry Potter is a goddamn cheater whether he realized it or not)


The Triwizard Tournament was designed to suss out the best of the best - the most deserving, quickest thinking, most gifted young wizard amongst the three schools. And the winner was Cedric Diggory - as he won through his own hard work, perseverance, and cleverness, and not because he was a part of an incredibly convoluted scheme that involved a Death Eater helping him cheat without his knowledge LIKE SOME PARTICIPANTS I COULD NAME.

(yes I'm aware Harry helped Cedric out of a few tough spots, but had Harry never been entered to begin with, my guess is ol' C-Diggs still woulda come out on top)

4. They are the ONLY house without evil wizards


If you're not into the whole "being extremely evil" thing, there's really only one house where you'll feel at ease - Hufflepuff. Hufflepuff has literally NO EVIL WIZARDS associated with it - unlike every other house.

  • Gryffindor had Peter Pettigrew.
  • Ravenclaw had Gilderoy Lockhart and Professor Quirrell (and general assholes like Marietta Edgecombe, who snitched on the DA to Umbridge).
  • Slytherin had...well, it's Slytherin. Like, 90% of their members turned out to be Wizard Nazis.

But good ol' Hufflepuff? Absolutely none. Not a single villainous character from the Harry Potter books found themselves sorted into Hufflepuff (discounting the alternate timeline shennanigans of 'The Cursed Child,' which saw Cedric Diggory take a darker path).

5. You KNOW They Got Some Dank Herb


When your head of house is the Herbology professor, you KNOW you're gonna get some dank weed. Sprout's whole job is combining magic and plants - literally what the hell else would she be doing if not using her skills to make some next-level pot? And before you say "Well, teachers probably wouldn't wanna help kids get high", don't forget they are literally arming every 12 year old that rolls into that school with a weapon that is capable of INSTANT DEATH and INFINITE TORTURE as long as you're able to say a few words.

Really, with that kind of pressure ON TOP of how regularly kids are murdered by evil wizards, all the Hogwarts kids probably need a good amount of weed to keep from freaking out all the time. And Hufflepuff has the best shit.

6. Closest to the Kitchen


Okay, let's say you're going to Hogwarts and smoking weed all the time (which should be a given - hell, they let kids have all the "butterbeer" they want). You're gonna get the munchies all the time too - and while everyone keeps some snacks on them, why would you settle for that when you have one of the craziest kitchens ever? One that regularly serves up massive, impossible-to-imagine feasts? Seriously, JK Rowling spent more time than George RR Martin describing insanely delicious food that her characters were eating.

But Hogwarts is HUGE - and most of the houses have to take pretty decent hikes to get to the kitchen...except Hufflepuff. Hufflepuff's common room is located RIGHT NEXT to the kitchen - meaning they can just pop out, grab 20 roast beef platters, and roll back into their rooms to freak out over the existential nightmare of 'living portraits.'

....actually, now that I think about it, Hogwarts would probably be a terrible place to get high.

7. They Represent The Best Aspects of Humanity


Each of the four houses of Hogwarts has a number of personality traits traditionally associated with each - Gryffindors are brave and courageous, Ravenclaws are intelligent and wise, and Slytherins are ambitious and cunning. All of these are largely positive traits, but ultimately (mostly) self-serving. All of them CAN be used for the greater good, but most tend to focus on personal success and glory. Hufflepuff is special, though - their traits are about patience, loyalty, and fairness.

Perhaps it's best exemplified with this quote from author JK Rowling (in an interview with Scholastic), about Hufflepuff's role in the final battle at Hogwarts:

"There comes a point in the final book where each House has the choice whether or not to rise to a certain challenge, and that's everyone in the House. The Slytherins, for reasons that are understandable, decide they'd rather not play. The Ravenclaws, some decide they will, some decide they won't. The Hufflepuffs, virtually to a person, stay, as do the Gryffindors. Now, the Gryffindors comprise a lot of foolhardy and show-offy people, that's just the way it is, I'm a Gryffindor, I'm allowed to say it. You know, there's bravery, and there's also showboating, and sometimes the two go together. The Hufflepuffs stayed for a different reason; they weren't trying to show off, they weren't being reckless, that's the essence of Hufflepuff House. Now my oldest child (my daughter, Jessica) said something very profound to me, not very many days ago, actually, she said to me --and she, by the way, was not sorted into Hufflepuff House-- but, she said to me, 'I think we should all want to be Hufflepuffs.'"

Ultimately, Hufflepuffs are the most selfless house - they're the ones who do the right thing, who think of others before themselves, and who will be there for you when you need them most. This is why they produce no evil wizards - the kind of traits that lead to these darker paths simply don't exist within the walls of Hufflepuff.

Just look back to what the Sorting Hat had to say about the various house founders back in Order of the Phoenix:

Said Slytherin, "We'll teach just those
Whose ancestry's purest."
Said Ravenclaw, "We'll teach those whose
Intelligence is surest."

Said Gryffindor, "We'll teach all those
With brave deeds to their name."
Said Hufflepuff, "I'll teach the lot
And treat them just the same."

They're open, they're accepting, and they're not self-centered. If everyone were a Hufflepuff, society would be a helluva lot nicer.

Also, they're a bunch of chill stoners who are eating all the time. That helps.