Being a dungeon master isn't easy - you've got to deal with the campaign, don't get to have as much fun as the players, and you have to keep everything on track. That's where things can get complicated: nearly every DM has had to deal with at least a few "problem players" - players who want to work against the tide of the game, don't take things seriously enough, or are just plain ol' assholes. Luckily, as DM, you can find ways to get your vengeance...

And these stories finally started bubbling up in this r/AskReddit thread...

1. CheshiresParadox

I had a player who kept making dumb technical arguments to justify every little weird stunt he wanted to pull. Ran out of arrows and wanted to shoot rocks with his bows, kept arguing that he'd seen someone do it so it totally worked.

Couldn't make camp in the muddy grimey floor of the cave so he wanted to sleep on the ceiling upside down with his boots of spiderclimbing. When we pointed out that the blood'd rush to his head, he argued that there wasn't a sourcebook that stated that elven biology was affected by gravity that way.

Sooooo, a goblin ran around the corner and threw its poop at him, he exploded and we pointed out that there wasn't a sourcebook that stated goblin poop didn't double as volatile explosives when thrown at upside down sleeping elves.

2. nagol93

I once had a guy that tried to cheese the big boss fights, saying stuff like "there is nothing in the rule book that says dragons can dig, so im going to make a bunker and blast it with firebolt for 3 (indame) weeks". (for the record he was a lvl 1 character wanting to do this solo. The dragon was meant to be fought by 3-4 lvl 4 players)

True, the rules dont say dragons can dig. But Im the DM and I say the dragon can and will rip through your mud shack and violently disassemble your rib-cage.

3. Chalky_Cupcake

I once rolled a character with stats so low the DM made me a carrot :(

4. Woodforsheep

The worst I ever played with was a guy who cheated. He was a one-upping, me-first, min-maxing, rules-lawyering, murder-hobo... but that I can deal with as a DM. What I can't deal with is cheating.

When I caught him and confronted him about it, I probably would've let him keep playing with the group if he just confessed and promised not to do it again, but he tried to blame-shift and obfuscate and all kinds of other things, so I asked him to leave and not come back. I also posted his information on some forums (which I admit, may have been a bridge too far) because I didn't want other people to have to play with him.

As for in-game consequences... those are for in-game actions.

5. ya_boy_ducky

He kept trying to rape female NPCs and female player characters in game. Saying that it was "in character" for him. He found a Scarab of Death later that session and after it burrowed into his heart I politely asked him to leave.

6. Bosunny_Delight

I ran a campaign set in the industrial revolution, but with a light steampunk twist. There were numerous things this one player complained about:

  • Why do I need to buy a train ticket? I'm just going to sneak onto the train! Wait, why am I being thrown off the train?
  • What do you mean I'm not allowed to build a peasant railgun?
  • What do you mean I can't call in an orbital strike?
  • Why does the Kings guard want me to put my bombs in a secure store while I meet the king? I won't do it! Why am I being taken to jail?
  • What do you mean I can't sneak out of a secure leprosy ward? I was only bluffing that I was sick!

And many more

7. Sanderf90

Still starting as a DM someone joined my game who was a massive anime fan.

He joined with a human warlock called Kira.

Now I knew nothing about Death Note at the time. To me it was just a human warlock with a name Kira.

He played the warlock like an actual warlock carrying around his tome in which he would take notes and make lists of names.

In character he said "these are people who I want to see dead".

To me that was just a character quirk so I let it be. But then when we encountered a villain again whose name he had noted he got mad at me.

"He's supposed to be dead, that's how the Death Note works."

I was a bit confused and for a moment thought I had forgotten some obscure dnd rule. So I asked him to explain what his character could do.

He told me it was a homebrew magical item. If he writes a name down, they die.

Which I thought was overpowered and told him that.

He got really angry.

Said the whole point of dnd was to play the characters he wants.

Eventually he relented that part of his character. But it kept going.

He would sometimes refuse to roll for a certain check "I'm smart enough that I would just succeed".

So I had a one on one conversation with him about what he wanted to play and what was fair to the other players and myself as the DM.

He seemed understanding but the next game would fall back into his old habits. Annoying other players as well.

I removed him from the table after that. His reaction was to take out a prop Death Note and dramatically write out my name.

Still alive.

Watched Death Note since.

Good show.

Now understand why he also dramatically ate his potato chips.

8. RisaUnwound

My husband was the DM. One of my friends was That Guy. I'll call him Guy for short here.

Guy made ridiculously overpowered characters but also made each one Chaotic Unaligned. This meant when we met NPCs who gave us tasks, missions, advice, or even gifts he would try to rob them. It was annoying as fuck. It got to the point where every painting had to be directly painted onto the wall and every ungifted item was cursed because otherwise Guy would just rob everyone blind.

We have another friend who has autism and a pretty obvious speech impediment. That Guy would often interrupt him while he was attempting to deliver dialogue in character and then smirk at the rest of the group. He'd boast about it afterwards but we'd ignore him.

He thought it would be cute to hit on my character. I wasn't pleased or comfortable. Because Guy insisted on it I was told to roll resist. I failed. Husband was kind enough to say flatly "She is mildly aroused." And quickly move on. Guy tried to keep going but we all told him to knock it off.

He wanted to be DM very badly. We let him once. Every NPC and enemy was overpowered and he took great delight in slaughtering us. Each round took forever because he had so many characters to get through and each time he got to a player one of Guy's enemies had a special trick to stop us doing a bunch of stuff. Me and another player got so bored we brought out books to read at the table. Rude, I know. But it really was unbearable.

Guy's life wasn't very interesting outside of our games. He was an unemployed high school drop out. He didn't study, he didn't have any other hobbies except anime and video games, and he lived with his parents. This meant RPGs were pretty much Guy's only source of entertainment and the only thing giving him a sense of purpose. Our RPG group was bombarded with text messages 24/7 asking when we were due for our next session. He claimed it was his "duty" to remind us.

There was a badass moment where he showed my husband a character he rolled which included a bunch of mods and stuff he found in obscure magazines and websites. My husband just looked at him and said "Congratulations. You just won Shadowrun. How was it?"

Finally, we told him we needed a long break from him. We informed Guy we no longer wanted to play with someone like him. Guy wasn't happy but seemed to take it well.

There was so much crap he did that I've really only just skimmed the surface. He really was hell to play with. It sucked so bad.

Eventually Guy encountered his own That Guy and learned some humility. He still isn't exactly a joy to play with but he's much better than he used to be.

9. dub_tree

One player kept bringing whichever flavor-of-the-week girl he was banging to join our weekly game. Ultimately they would break up and we'd have wasted the better part of several sessions constantly introducing new PCs who would usually only be there for one session.

His character was lured to his doom via falling damage by a harpy's song after some bad tactical decisions and horrendous saving throws. The harpies were named after the characters that had left us due to the player's unchecked philandering ways, presumably cursed and transformed after they had vanished from the story.

10. Vypernorad

The guy bugged us every session to join for month. Despite us telling him we where not taking more players. We eventually have someone leave, and for some reason decide he is going to take their place. He shows up to the first session without a character ready, takes forever getting it made, than does nothing once in game. The second session he just sits there on his laptop and seems to ignore the game. On my way back from the bathroom I see his screen and the dude is just watching porn. I immediately kicked him out and told him not to come back.

Edit: He just left in surprise when I told him to get out, and approached me the next weak to ask why I kicked him out. Just kind of looked upset and walked off when I told him.

11. Teh_swimmly

Not D&D but a FATE-based game. Character was based on a gambler with a minor ability to alter chance. The player was an absolute asshole. I'm all for open-ended storylines, but we had all decided to play a campaign our DM had spent a ton of time putting together. If he failed a throw, he'd start trying to undermine the other players actions "so we all fail together". He'd leave the location or quest and refuse to participate "because it fits my character", but insist on doing throws for all of his random bullshit actions. IMO we did an ok job finishing out the campaign, but he wasn't invited to the next one, which was awkward because all five of us lived in the same house. He didn't talk to us for two months and then moved to Texas (from Michigan). Only one member of the party talks to him on occasion and apparently he just refuses to acknowledge that we existed.

12. Jakespartan44

We had a guy roll a critical failure while another guy rolled a nat 20. The nat 20 guy dodged a boulder and carved his name into the boulder while the other guy got smashed by that same boulder because his shield got caught in the tiny hallway he was in. He still blames the other player for essentially sending him a boulder with his name on it to kill him lol.

13. PittsburghDM

This was a few years ago. I had started up The Age of Worms campaign. I contacted all of my old friends from high school and we were gonna play like old times. Most of them I had kept in touch with, the only one I hadn't kept in touch with turned out to be the trouble maker.

For the purpose of the story, we'll call him Frank. We start up the game. Game consists of 6 players including myself. We get through the first module without much trouble. Frank likes to talk shop and will talk everyone's ear off. No biggie, not like I am any better.

He however started on the next session trying to push his weight around us like he did in high school. See in our little cliq of friends, the person who was usually the voice of the group was him. I thought nearly a decade of being out of high school and married that he would have changed into a sensible adult.... I was wrong.

Well he started to verbally be a douche bag to one of our players. This lasted a few sessions until the last one. The last one he physically swung at the player. It was something over the game on how something was roleplayed and Frank got pissed and swung. I stood up to tell him that I would not put up with that shit in my house.... however I didn't get the chance to. To this day I think this was so cool.

The only person at the table that didn't go to school with us was James. James is 6'4" of farm boy who worked nights as a bouncer. Before I could say a word, he was up and restrained him. He said something along the lines of how dare you do that shit as a guest in someone's house. He told him to leave before he got physically thrown out of the house. Frank left and we continued to play the campaign. He was the first person I've had to ask to leave but sadly not the last.