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As reported by Pedestrian and several other outlets, a peculiar Star Wars fan edit surfaced on torrent sites this week. Stitched together with shady cam footage, "The Last Jedi De-Feminized Fanedit" cuts the vast majority of female characters out of the film. The anonymous chickenshit who uploaded this travesty made sure to include a long description detailing cuts and giving justification for these baffling changes. 

Basically The Last Jedi minus Girlz Powah and other silly stuff.

It would probably be easier to make a list of things that were kept instead of things that were changed. Hardly any scene got away without cuts.

The resulting movie is (wait for it ...) 46 minutes long. 

Yeah I know, it's not ideal. It's made from a CAM source (the most recent HDTC one with the Asian hard subs, which is pretty watchable). It has issues. But it had to be done.

I'm pretty sure spending your free time cutting almost two hours out of a Star Wars movie to eliminate the imaginary threat of digital estrogen did not have to be done. The internet agrees, and this sad boy has been roundly mocked across several websites and platforms. What the hell does a women-free 46-minute Star Wars movie even look like? 

I know. Part of you kind of wants to see this tragic, insecure shitshow. Don't worry, you don't have to scrub through the sketchier side of the internet just to satisfy your morbid curiosity -- I've already done that for you. I watched the De-Feminized Fanedit of The Last Jedi, and I can tell you with authority that it's even worse than you think

Boy howdy, does this edit start off with a banger. The first major tweak can be seen in the opening crawl, which normally looks like this.


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Pretty standard stuff. But for the anonymous MRA scrubbing through this movie, the intro made one crucial mistake: Mentioning that Leia exists. 

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You're seeing that correctly. As highlighted by my tasteful MS Paint lines, any mention of Leia has been literally erased from the opening crawl of The Last Jedi. 

Up to this point, I thought that this edit could be a big joke or an elaborate troll. But removing Leia's name -- not even her face or voice, just the text that evokes her being -- shows a degree of pettiness I didn't think was possible. 

That's literally just the beginning. The opening scene snips out a ton of footage, like Poe's playful banter and Leia's chatter from the command center. Also not in the movie? Paige Tico. Remember Paige Tico?

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She was the one who sacrificed herself to bomb one of The First Order's capital ships. Paige fights with everything she has, down to the very last moment of her life. Her desperate struggle and success in spite of the odds is important in establishing the spirit (and the overall dire state) of the Resistance.

But uh, in the De-Feminized Fanedit, a faceless man presses a button and the bombs all drop immediately. 

Not only is Paige not in the movie, but her sister Rose is also gone completely. She and Finn never go to Canto Bight (though they are inexplicably betrayed by Benicio Del Toro, who apparates into the movie a few minutes before it ends). Admiral Holdo, the lavender-haired Resistance Leader who takes over for Leia, is also absolutely nowhere to be seen for the duration of the film. These women are huge parts of the movie, so cutting around them was an impossible task, but our determined editor forged ahead anyway.

In case you don't have a good idea of what kind of dickwad we're dealing with, here's the uploader's explanation for what happened with Rose:

Asian chick speaks less, doesn't bully Finn, Finn doesn't try to escape, she is never formally introduced. She is just there and occasionally smiles at Finn or screams "Finn!". She has no sister. Serves her right for all the heinous stuff she did.

Yeah! I'll spend hours of my life to create a world where a woman doesn't exist! That'll show that... fictional character...

It almost makes me happy thinking about someone as spiteful and vindictive as this jagoff trying and failing to think of a way to remove Rey from The Last Jedi. And so he graciously grants her some screentime.

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Not that much screentime, though. Rey's scenes start with her self-taught lightsaber missions, which are a little under an hour into the original cut of the movie. The De-Feminized version, however, spends almost no time on her training. Around the ten minute mark, Luke is already launching into his tale about how Kylo Ren turned on him and burned down the Academy (no other version of the events is given, indicating that's how things "really" happened). 

You probably remember the scene in The Last Jedi where Kylo tries and fails to bring himself to shoot down Leia's ship. The mother and son share meaningful psychic looks that were seen in the trailers. 

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We know that in the original verison of the movie, Kylo hesitates for a while and eventually relents, taking his finger off the trigger -- only for another bomber to take out the bridge. The De-Feminized version cuts off the Force-connected reunion about three seconds in, as Kylo almost immediately hits the fire button himself, destroying his mother. No magic spaceflight for Leia in this cut. She's dead and out of the movie. Like a true gentleman, the editor makes sure to keep one last lingering shot of General Leia's frozen corpse. 

As you may have gathered, this edit is incomprehensible. Someone watching this for the first time would have no idea who anyone is, where they are or why anything is happening. That's what happens when you shave off 2/3 of a movie in pursuit of a pathetic, impotent vendetta. 

Even the coolest, most manly action scenes in the movie don't escape the knife.

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What could possibly be wrong with that badass throne room fight? Oh, right. Rey is doing too much. In the notes from the uploader:

Kylo takes on more of Snoke's guards, Rey struggles with a single one.

Jiminy Christmas. This might be somehow sadder than all the other changes up to this point. Reworking a tag-team fight so that the edgelord villain is more powerful than the female protagonist is the very definition of overcompensating.

Speaking of neat action setpieces, that lightspeed attack is in there. But uh, Admiral Holdo isn't, so the scene plays out with some uh, minor tweaks. 

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Since Admiral Holdo isn't around to sacrifice herself during one of the biggest moments of the franchise, someone has to pilot the ship into oblivion. That person is Poe Dameron. There's not really any good footage of him at the helm to splice in, so all we have in this edit is a quick shot of Poe looking over his shoulder in slow motion while engines fire up. It's sort of like my dreams every night, except instead of proceeding to put his jacket around me, Poe warpnukes an entire fleet of bad guys.

You can tell the idea that a woman made a glorious sacrifice got under the skin of this dude. Not only did he swipe Admiral Holdo's shining moment and give it to Poe, he also made sure that Captain Phasma went out like a punk.

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Phasma was barely in these movies to begin with, but her time was cut even shorter by this edit, which sees her get dunked into oblivion seconds after confronting Finn. The reasoning given by the uploader would be hilarious if it weren't so depressing.

Phasma is finished after the first blow by Finn. (Women are naturally weaker than men, she isn't force-sensitive, and we know nothing about any exo-skeleton in her suit)

You can almost taste the lack of self-awareness. You can't complain about a movie not adhering to your own version of reality while simultaneously whining that the ironclad rules of space magic also prove your point. I mean, you can do that, but you just look like an oblivious asshole.

Robbed of any meaning or consequence, the rest of the movie stumbles on to the end. Luke doesn't Force Hologram his way into the ending -- he actually shows up to save the day, only to die from the first shot from a walker. 

You might be wondering why I put myself through this. Why was it necessary to go over this hatchet job in such great detail? Shouldn't we just ignore this? Yeah, overall I wouldn't dwell on it too much. But I think sometimes it's important to witness the depths and capacity of the small and hateful. If you're not the kind of person already being targeted by these sorts of yahoos, staring into the terrible gaping void once in a while can help gain some perspective. We can brush it off, like Luke here. Just remember this as proof that these people really do exist, and they have a lot of time on their hands. 

Now, for some fun, let's look at what the cast and crew of The Last Jedi think of the De-Feminized Fanedit.

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Tristan Cooper can be found on Twitter