1. Who the fuck writes this crap?

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"It's more than just hope. What, are we just going to kill all of them? Finding some way forward, that's harder. That's something more. That's how it's gotta be." -Carl, who spent his adolesence in the apocalypse. I know it must sound profound when you write it, but having a kid say it outloud is obnoxious.

2. Why isn't Tara the main protagonist??

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She is the only believable character.

3. Why don't they sell this show to Netflix?

This would be a lot more tolerable if I could finish this shit in one weekend.

4. Are we supposed to feel bad for Second Amendment Grannie?

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She drew first blood. It's the Zombie Apocalypse, old lady.

5. Daryl and co.'s plan was to flood the walker horde into the Sanctuary, but they're acting like it would be fool proof.

All the Saviors had to do was run up the stairs and put up a barricade. Not totally easy in the moment, sure, but you don't think it's possible Negan can roll up to Alexandria after that?

6. What's even the point anymore?

Why am I doing this?

7. Why didn't D die?

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Whats-her-face finds out D is the saboteur, so she shoots him... in the arm? Come on. He had just gunned down like half a dozen Saviors but she decides she wants to question him right then and there? Just cap him.

8. Do smoke bombs not obstruct your breathing?

Maybe I just don't know what I'm talking about, but people are walking through smoke bombs like they're Razzberry Mint hookah mist.

9. So the "Eastern medicine" used on Gabriel worked?

He doesn't seem to be dying, so I guess the lemon juice and garlic powder cured him. That's bullshit.

10. They let Ezekial go because they need him alive?

They were just asking for him, so they could kill him. Also, shoot his fucking legs if you want him alive.

11. Who is this for?

Are there any fans that are like "yeah, this is still good?"

12. What the fuck kind of fight is this?

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Rick HAD NEGAN. He knocked Negan to the ground, took his bat, and... poked him a bit. Have you learned nothing? This should be The Walking Dead's version of Cleganebowl, but it was a worse bout than when Rick kicked that wife beaters' ass.

13. Ok so... this random Savior gets the drop on Michonne but still gets killed?

He bearhugs her and instead of doing ANYTHING ELSE, he starts talking trash while she still has her sword? She backs him up like 3 feet into the nearest hard surface and he's all "ouch owie my bones" and just lets go, giving her the opportunity to stab his face.

14. How has it taken 8 goddamn episodes to get to this?

This should have been all taken place in three episodes. It was so drawn out that I can't imagine anyone even fucking cares anymore.

15. ENOUGH WITH THE SLOW PANS OF PEOPLE'S FACES.

STOP.

16. Where are the trash people?

All of that screen time in previous episodes and they are totally MIA.

17. When did Carl get bit?

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And why bother putting a bandaid on it? *Edit: People are saying Carl got bit a few episodes ago when he was killing zombies with that rando. Cool. That would have been a nice moment to actually see. I'm sure the actor, Chandler Riggs, is a nice fellow but I'm glad we're seeing the end of Carl. Time to pass the hat down to Judith.

Final Verdict: Ugh.

The midseason finale culminates into a roaring "meh." I'm done. When does Game of Thrones come back?