It's going to be a tough Christamas out there for geeks, more than any other holiday season before it. The world has never been more full of cheap, mass produced nerd tchochkes to stuff your stockings. What should be a reflection of your friends' and family's care for you is at risk of becoming an unceremonious Funko Pop exchange for all involved... but it doesn't have  to be that way. We went looking through the Internet's main source of hand-crafted goods Etsy to find some truly unique gifts and one-of-a-kind items that are sure to leave their recipients absolutely speechless.

1. Wonder Woman Oak Spanking Paddle ($45.99) by 

spanking paddle wonder woman

You tell me ONE thing Wonder Woman has to do with bondage play besides "literally everything"!


2. Silent Hill Pyramid Head and Bubble Nurse "Pony Plush" ($80) by Caustic Cuties

undefinedmy little pony plush holiday gift guide pyramid head silent hill horror konami

What do you get for someone who is old enough to have fond memories of Silent Hill 2 AND still loves My Little Pony, you know besides a restraining order?

3. How to Train Your Dragon "Toothless" Costume for Cats ($86) by SimplySphynx


Just imagine, your cat could be as happy as this!

4. "Ice Age" Inspired Squirrel Pipe($39.99) by 

Scrat ice age acorn blue sky movies

Scrat ice age acorn blue sky movies weird etsy

There's two possible reactions to this photo: 


"Holy shit! Ice Age fans are old enough to smoke weed already!?"


5. Padded Pokeball Bra ($128.95) by GeekCrafters

weird pokemon gifts pokemon

To be fair, for many lifelong Pokemon fans, boobs are the hardest things to catch of all.

6. Pickle Rick Glass Pipes ($39.50) by 

pickle rick marijuana glass piece

You're probably not smart enough to get these as gifts, just keep scrolling, NORMIE.


7. "Game of Scones" Upcycled Butter Spreader ($16.95) by 

game of thrones butter knife

This present is perfect for anyone who's ever imagined a trial by combat between Olenna Tyrell and Mary Berry.



8. Hand-Crocheted Lightsaber C*ck Sock ($20) by 


For when you're harder than Carbonite.

9. NES Controller-Style Folding Beard/Moustache Comb ($25.99) by LIMLazer


Whip this bad boy out the next time your 'stache got frizzled up because you rocked too hard at the chiptunes show.


10. "Space Station" Ball Gag ($35) by GeekySexToys


When you wanna be humiliated sexually and humiliated the regular way all at the same time.


11. Bob's "Tainted Meat" Walking Soap ($13.50) by 

bobs tainted meat

From the hit show "AMC's The Washing Dead".


12. "Buff Pikachu" Custom Pokemon Figure ($45) by 


weird pokemon christmas gifts pokemon