1. The old man who tells you things have been a little different round here lately

He's been living here for longer than you've been alive, young man, and he's never seen things this dangerous. Why, just the other day these squid creatures were terrorizing the children in the town's fountain. He just doesn't understand it - this is a peaceful town that would never hurt a fly!

2. The woman who's locked out of a building she owns and can you find me the key, young man?

Why keep a spare key around when instead, you could stand outside your home and hope a sidequest-addicted adventurer comes along and agrees to find your key for you? I mean, hey this kid seems to be doing anything people ask him to, so what's one more key fetchin? 

3. The confident bad boy who's always like "you're not from around here, are ya? fancy a race through town, newcomer?"

He he he look who it is. You are a complete stranger to me but I'm the goddamn king around these parts and as any town alpha should do, I challenge you to a FOOT RACE. If you beat me, which you most certainly will on your first try, I will say something like "Hrumph" and accuse you of cheating.

4. The lady who wants you to do something with an item you don't have yet, but she doesn't tell you that part

Hey there, I don't know if there's anything you can do about it, but there's a giant boulder blocking the entranceway to the cistern. You most likely need to defeat the next boss in this game to do this, but I'm not gonna tell you that. Instead I'm gonna make you think that you can do it now, or that maybe you accidentally skipped something earlier in the game that would allow you to do this. A quick Google search will put you right back on track!

5. The shy dweeb who's in love with some lady in town but he's too shy

She's so pretty - you know who I'm talking about right? The school teacher who reminds you "spin attack is to hold down B" when you talk to her. If only I could talk to her. I can't, though I just can't! I'm so SHY. But don't worry, during the end game credits sequence we will be together because it'll make you think "aww look it worked out" even though in reality, like c'mon. 

6. The girl who thinks she heard something was happening at the potions store, you should really go on over to the potions store

I heard they're selling that weapon you need to progress in this game down at the potions store. Ever since new management took over, the potions store has really been terrific. The potions store really is the one and only place to stop in town. The potions store.

7. The animal that makes an animal sound, fucking what did you expect


8. The shopkeep who's all like "shops not open at the moment, but you can have anything ya like if you help me with my pest problem"

Welcome to the potions store. Unfortunately I can't give you what you want because of all these dang low level bad guys that have infiltrated the basement of my shop. Yes, I realize you, a customer, in no universe are responsible to handle this. It is incredibly unprofessional for me to be asking you to do this. But hey, do you want to 100% this game or what. 

9. The innkeeper who I guess doesn't realize you can heal yourself with hearts and stuff instead of staying at their inn

Come on in, rest your head! My beds have the magic power to rejuvenate your health and make you strong again! All it takes is a cutscene of you getting in bed and then a black screen and then you getting out of bed! What? You're telling me you can heal yourself in seconds for free all the time? And that this is a terrible business model? And that the only reason you are in here is to find that key for that woman who's locked out of her house?

10. The person who talks forever and fuck! you accidentally talked to them cuz you were trying to do this cool jump and now you have to smash buttons until they shut the fuck up

A, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, just keep hitting a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, do you want me to repeat that?, a, SHIT NOW HE'S REPEATING EVERYTHING AGAIN a, a, a, a....