1. You MUST be screaming the n-word nonstop during the lobby portion, or playing music weirdly filled with racial slurs

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Listen, I don't like it either, but apparently that's what everyone else does and I will NOT be the odd man out here.



2. You MUST grab molotov cocktails and throw them into a crowd of players about 5 seconds before the match begins, so the plane has that badass flame trail behind it

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Damn, those fire trails look so sweet. Haha, it's like the plane is on fire! Definitely something worth committing energy to before literally every match (along with the racial slurs).



3. WE LAND IN POCHINKI, EVERY TIME.

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Even if the plane's path is nowhere near Pochinki, we go Pochinki. If we can't make it there on landing, then we find a vehicle and drive to Pochinki. If I accidentally hit F too early and landed near the coast, we still go to Pochinki. Pochinki's where all the good stuff is and I'm pretty sure I stand a better shot at killing someone in close quarters than in a sniper battle (I am an expert sniper, FYI, but the game is just stupid and cheats and people snipe me when they TOTALLY couldn't even see me so it's bullshit).



4. You HAVE to give me all your scopes and meds

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I am a better sniper than you AND I know how to effectively manage the meds better than you, so just give them all to me. Also putting an 8x scope on this S12K shotgun DOES make sense, dude, just trust me.



5. We loot the area we're in until 2 seconds before we get swallowed by the gas (don't worry, pretty sure I saw a vehicle down the road, we can just take that to the next circle and be fine)

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Trust me, I watch streamers do this ALL THE TIME. If this works for Summit1G, it'll definitely also work for us (I don't have any meds by the way, just a bunch of pistols and I changed shirts like four times).



6. I WILL scream at you because you didn't see the vehicle had its tires shot out and now it barely moves at all when we try to drive it

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HOW DID YOU NOT WARN ME THE DACIA HAD ITS TIRES ALL SHOT OUT? NOW WE'RE FUCKED, DUDE, JUST DRIVE. NO, YOU DRIVE, I'M TOO GOOD AT SHOOTING AS A PASSENGER WITH MY 8X SCOPE SHOTGUN TO BOTHER DRIVING.



7. I WILL run far away from you to go hunt some dude I thought I saw in the distance. When I inevitably get sniped from super far away when I'm running through an open field with no cover, it's YOUR duty to revive me ASAP

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Such BULLSHIT. I coulda sworn I saw another guy running through this wide open field with absolutely no trees or rocks. He's probably cheating or something and teleported away. Anyways, YOU GOTTA HURRY OVER HERE AND REVIVE ME, MORON. I can't believe YOU let me get so far away from you. GO FASTER.



8. If anyone successfully kills me, I will yell "STREAM SNIPING" and you must also yell it, even though I've only ever had one person watch my Twitch stream and it was my mom and the only thing she wrote in the chat was "kek u were a mistake" when I died

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Ugh, stream-sniped AGAIN! Happens literally every game, including the times I fall off the ridge above Prison thinking I can totally make this jump and be fine.

Anyways, if you wanna be part of my ELITE squad, just hit me up any time on PUBG. Unless it's you, mom. Those "loser loser moron boozer" taunts are getting a little hurtful.