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Today - August 22nd, 2017 - saw the long-awaited announcement of official pre-orders at certain retailers for the upcoming SNES Classic - a mini-console made by Nintendo that will include 20 classic SNES titles (and the previously unreleased title, Star Fox 2). There was only one problem - the pre-orders were sold out almost instantly everywhere, and it was immediately apparent there would be VERY few units available at the September 29th launch.

This development gave us pause - and after much deep thought and contemplation over the issue, we've come to a reasoned, logical conclusion: FUCK YOU, NINTENDO. Here's why...



1. You Halted Production of the NES Classic In Order To Get Ahead of the SNES Classic

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After 2.3 million units shipped, Nintendo shocked their thirsty-ass consumerbase by announcing last April that they would be discontinuing production of the NES Classic altogether after only a few months on the market - despite the fact that there was still ample demand for the item. The NES Classic was a classic (sorry) Nintendo move - come up with a neat-sounding product, wildly undersupply the market, watch consumers go insane trying to get one, and then completely abandon it for questionable reasons. And while many were quick to theorize WHY Nintendo would be halting production (and therefore refusing a ton of guaranteed revenue), the general consensus came into sharper focus when NOA President Reggie Fils-Aime explained that Nintendo didn't have "unlimited resources" - ie that they were shifting production to a new product, the SNES Classic.

The headstart on production and the knowledge of how wildly popular the NES Classic was gave many the hope that Nintendo would solve the old issues with their next generation Classic console - read the market more accurately, accelerate production, and ensure there wasn't the same dreadful lack of supply this time around. After all, why would Nintendo want to leave money on the table AND piss off a bunch of fans?

The answer: production clearly WAS NOT accelerated to the degree it should have been (despite Nintendo explicitly promising "significantly more units" than its NES counterpart), and we're dealing with the same absurd shortages as before. Every major retailer that offered pre-orders were sold out INSTANTLY (well, within minutes - and that was assuming you could even get the websites to load).

Verdict? FUCK YOU NINTENDO.



2. You Do This Shit ALL THE GODDAMN TIME

Going back a bit - this is classic (sorry again) Nintendo behavior: we've gone through this with specific Amiibos, with the Nintendo Switch, with various bundles, and last year with the NES Classic. They keep doing this - and maybe their warehouses full of unsold, dust-gathering Wii Us gave them reason to be nervous about their production of Switches, but the precedent for the SNES Classic should have been clear: if the previous-gen, lower quality games NES Classic sold as insanely well as it did and had such fervent demand, the SNES Classic would have even GREATER demand (particularly with the inclusion of Star Fox 2, a never-before-released game).

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via Kotaku

There are two possibilities here - Nintendo is either incredibly stupid (again, they are losing out on TONS of revenue, pissing off their fans, and attracting more negative attention to their brand) or just plain cruel (I don't think they would want shortages this bad, but after so many examples, it seems plausible). There is no GOOD reason for them to behave like this - the increased desire generated by shortages is definitely a thing, but the shortages are EXTREME. And the PR boost that comes from these shortages only pays off if you eventually deliver on greater supply - to create the desire and never cash in on it makes no sense, but that's exactly what they did with the NES Classic, and it's hard to imagine they won't do it again with the SNES Classic.

Verdict? FUCK YOU NINTENDO.



3. You Are Making Retailers' and Customers' Lives Miserable Today

The SNES Classic pre-orders were available for mere minutes today (including an unexpected few minutes at around 1am for Best Buy) - and it was immediately clear there would not be enough to go around by a wide margin. The end result was A LOT of incredibly pissed off consumers, who couldn't get sites to load due to massive traffic, made it all the way through shopping cart checkout only to find their selected item was "unavailable", or just plain missed the blink-and-you'll-miss-it window this highly-desired product was available for. For fans of Nintendo who just wanted to spend a little bit of money on a product that would let them relive the 16-bit era's glory days, this was a pretty insulting development.

And instead of blaming Nintendo (who were the ones determining how many units were allotted to which retailers, and undersupplied them all), consumers were quick to turn their rage towards the retailers who they blamed for the crummy experience. Go search Twitter for people messaging the handles of Wal-Mart, Target, and GameStop, and you'll see a flood of angry people pissed off that they weren't able to get an SNES Classic preorder, or they ALMOST HAD IT but then they couldn't complete the transaction. And this is only a small sample of a public forum - god knows how many customer service calls and emails they've had to deal with it, for an issue that they had no real control over.

Many, many more people are miserable over the SNES Classic right now than happy about it - and that sucks.

Verdict? FUCK YOU NINTENDO.



4. You Are Creating a Hellscape Reseller Market Where Everyone Gets Gouged and You Know It

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There is still ONE outlet where you can find PLENTY of SNES Classic consoles - eBay. There's just one tiny catch: they're all being sold by third parties who are jacking up the prices 3-4 times the actual cost and gouging the shit out of everyone BECAUSE THEY KNOW THEY CAN GET AWAY WITH IT.

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Nintendo's negligence towards undersupplying is going to lead to the exact same thing that it always does - the creation of a secondary market where bots/scalpers grabbed as many pre-orders as possible with no intention of enjoying the consoles themselves, but rather purely to profit off of an expected shortage by reselling to people who actually wanted to play them.

Tons of Nintendo fans will end up paying $300+ for an SNES Classic in the end, but most of that money won't go towards Nintendo or the retailers Nintendo had supplied to - it'll go to the dipshit assholes who grabbed the pre-orders purely for profit. This sucks for fans, this sucks for retailers, AND it sucks for Nintendo - but Nintendo was the only one who has the power to do anything about it, and again they chose the route of shortages and allowing consumers to be shit on.

Verdict? FUCK YOU NINTENDO.



5. We Could Get All Of This Stuff For Free...BUT WE STILL WANT TO GIVE YOU MONEY!

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The strangest part of all of this is that, for the most part, the NES Classic and the SNES Classic aren't really offering anything NEW or HARD TO GET. The emulation scene for both the NES and the SNES has been going strong for over 20 years. And (other than Star Fox 2), literally every game offered by these consoles is readily available for anyone with loose morals and the ability to search Google (and often supported by mods, more customization, etc.). And yet, a ton of tech-savvy fans who could otherwise get all of this for free have shown the desire to hand Nintendo $80 to play a limited, fixed number of games on a closed system.

And Nintendo won't let them.

Nintendo is offering a cheap plastic casing that plays a few emulated ROMs, and the affinity for the simplicity of it (and because I prefer not to have NESticle on my desktop) and Nintendo have motivated tons of people to excitedly fork over money...if only there were enough units to make searching for one anything other than an arduous, miserable slog of refreshing pages, finding out you missed pre-order opportunities because you weren't up at 3am, and contemplating paying for insane bundles that cost $200 and include a bunch of trash you don't actually want.

Verdict? I KNOW I SHOULDN'T WANT THIS AND SHOULD TAKE A MORAL STANCE AGAINST YOUR SHITTY PRACTICES BUT GODDAMMIT I WANT THIS FOR SOME REASON (but still fuck you, Nintendo)