Okay Bran, we get it. You're a weird goth mystic and you speak like Jaden Smith tweets. In a world with dragons and ice zombies, we can deal with a teenager going through a sudden transformation. But what's super frustrating is that Bran seems hell-bent on saying anything but the most obvious, helpful things to the people around him.
In particular, there is no reason that Bran shouldn't have told Jon Snow about his Targaryen heritage by now. We spent several episodes last season building up to that reveal in those time travel flashbacks. His mind might be a little hazier than normal, but the scene with Lyanna Stark at the Tower of Joy has to have stuck with him. So why wouldn't Bran send a raven to Jon the first chance he got? He certainly seemed anxious to get word out about the White Walkers at Eastwatch this episode.
And it's not like this news would distract Jon from his diplomacy talks with Daenerys -- really, what better way to get on her good side than to say you're the only other Targaryen left in the world? Granted, spilling this info might prevent that creepy Aunt Dany/Nephew Jon makeout session that seems more or less inevitable at this point. And we wouldn't want to deprive the internet of that.
This is pretty minor, but it was definitely distracting. While Daenerys is saying her farewells to Jorah, Jon and the others on the beach, she looked a little... off. It's almost as if Dany got a tan while she was roasting Lannisters on the mainland. Of course, that wouldn't make any sense, would it? This is a woman who lived in hot and even desert-like locations for years, and never got any color in her cheeks. It makes sense up to a point, since someone who's immune to fire might be a bit resistant to a sunburn. But what is it about the gloomy shores of Ireland Dragonstone that gave her skin that baked-in look?
You could argue that the lighting is a bit off in that scene compared to similar moments in previous episodes, and that may be true -- but the screenshot I provided on the left has been brightened in Photoshop to even it out a little with past appearances. When it comes down to it, this might be an odd bit of color manipulation/grading. Note how Daenerys' hair looks much whiter in the shot from this week. It's an artistic choice, to be sure, but it's distracting and off-putting when it's changed like that from episode to episode, even scene-to-scene.
I know that was a little superficial of me, so let's get down to what really matters: Cersei being awful.
Gotta hand it to Cersei. She's survived way longer into this series than many people thought. Sure, she's a mass murderer, but props to her for using the innate goodness of her enemies against them. Heading into the last couple episodes of this season, it looks like she's using those same tactics against her brother. Jaime has been drifting away from Cersei for a while (it may or may not have started when she blew up the Fantasy Pope), but she recently reeled him back in with talk of a pregnancy. The world will know the baby belongs to Jaime and Cersei, she says. The idea that this is a ploy to win Jaime's trust back a bit, even temporarily, is entirely feasible. But otherwise, the plan is complete nonsense.
Remember, the only reason Cersei held onto her power is because no one could prove the pervasive twincest rumors. We got the idea in earlier seasons that should the unequivocal truth come out, she and her family would be done for. So if you're already the queen, why would confirm Westeros' worst fears by announcing that yes, you are banging your brother and yeah, that other stuff Ned Stark mentioned about conspiracy to commit murder was probably true also.
But let's just say for the sake of argument that the people will stay silent after that information comes to light, for fear that their killer queen might target them next. There's still the matter of this guy.
Euron Greyjoy declared his intentions to marry Cersei earlier this season, and she's given the impression that she may agree to this charade once that pesky war is all settled. Does anyone really think that Euron is going to be totally cool with a new, incest-produced Lannister child? A child whose claim to the throne will likely be stronger than his own?
Again, these problems only really exist if Cersei is telling the truth about her pregnancy. If she's lying, well, Jaime still believes and from his point of view, all of these problems still persist. But he doesn't seem the slightest bit worried. At this point, Jaime should really take a lesson from Ned Stark and not act like a vulnerable moron in front of Cersei Lannister.
You're not going to find many people who are going to complain about Westeros' own Suicide Squad going up North to fight the army of the dead. Hype levels are past light speed and into plaid territory, but there's still the sticky matter of how we got here in the first place. Sure, it makes sense for Jon Snow to lead a team North of the Wall, and why not, let's bring Gendry and his dirty, glistening torso. I can even buy the Hound and Co. rolling into the mix, but uh, why exactly were they in prison?
When the crew gets to Eastwatch, the Hound, Beric and Thoros have all been captured. Tormund explains that scouts grabbed them a mile or so South of there, so they threw them in a cell. Thing is, Tormund doesn't seem like the kind of guy who would give a frozen shit if someone wanted to run into the wild and kill themselves. He's still a wildling at heart, and there's not much reason for him to want to capture and detain three randos trudging in his general direction.
And come on, this is still the Hound we're talking about here.
You and I and everyone on that continent knows that Sandor Clegane could end a few measley scouts with half a chicken bone. Dude is basically the John Wick of Westeros. So why in the hell would he allow himself to be captured and, by the gang's own admission, potentially die in a cold cell? I'm pretty sure the vision the Hound saw in the flames didn't include "meekly turning yourself over to the authorities at the first sign of trouble."
But if we're being honest, the Hound isn't the only gruff, once-dead man making questionable decisions.
Once more, I do have to reiterate that seeing the Westeros equivalent of the Avengers obliterate some wights is everything I've wanted to see from the show. That being said, Jon's reasoning as to why he has assembled his epic team-up is just a smidge flawed. The plan we're given essentially boils down to catching one wight and bringing it to King's Landing for all to see, in hopes that people will finally believe the undead threat is real. Forget for a minute that they could probably just wait on the safe side of the Wall for someone ill or near-death to croak and restrain the body when it becomes a wight. Even if the plan goes off without multiple beloved characters getting brutally murdered, there's still the matter of this scheme not really working at all.
Jon Snow wants to prove that the White Walkers and an army of the dead are marching on Westeros. He has suggested proper proof in the form of... one ice zombie. How is a world that has seen immense dragons return and burn men to ash in seconds supposed to be afraid of a single reanimated corpse? Especially since you know, a reanimated corpse is currently guarding the queen?
To almost everyone else, there are literally much bigger problems out there. One wight just isn't going to move the needle.
Even if that was all it took, there's still the matter of going to King's Landing being the worst idea imaginable.
In recent episodes, multiple characters have mentioned the dangers of going accepting open invitations from enemies. It's what got Rickard Stark killed before the show began, and it's what ended Robb and Catelyn Stark's campaign as well. It was risky enough for Jon Snow to head over to Dragonstone -- at least there Tyrion was a convincing voice of reason along with the added allure of a dragonglass cache. But there is just no way that Cersei Lannister, the same woman who murdered all of her enemies with a lime green mini-nuke in the middle of her own city, can be trusted. This isn't even one of those "Well, we have to try!" situations. Cersei's intentions and ambitions are not ambiguous at this point. She isn't to be reasoned with, and believing otherwise is almost as dumb as forgetting to bring dragonglass to a White Walker fight.
You're Jon Snow. You've just secured a gargantuan amount of a secret weapon you've been after for ages. You know for a fact that you have a huge leg-up on your enemies when you are armed with said secret weapon. So if you were say, going on a dangerous mission into enemy territory, you'd bring that secret weapon, right?
If Jon is bringing dragonglass North of the Wall, the show didn't think it was worth mentioning. Despite leaving from Dragonstone a while after Daenerys gave the go-ahead to start mining and forging, there wasn't as much as a mention of the stuff. It's not like materials were scarce, dude!
You might not have time to make dozens of swords or anything by this point (but the way time is moving this season, maybe they should have), but come on. At least some daggers? Arrowheads? A fashionable necklace? Hell, apparently all you need is a jagged chunk to stick in your heart, and you can roam the wastes forever like Benjen Stark. Any of these options would be preferable to just leaving your Kryptonite at home when you're about to fight Superman.