Superheroes need to bone as much as anyone else. And in a world populated with scary clowns, killer crocs, and men from Mars, the options aren't always going to be great. That said, some of these relationships are pushing it, even for comic books.

 

1. Batgirl cheated on Nightwing with Batman

batman

Batman is supposed to be one of the most moral and upright members of the DC Universe, standing strong against injustice and fighting for good. Unfortunately, much like Charles Xavier over at Marvel, Bruce Wayne has a fatal flaw: he can't resist younger red headed girls. Specifically, the younger redheaded girl sleeping with one of his sleeping with his protégé. But at least with Professor X, his infatuation with Jean Grey was short-lived. The same can't be said for Batman and Batgirl. 

Yes, that's right, the Dark Knight himself entered into a relationship with Barbara Gordon. As in, the daughter of Batman's comrade in arms, Jim Gordon, and holder of the mantle of a Batgirl. Coincidentally, Babs was schtupping Nightwing when she and Bats hooked up.

Nothing on Batman's utility belt could protect him from what happened next. 

batman

This all took place in a flashback in the comic "Batman Beyond 2.0," which is set in the future -- so it probably hasn't "happened" yet. But if it still comes to pass, Bruce and Dick will fight over Barbara while she has a crimefighting miscarriage. 

batman

This didn't happen in the mainstream DC Universe so we can be thankful for that. However it did happen in the DC Animated Universe, which is the same continuity where Batman and Wonder Woman almost got together. Funny how the thirstiest Batman ever created was made for a kids cartoon.


2. Bucky married Captain America's ex-girlfriend

undefined

Bucky and Steve Rogers have always had a close relationship, so much so that Cap/Bucky ships are an entire industry on their own. Heck, their undeniable magnetism even started a hashtag trend called #GiveCaptainAmericaABoyfriend. But as much as Tumblr might dream, the two of them have not swapped spit in the comics as of yet. But they did, uhm, swap girlfriends?

captain america

Okay, it's not exactly like it sounds. In the mainstream Marvel Universe, Steve Rogers fell into the ice at the end of World War II, while Bucky fell into the hands of the Soviets and became a brainwashed assassin they'd pull out of storage every few years. Things are largely the same for Cap in the Ultimate Universe, but Ultimate Bucky was never captured -- he just went home, aging with the rest of the world. 

After being pulled out of the cold, Steve -- still looking young as ever -- visited Old Man Bucky, only to find that Bucky had married Steve's onetime paramour, Gail.

bucky

Yes, turns out that after the war and all it's casualties, Gail needed someone, and Bucky was there. It's cute, but it must have been sad for Bucky knowing that he could never truly measure up to the immaculate Super Soldier. 


3. MODOK went on a romantic killing spree with Angela (aka Thor's sister)

modok

Though the acronym has changed slightly over the years, MODOK usually stands for something close to Mechanical Organism Designed Only for Killing. But in one comic, he became the Mechanical Organism Designed Only for Kissing... and also Killing. 

The MODOK: Assassin miniseries centered on the titular supervillain running a town called Killville, a hellish reality where every superhero had been exterminated. This put MODOK into conflict with a kind of multiverse police -- which in the Secret Wars storyline was a corps of Thors from several different realities. One of these officers happens to be Angela, a literal angel from He(a)ven that happens to be Thor's sister. When she falls to the earth, MODOK instantly falls in love..

modok

It's hard to imagine how a man whose face looks like a tumor fucked a vibrator might think he has a chance with a woman who is a literal warrior angel of God (and also a cop), but such is love. Throughout the series, MODOK tags along with Angela as they fend off a league of supervillain assassins. For the first time ever, the Mechanical Organism Designed Only for Killing doesn't want to murder someone. Not only that, but MODOK will do anything to save her. 

To say that Angela returns the feelings might be a stretch, but she at least acknowledges their strange bond. 

undefined

All things considered, this is the best MODOK could hope for.

 

4. Thanos and the villain from the next Thor movie are hooking up

thanos

We haven't seen a lot of Thanos on the big screen, even though he's supposedly the Big Bad of the entire Marvel Cinematic Universe. It's tough to tell how the movies will tackle him once he becomes more of an immediate threat, but a recent comic might shed some light on the direction Marvel will take.

See, in the comics Thanos has one and only one desire -- to achieve Death, who is most often represented as a beautiful white woman because comic creators can't imagine making something you can't jack it to. But recently, Thanos has started a relationship -- both sexual and conspiratorial -- with Hela, the ruler of uh, Hel. A god in her own right, Hela is the ruler of the underworld in the Thor corner of the universe. Naturally, she has domain over Death itself. As you can see, Thanos definitely has a type.

thanos

Now, the cool thing is that Thanos has, basically ever since he's been around, been in love with Death, but she's always more or less shunned him. Now there's someone who is also basically Death, but she's ready to jump Thanos bones which A) means Thanos can get everything he ever wanted and B) makes for a super squicky image.

 

5. Harley Quinn made out with an alternate universe version of herself

harley quinn

Time travel is the essence of comics. At least, as far as it makes no sense, and literal time travel needs to be involved for the Punisher to remain a 35 year-old Vietnam vet.  But as a story device, temporal trickery has proven to be a compelling and fun plot device again and again. Characters can fall into the past and meet someone they otherwise would never have known... and fall in love.

Harley Quinn did just that, but in a somewhat unexpected way. Instead of falling into the past, HQ found herself in the DC Bombshells Universe, which is sort of an alternate history where today's superheroes fight during World War II. The all-female squad of Bombshells wage war against the Axis Powers in old-school pin-up redesigned costumes, which is exactly as cool as it sounds. One of these "superheroines" is Harley Quinn, who is a relative do-gooder compared to, you know, all the Nazis. Bombshell Harley is under cover as a German agent when she runs into someone familiar.

Harley Quinn, meet Harley Quinn. 

undefined

This all takes place in a series called Harley's Little Black Book, which -- according to the creators -- is literally a series about the different people Harley Quinn has (or wants to) get busy with.

Though Modern Harley's antics almost ruin a secret mission, she does manage to punch Hitler in the face, so it all evens out. Plus, not many people can say they've made out with themselves.

harley

Harley's Little Black Book also includes well-known characters such as Wonder Woman, Superman, Zatanna and even Lobo. At this point, even Doomsday would be preferable to the Joker.