4. Labyrinth is a cultural touchstone that no can defend against Ralph Macchio

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Labyrinth has become one of the most iconic and distinctive movies of the 1980s. David Bowie's performance as The Goblin King is so synonymous with the decade that it's a requirement for every costume party and themed club night dedicated to 80s nostalgia. Yet Jim Henson's theatrical display of song, adventure, and LSD-inspired visual madness was a commercial flop upon initial release, having found its audience on Home Video and Premium Cable after it had slinked out of theaters. Meanwhile, The Karate Kid Part II is the sequel that took place in Japan with the silly hand-drums, and it's known for being more boring than first one but not as hilariously awful as the third one. If you saw KK2 in theaters instead of Labyrinth you must feel like a dunce, magic dunce.


5. South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut can't blame Canada for losing to Will Smith

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If you had to describe Will Smith's dominance over 90s blockbusters, the words "unstoppable" or "invincible" might come to mind, but Wild Wild West was the Fresh Prince's first major disappointment, despite a multi-bazillion dollar marketing strategy. While South Park: BL&U was a generation-defining comedy that not only cemented South Park as a relevant and razor-sharp cultural critique but also inspired a new wave of musical comedy, a genre that had pretty much been dead in the water before that.

6. If you must blink, do it before you learn War Dogs beat Kubo and the Two Strings

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We've lamented the raw deal that Kubo and the Two Strings got at the box office. A landmark achievement in stop motion animation filled with breathtaking visuals and a powerful message about loss and acceptance, it was doomed to underwhelm in a family movie environment that's more about Boss Babies and Emojis than truth or beauty. Anyway, the point is that you can present the work of hundreds of artists at the height of their craft, and it still won't do better than "Jonah Hill with a Gun". Also, when the "heroes" of the movie are real-world incompetent war profiteers during the Bush Administration's disasterous invasion of Iraq it makes it way harder to laugh at their antics.