Brendan Fraser (above) was probably having an okay day today. I mean, maybe not the best day or anything - it's December, it gets dark earlier, it's colder out, all that. It's not his favorite time of the year or anything, but the day was going alright 'n all. He hadn't seen any of those "Why Won't Hollywood Cast Brendan Fraser?" sponsored posts in a while either. You know the ones:
Anyways, everything was going alright.
Until he saw this: the poster for the new Mummy film, coming out in 2017 and starring Tom Cruise (known to many as "Not Brendan Fraser"):
Tom Cruise?! Surely that must just be a typo, thought Brendan Fraser, who was starting to panic a bit. Tom Cruise already has a bunch of popular franchises, from Mission: Impossible to Jack Reacher - why would he be starring in The Mummy, a franchise that belonged to none other than Brendan Fraser??? Haha, of course, it was DEFINITELY just a typo, Brendan Fraser assured himself.
Still a bit shaken, Brendan searched Google for "Brendan Fraser's big new Mummy movie that I don't remember making but surely I must have" and...well, he was - frankly - horrified by what he found: a teaser trailer for The Mummy (2017) starring none other than Tom Cruise:
Frozen in fear and overtaken by anxiety, Brendan Fraser could hardly process what he had just witnessed before him. Could this be real? Was Universal really launching a new cinematic extended universe featuring all of the famed horror icons, from The Mummy to Frankenstein's Monster to Count Dracula to Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde (being portrayed by Russell Crowe)? Had they forgotten that The Mummy was a franchise that starred him, famous hireable actor Brendan Fraser?!
He watched it again. And again. And again and again and again and again. And each time, it was the same: Tom Cruise's face where it should have been Brendan Fraser's face. Tom Cruise's voice where it should have been Brendan Fraser's voice.
It was all wrong. All so very, very wrong. And then Brendan Fraser felt like this:
The movie looked pretty dope though, Brendan Fraser had to concede. At least he still had George of the Jungle, right?