Heads up: We'll be talking MILD SPOILERS for Pokemon Sun and Moon. Nothing major, but some of these Pokemon haven't been officially revealed. 

Anyone who's been following Pokemon closely knows that Pokedex entries can get pretty dark. These are basically animals, after all, and they have to do some pretty nasty things to survive in the natural world. But as dataminers have found, Sun and Moon's Pokedex is even more messed up than usual. Though many classic Pokemon are making a return for the new game, Pokedex entries have been rewritten across the board. Alongside morbid morsels regarding the debut Pokemon, there's actually a lot of unsettling new tidbits about old favorites. We've collected some of the highlights below. 

Special thanks to phoenixoflight92 for screencapping some of the background imagery on these entry banners. 

1. Gengar is a living nightmare

gengar

Despite looking like the ghost of a Mr. Yuk sticker, Gengar's lore has always been pretty terrifying. Past Pokedex entries have painted a picture of an evil spectre that stalks its prey at night and enjoys toying with its victims. In Pokemon Sun, Gengar's entry explains its seemingly random and cruel behavior:

"It apparently wishes for a traveling companion. Since it was once human itself, it tries to create one by taking the lives of other humans.

Wow. This is basically saying that Gengar wants to murder you so you can become a Gengar and be its friend. Most disturbing of all is how Pokemon Moon describes proper precautions when encountering a Gengar. That is to say, there are none. If you even get a whiff of this abomination, you're done for. There's no running, no bargaining, no begging that will help you. Not even the scientist that wrote that Pokedex entry has any hope for your survival. 

You'd think you'd be better off with a cuter Pokemon, but that would be a mistake. 


2. Bewear loves you to death

bewear

One of Sun and Moon's new Pokemon doesn't even look like a Pokemon at all. Bewear kind of looks like a dude in a cheap mascot suit, and that's because Bewear is in fact based on local mascots that have become so popular across Japan. Since all mascots can really do is wiggle around and hug people, Nintendo had to go and make one of those horrifying. As it turns out, Bewear doesn't know its own massive strength, and often crushes its trainers like that dopey giant from Looney Tunes. If Bewear could talk, he'd probably say "I'm gonna love him and pet him and call him Brock" right before liquefying his trainer's organs with a lethal death-squeeze. Of love.
 


3. Metapod is constantly trying not to disembowel itself

metapod

Caterpie's evolution might be near Magikarp levels of worthlessness. Granted, at least Metapod can harden its shell as opposed to... flopping around on the ground. But as this new Pokedex entry reveals, Metapod isn't useless out of stupidity or obstinance -- it's keeping still and doing nothing because it could die at any moment. Metapod exists in its own living hell, doing everything its power to make sure its vital organs stay inside its body. It has to take an incredible amount of focus and restraint to just lie there while being assaulted by other PokemonAll it would take is one flinch, and Metapod would look like someone shattered a bowl of jell-o on the ground. And there's no Pokecenter in the world that's going to fix that.

4. Mimikyu is a murderer that just wants to be loved

mimikyu

One of the most popular new Pokemon, Mimikyu won over the hearts of fans with its sad but endearing backstory. As many will know, Mimikyu wears a slipshod Pikachu costume because it wants to be as beloved as Pokemon's #1 mascot. It's pathetic in an adorable kind of way, so it makes sense that many would-be trainers out there are willing to be Mimikyu's friend.

You might even go so far as to say Mimikyu doesn't have to hide its true nature just to get people to like it, but that's where you'd be wrong. As confirmed in a new Pokedex entry, Mimikyu's true form is so horrendous that it can kill humans that simply look at it. Mimikyu doesn't just wear a disguise because it wants friends -- it has to keep covered or it would inadvertantly murder anyone it gets close to. Hell, this is what happens to Meowth in the anime when he takes a peek at Mimikyu's feet:

This is a franchise for children, by the way. 

5. Sliggoo can't stop killing its friends

sliggoo

Speaking of cute Pokemon that are also horrifying death machines, we should probably talk about Sliggoo for a minute. Along with its other two forms, Goomy and Goodra, Sliggoo have up to this point been known as charming but slimy dragon-types. Judging from previous Pokedex entries, we know that Goodra likes to give out mucky hugs, Goomy likes to keep to damp places and Sliggoo's eyes aren't so good

That last one apparently has some pretty dire side effects, as evidenced in the Moon 'Dex. Sliggoo can't tell its trainer from a jelly donut, and given the chance, will casually attempt to kill and consume loved ones. How does it do that? Well, let the Sun Pokedex explain:

"This Pokémon's mucous can dissolve anything. Toothless, it sprays mucous on its prey. Once they're nicely dissolved, it slurps them up."

Holy shit! Sliggoo basically digests its prey before eating them. Imagine taking a snooze and accidentally leaving this Pokemon out of its Pokeball. You could very well wake up to your entire body being disintegrated by acidic snot. Nearby, Sliggoo would be relaxing on a stump, waiting for you to decompose. In retrospect, it makes sense that Sliggoo can't see anything with those cold, dead eyes. 


6. Palossand is a body hoarder

palossand

We've talked before about the horror shows that are the "ghost sandcastle" Pokemon called Sandygast and Palossand -- you know, the ones that psychically enslave children and adults to do their bidding any time they're not sucking Pokemon into a vortex to drown them in dirt and use their departed souls to make more Sandygasts. 

As though that weren't lovely enough, the Sun Pokedex gives a nice visual aid regarding the graveyard that builds under Palossand's walls. It's only logical really (where else would the bones go?), but at the same time the game didn't need to tell us this particularly disturbing detail. That's Nintendo polish, I guess.

7. Mega Aerodactyl

aerodactyl

Mega Evolutions seem to have been replaced somewhat by Alola Form Pokemon in Sun and Moon, but the Pokedex isn't pretending the major feature doesn't exist. In fact, the Pokedex entries for Mega Evolutions seem to indicate that the transformation process hurts the Pokemon. Aerodactyl's blurb is the most explicit, but the others aren't exactly pleasant. 

  • Mega Gyrados: "Mega Evolution also affects its brain, leaving no other function except its destructive instinct to burn everything to cinders." 
  • Mega Salamence: "Mega Evolution fuels its brutality, and it may even turn on the Trainer who raised it. It's been dubbed "the blood-soaked crescent."
  • Mega Glalie: "The excess energy from Mega Evolution spilled over from its mouth, breaking its jaw. It spews endless blizzards."

Mega Evolutions do make Pokemon more formidable, but that surge of power seems akin to torture. At least Mega Lucario looks pretty cool, right?

8. Komala will never wake up

pokemon

As explained on the Pokemon website, no one has ever seen a Komala awake. It's come to be believed that Komalas never even open their eyes. And even though every moment of their lives is spent in slumber, they don't ever want to let go of their own little log, which is something of a safety blanket. An eternal sleepwalker, any actions a Komala takes is a reaction to dreams it's having. It sort of makes you reconsider whether trainers should really catch and battle a Pokemon that doesn't even know what's happening. 

Never gaining true consciousness might sound hellish, but maybe that dream world is a nicer place than our realilty. 

9 + 10. Mankey and Primeape's neverending tantrum

mankey

If we learned anything from Mankey and Primeape's previous Pokedex entries, it's that they're mad. All the time. These guys are like an amalgamation of Lewis Black, Sam Kinison and Alex Jones, all stubbing their toes at the same time. According to the lore, there's so much fury left over at the end of the day that leftover angst wakes Mankeys up in the middle of the night. They're unpredictable assholes and no one likes them. Which only makes things worse. 

Because no one can stand their spontaneous rampages, Mankeys have no friends. And having no friends just gets them more pissed, and they drive away anyone left nearby. And so on, and so on. The cycle continues until that collected hatred makes Mankeys transcend into Primeapes. And they're even madder. 

So when does the cycle of aggression end? According to the Moon Pokedex, only in death. 

primeape

A Mankey's whole life is spent getting more and more furious, evolving into a Primeape and then continuing to lose their shit. There's a breaking point, however, and Primeape dies from sheer rage, presumably popping every blood vessel along the way. It seems as though the only release for Primeape is the sweet embrace of oblivion. In every other waking moment, these poor creatures are in neverending agony.

11. Glalie's dark origins

glalie

Some Pokemon are born evil, and some just evolve that way. By all means, Snorunts are a delightful Pokemon, but both of its branching evolutions belong in horror movies. We'll start with Glalie. Even though previous Pokedex entries taught us that Glalie likes to freeze its prey solid and "enjoy eating it in a leisurely fashion," somehow that wan't sufficiently ghoulish for Game Freak. The new Sun Pokedex reveals that Glalies are said to be the embodiment of a psychic grudge, left over from the final desperate moments of a climber on death's door. That would mean a human being has to die one of the loneliest, most frightening deaths imaginable for a Glalie to be brought into this world. And that doesn't sounds like a fair trade at all. 

12. Guzzlord

guzzlord

Okay, so we're still a little iffy on whether Ultra Beasts are really considered Pokemon, but since Nintendo confirmed that you can capture them, we're going to go ahead and include one. Guzzlord, it is said, has an incredible, insatiable appetite: "It has gobbled mountains and swallowed whole buildings, according to reports," the Sun Pokedex entry reads. Impressive but overall not super surprising given the nature of these otherworldly Ultra Beasts. But then we get to the Moon 'Dex entry, which clarifies that despite eating thousands of tons, the Guzzlord never ever takes a shit. You'd figure that even a large Pokemon that just ate a mountain might have to take a few breaks to pop a squat, but that never happens.

Like the Palossand entry, this is an answer to a question that nobody was really asking. Up to this point, not many people outside of the fan art community ever really thought about Pokemon excrement, but by bringing its absence up with Guzzlord, Nintendo is basically reiterating that that everyone poops -- even Pikachu. As for Guzzlord, maybe it absorbs every single atom of energy in whatever it eats, and thus never has to poop. Seems to work out for Superman.

13. Froslass

frosslass

Snorunt's female evolution starts off a bit like Glalie, but she gets much, much worse. As early as HeartGold and SoulSilver, the legend of Froslass suggests that the icy Pokemon was once a human woman who got lost and perished on a snowy ridge. So far, so Glalie. But the new Pokedex suggests something much more sinister than your run-of-the-mill vengeful spirit. For one, Pokemon Moon says that "The food [Froslass] most relishes is the souls of men." Criminy. So she dines not only on humans, but their very spiritual essence. That's just the people she hates, though. Supposedly when she finds someone she "likes," Froslass encases them in ice and places them around her lair as morbid conversation pieces. If it's anything like the anime, Froslass might keep their heads exposed to keep her prisoners alive but helpless to do anything. 

froslass

Meowth, that's WRONG.

14 + 15. Cubone and Alola Marowak wallow in grief their whole lives

cubone

Of all the sob stories in the Pokemon universe, Cubone's sad tale might be the most well-known. It's common knowledge that Cubone wears the skull of its departed mother as a helmet. You couldn't blame the little guy for crying itself to sleep every night, but that anguish might also put Cubone in mortal danger. To a Mandibuzz, a vulture-like Pokemon, the forlorn wails of a lonely Cubone might as well be a dinner bell. Poor Cubone can't even express grief over the death of its own mother without its life getting even shittier.

It is said that if a Cubone does finally acknowledge that grief, it will become a Marowak. But especially on Alola, that doesn't mean the hurt ends there. 

marowak

Pokemon Sun and Moon continue their streak of adding dark new dimensions to existing backstories with Alola Marowak, a breed specific to the Alola Region. Up to this point, Pokedex entries have been vague about where exactly Marowak gets its bone weapons, but now Game Freak has revealed that they're the bones of Marowak's mother. Whereas before Sun and Moon, Marowak was known for its ferocious temperament, we now know that they spend their time hunting down Mandibuzz on a quest of blood vengeance. Though some entries indicate otherwise, taking these facts together makes it seem as though Cubone does not put aside the pain of its mother's death when it evolves; instead it hardens into a shell around its very being. 

16. Absol 

absol

This misunderstood Pokemon has been associated with disaster since it was introduced back in Ruby/Sapphire. In the past, Absol has been described as having a kind of Spidey-sense that can foretell disaster. Being the stand-up Pokemon that it was, Absol would show up before calamities strike to warn people. But since it arrived shortly before massive disasters, people started wrongly believing it was the root cause of all that plight. Forced out far from civilization, the underappreciated Absol became a mountain hermit, unwilling to help the humans that banished it. We deserve those earthquakes. 

17. Torkoal

torkoal

Those familiar with the Pokemon anime might remember Charmander's tails are its big weak point -- if the fire at the tip of the tail goes out, the Charmander dies. Except it's never described that way in the game itself. In the handheld series, Charmander's tail fire has always been depicted as more of a combination health meter and mood ring; it flickers dimly if Charmander is weak, and ignites when it's healthy and/or pissed off. But you know who does have the I Must Be On Fire At All Times Or I Will Die mandate? Torkoal. 

Everyone's favorite fire turtle Pokemon that isn't the other fire turtle Pokemon has to keep a light burning within its shell simply to stay alive. Though it was first mentioned in the Moon Pokedex, it makes complete sense in light of Torkoal's previous entries. See, older games told us that Torkoals are found in coal mines en masse, hoarding fuel for their life force. It's not for fun -- Torkoals have to work night and day in these mines just to stay alive. Though you'd hope that trainers would keep Torkoal's fires burning, that doesn't really explain what happens if they're stuck in a Pokeball or (more likely, let's be real) Bill's PC for an extended period of time. I'd like to believe those fires can't go out in the digital realm. I'd like to believe that.

18. Slowbro

slowbro

Slowpokes are known for being some of the dimmest Pokemon around, but that's why we love them. They're the Ralph Wiggums of the Pokemon world. When they get hurt, you feel bad, sure, but you can usually take solace in the fact that Slowpokes are basically walking fish -- there's not a lot going on in terms of cognitive function or nerve receptors. As chronicled in many Pokedex entries, if something bites Slowpoke's tail, it might not feel it for a full day. 

But when Shellder bites Slowpoke's tail, it forms a parasitic relationship that together is known as a Slowbro. Though Slowpokes are space cadets of the highest order already, Shellder is actually making Slowbro's life worse. As it turns out, Shellder is constantly secreting poison that makes its way through Slowbro's bloodstream. It stops all pain, which can be a bonus, but the toxin also makes Slowbro even dumber than it already is. It's miraculous that Slowbros can breathe at all, much less fight for the entertainment and profit of children.

19. Shiinotic

shiinotic

If there's a hard and fast rule when it comes to Pokemon lore, it's this: Don't trust anything with a smiley face. Case in point: the soulless expression of Shiinotic, a mushroom Pokemon that kind of looks like Jigglypuff is giving it a blowjob at all times. Though Sun's Pokedex makes a mystery out of the fate of those who come across a Shiinotic's hypnotic light show in the woods, we can hazard a guess as to what happens.

The key is in Moon's Pokedex:

Shiinotic: It emits flickering spores that cause drowsiness. When its prey succumb to sleep, this Pokémon feeds on them by sucking in their energy.

So it sounds like those "strange lights" previously mentioned are probably Shiinotic's sleep spores. Anyone who finds themselves dozing off in front of a Shiinotic will have their "energy" sucked out, after which we can assume it'll look like you drank from the wrong Grail. If that sounds like your thing, by all means, roam the woods at night. 

20. Drifloon is an abomination with "standards"

drifloon

Let's end on a lighter note: Child kidnapping! For generations, Drifloon has terrified fans who know that it's more than just a balloon with some whipped cream on its head. It's a balloon that tricks children into holding onto it so it can steal them from their parents. Not much has changed for Sun and Moon's Pokedex, with the exception of one extra wrinkle: Drifloon "dislikes heavy children." You read that right. This psychotic serial killer is choosy with its victims based on body shape. Of all the repugnant things on this list, "No fatties" is among the worst. Okay, it's not darker than decorating your ice cave with humansicles, but it's still pretty rude. 


Tristan Cooper can be found on Twitter.