We previously covered 15 Pokemon with extremely disturbing Pokedex entries - but ya know what? There are A LOT of Pokemon with weird, unsettling Pokedex descriptions, and we sorta HAD to do another one.
"It was banished for its violence. It silently gazed upon the old world from the Distortion World." (Platinum)
BANISHED FOR VIOLENCE?!? The world of Pokemon is one where violence is the only thing that matters - Pokemon are bred and used SPECIFICALLY for their ability to commit acts of terrible, horrifying violence against each other. Wild Pokemon attack ANYONE they come across for no reason ALL THE TIME. All Pokemon are horrifically violent - and we can't really blame them! They've been enslaved by humanity, for one - and not only that, they've been forced into constantly battling their own kind for the benefit of their trainers.
So what does it take to be BANISHED for violence? Keep in mind some Pokemon just straight up murder children as their primary mode of behavior, and THEY don't get banished for anything. Plus, WHO exactly was capable of banishing a Pokemon so hyper-violent that it would require banishment?
Basically, Giratina is Lucifer, the fallen angel. That's right - this is the fucking DEVIL...except 10 year olds can use him to fight Pidgeys.
"Using their very hot, flame-covered tongues, they burn through Durant's steel bodies and consume their insides."
The ecology of the Pokemon world is a strange one - do all Pokemon act like regular animals? Do they eat each other? There are a few entries that indicate that yes, some DO eat each other (namely Magikarp), but nothing quite so grim as Heatmor - who not only eats a specific Pokemon, but does so by BURNING THROUGH THAT POKEMON'S BODY and CONSUMING THEIR INNARDS.
That's some Hannibal Lecter shit, and especially messed up for a fun kiddie Nintendo game.
"Its powerful stomach acid is capable of digesting almost anything. The one thing in the whole world a Swalot can't digest is its own stomach." (Emerald)
First sentence analysis: okay - so it has some pretty capable stomach acid, but they say "almost anything," which gives them enough wiggle room and vagueness that it doesn't sound CRAZY powerful or anything. As long as they avoid specifics, this Pokemon doesn't sound too impressive.
Second sentence analysis: ...shit.
So, by "almost anything" it means literally everything that exists EXCEPT itself (which is good - don't wanna have to deal with stomach acid paradoxes here). So, if we do take this Pokedex entry as written, Swalot's stomach acid is the most acidic compound in existence. It can digest any kind of matter - from steel to the stars themselves.
Never really thought about this, but EVERY CREATURE in Pokemon should be terrified of this kissy-faced blob-dude.
"If it senses sadness with its fluffy fur, a Blissey will rush over to the sad person, however far away, to share an egg of happiness that brings a smile to any face." (Emerald)
"Anyone who takes even one bite of Blissey's egg becomes unfailingly caring and pleasant to everyone." (Gold)
Blissey is the ultimate empathetic best friend - when you're feeling down, Blissey's there for you! And they also bring with them an egg that's guaranteed to bring happiness to you (so, uh, I guess it's some kind psychotropic LSD egg or something? Best not to question the mechanics of happiness eggs too much). Here are the problems though:
Blissey can sense sadness everywhere in the world and will travel to the sad person HOWEVER FAR AWAY - this could make for a busy schedule, given literally every human being on the planet has at least a fleeting moment of sadness every day (to say nothing for people consumed by depression and mental anxiety). In essence, Blissey will have to travel to pretty much every person in existence.
...for a moment that is - for, once Blissey makes you take a bite of its happiness egg, you become blissfully happy (in addition to being pretty grossed out that you just took a bite out of a raw egg). Like, in way that calls to mind a Stepford Wives-style zombie-esque kind of perma-happiness.
Eventually - given Blissey's ability to travel anywhere in the world AND its ability to make everyone infinitely happy with its eggs - Blissey will have created a world where everyone is unfailingly caring and pleasant by overriding everyone's personalities with its drugged-out eggs. It sounds nice, but it also sounds like every single dystopian story ever written - when you remove the ability to feel sadness, does happiness even mean anything?
Blissey is the Pokemon of dystopia, which is definitely unexpected.
"Dustox is instinctively drawn to light. Swarms of this Pokémon are attracted by the bright light of cities, where they wreak havoc by stripping the leaves off roadside trees for food." (Ruby)
"It scatters horribly toxic dust when it senses danger. They tend to gather in the glow of streetlamps at night." (FireRed)
"When Dustox flaps its wings, a fine dust is scattered all over. This dust is actually a powerful poison that will even make a pro wrestler sick. This Pokémon searches for food using its antennae like radar." (Sapphire)
Oh wow - Dustox might be the biggest menace to humanity in the world of Pokemon and no one even realizes it. They are all intrinsically drawn to cities and lights (aka basically anywhere where humans reside and have electricity) and they are CONSTANTLY spreading their "horribly toxic dust" both when they sense danger (which should be ALWAYS since - as a Pokemon - there are humans trying to enslave you constantly) and just any time they flat their wings (which is probably A LOT).
That means Dustoxes are basically constantly covering cities in a fog of toxic dust, and not even pro wrestlers can stop them. Run, Vince McMahon, run for your life.
"Vigoroth is always itching and agitated to go on a wild rampage. It simply can't tolerate sitting still for even a minute. This Pokémon's stress level rises if it can't be moving constantly." (Ruby)
Vigoroth needs to be moving constantly, which isn't TOO much of a problem for most animals. But in the world of Pokemon, circumstances are a bit different - especially if it gets caught by a trainer, and therefore trapped in a tiny ball for 95% of its life (best case scenario) or trapped in a digital computer world for 100% of its life (most likely scenario, because who the hell keeps Vigoroth in their main team?).
Basically, Vigoroth is going to be CONSTANTLY pissed off and stressed out FOREVER.
"When they evolve, two Binacle multiply into seven. They fight with the power of seven Binacle." (X)
"Barbaracle's legs and hands have minds of their own, and they will move independently. But they usually follow the head's orders." (Y)
Behold the plight of Barbaracle - literally the bodies and consciousnesses of 2 Binacles that have multiplied by 3.5 and fused together. As if the idea of individual beings multiplying AND fusing together (imagine if you and a sibling suddenly turned into ONE BEING with SEVEN MINDS) wasn't weird and unsettling enough, there's an important distinction as to where these consciousnesses lie: the head, the hands, and the legs.
The head has it pretty good - they get to (mostly) be 'in charge' of the body and give orders to the other 6. And the hands even have it okay - sure, they have to punch things using what is essentially their faces, but...at least they got it better than the feet.
The feet-minds of Barbaracle got it rough - see, Barbaracle is a biped, meaning it stands on its two legs. And since the faces exist where they do on each section of Barbaracle, that means two Barbaracle minds are CONSTANTLY just smashed up against the ground at all times. If you had two faces that lived on the bottom of your feet, you might feel kiiinda guilty for ever walking, right?
"It is said that Golurk were ordered to protect people and Pokémon by the ancient people who made them." (White)
Oh man, poor Golurks - first, they were created to be servants, lacking the free will to choose how they would live their lives (at least most Pokemon only become servants once captured). Second, their task is to protect people and Pokemon, and that makes what happens to them even more messed up.
Let's start with "protecting Pokemon" - Golurks, by the very nature of the game, have basically one purpose: HURT OTHER POKEMON. Like, every Pokemon they can possibly find, the goal is to beat that Pokemon to the point of near unconsciousness so that the other Pokemon can be enslaved. Great.
And as for "protecting people"...well, you could argue that by fighting for trainers, they are protecting them. But the bummer of this all is that the trainers have chosen to ENSLAVE the Golurk like any other Pokemon - they're FORCING the Golurk to do their bidding, even though the Golurk would have theoretically done it out of its very nature to begin with. It's trying to protect people who treat it not like a living thing, but like a weapon.
Golurk is basically The Iron Giant except with an ending where it STAYS a weapon.