Disney heroes don't really behave in the smartest ways - they don't tell people how they really feel, they don't recognize the villain's schemes, and - most importantly - they don't use BASIC LOGIC to make rational decisions like 99% of the time.

So we thought to ourselves - how would WE have acted if we were in their positions? The answer: we would be a lot more proactive and the movies would be a LOT shorter.

 

 

1. Snow White

Disney Alternate Endings Comic Snow White

I mean - honestly - WHAT THE HELL ARE THE DWARFS DOING WITH ALL OF THOSE DIAMONDS? They mine SO MANY diamonds and other assorted gems EVERY SINGLE DAY and yet somehow can only afford to live in a tiny hut and can't even afford medicine for Sneezy (who probably REALLY needs to see a doctor).

 

2. Simba

Disney Alternate Endings Comic Lion King

Like, who WOULDN'T believe that Scar is super-evil? Plus, kinda hard to believe Simba didn't know his uncle was involved, since he was the one who set the meeting at the bottom of Stampede Canyon (and it's even harder to believe Simba didn't hear his uncle yell "LONG LIVE THE KING!" right before Mufasa screamed in pain and fell to his death). So get over your guilt (really, none of this was your fault, Simba) and tell the rest of the pride that your obviously evil uncle (HIS NAME IS SCAR FOR GOD'S SAKE) is...obviously evil. They'll buy it. 

 

3. Cinderella

Disney Alternate Endings Comic Cinderella

For real - how is Prince Charming basing his search (for a woman he supposedly fell in love with) on shoe size? Unless he's a Quentin Tarantino-esque foot fetishist, he probably would have noticed she was smoking hot and didn't really look anything like her two ugly stepsisters.

 

4. Aladdin

Disney Alternate Endings Comic Aladdin

LOOPHOLES, ALADDIN, LEARN THE LOOPHOLES! 

 

5. Mulan

Disney Alternate Endings Comic Mulan

Mulan literally had a talking dragon with her - just because it was a little goofy and small and talked like the Donkey from Shrek doesn't mean that's not impressive as hell. Although really, her ghostly ancestors had ghost powers and the ability to summon magical creatures, maybe they could have helped out a little more in the whole "defending China from barbarian invaders" thing.

 

6. Belle

Disney Alternate Endings Comic Beauty and the Beast

Dude, the Beast had it pretty sweet - he was an awesome, super-strong beast-man (with a great singing voice). It was probably something of a raw deal for the servants (WHAT HAPPENED TO THEIR GENITALS?), but a pretty great deal for Belle. You do you, Belle.

 

7. Ariel

Disney Alternate Endings Comic The Little Mermaid

Then again, she doesn't know what a "fork" was, there's a pretty good chance she's illiterate, right? I mean, she at least didn't read the fine print on that magic contract she signed.

 

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