pocket master

If you were wondering to what depths mobile developers would sink to in order to drain all of your money, here we are. We've arrived at the Mariana Trench of bad taste, official known as "Pocket Masters." The clearly unofficial, in-no-way authorized Pokemon riff replaces the famous critters with similarly-dressed anime girls, and is somehow available right now on iOS and Android.

I know you have a lot of questions, namely of which is probably "What even is this?" The answer is kind of disappointing, but pretty obvious: It's a shitty mobile strategy game. 

Gameplay-wise it's the same bland free-to-play garbage with the presumed microtransaction hooks that will turn off all but a few people who would pay any amount to fill their Waifudex. 

Really what's extraordinary about this is just how brazen the developer is in ripping off the Pokemon brand wholesale. There is absolutely no effort put into hiding the fact that this is a ripoff of one of the world's most popular franchises. The names don't change -- Mewtwo is Mewtwo, only now she's an uncomfortably sexy anime lady.


The translation is horrible, but they always manage to spell their plagiarized names just right. Isn't that right, Charizard?


Yes, these girls -- these anime girls that you collect and battle -- can even evolve into even more unsettling human versions of your childhood favorites. They're almost exclusively girls... except for Moltres, for reasons that are not explained. 


Even Professor Oak is in on the action.

dr oak

It all seems sort of unbelievable, but it's made even more baffling by the fact that this isn't the first time this company has ripped off Pokemon and made money on mobile phones. There was another game, Pocket Master Saga, that does away with the anime girls and just takes straight-up Pokemon without any redesigns whatsoever. 

pocket master saga

So how the hell are they getting away with this? Well, to be blunt, Apple and Google don't give a shit. When someone threw up a pirated copy of Pokemon Yellow on the App Store a few years ago, it was at the top of the charts for days before anyone took action. The same could happen to Pocket Masters, so if you're morbidly curious and don't mind staining your phone (and browser history) with this soulless trash, it's probably best to check it out sooner than later. 

Thanks to the internet spelunkers at NeoGAF for unearthing this accursed thing.