3. Turn-A Gundam (Turn-A Gundam)

turn a gundam

Turn-A Gundam doesn't look that ridiculous. At first it seems pretty tame, especially when you compare it to the bombastic stereotypes of G Gundam, or the weapon-laden self-parodies of Gundam Wing. Then you notice that Turn-A Gundam also has a massive, robotic handlebar mustache. So there's that. Look a little closer -- or rather further down -- and you might notice why it's included on this list. Just there, below the mecha's waistline, is the tiny amber bubble which houses its pilot. That's the Turn-A Gundam's cockpit, located directly at the head of the unit's groin.

The fact that this walking war machine has a cockpit located where its actual cock would be is such a tremendously perfect confluence of sight gags and double entendres that we would be legally negligent not to point it out. It doesn't end there, either. The notably tubular shape of the mass hanging below the domed protrusion completes the picture. The entire thing has the look of a robot desperately trying, but failing to hide a titanium erection in its high waisted jeans. The picture is only complete, however, when you gaze into the self-serious look cemented over that incredible 'stache.

This design has, of course, been highly influential. You can see elements of it in the robot dick lasers of the original Metal Gear Solid, robot dick flamethrowers in Metal Gear Solid: Peace Walker, and the just-plain-massive-dicks from Zone of the Enders. Hm. Maybe that's just a Hideo Kojima thing.


 4. Gundam "Dendrobium" (Mobile Suit Gundam)


Another contestant from Mobile Suit Gundam, "Dendrobium" is the perfect example of how most problems in the Gundam multi-verse are solved: With bigger, more elaborate guns. And this is in a competition that includes a mecha so strapped it was actually named Heavyarms.

It's not an entirely fair contest, though, given that "Dendrobium" is more like two Gundams in one. There's the "Dendrobium Stamen," which is more like the traditional sort of Gundam you'd expect: two arms, two legs, and that boxy little goatee no one's ever figured out a use for. Then there's "Dendrobium Orchis," which the Gundam itself wears like a sort of backpack. Except instead of binders and textbooks the Orchis is filled with oversized bazookas and rocket launchers that fire more rocket launchers.

Tactically, this seems perfectly effective, if not necessarily efficient. Why go to the trouble of making a battleship that can stick a largely superfluous robot inside of it? Why not build a ship that can transport multiple Gundams at once?  Because that wouldn't look as cool as a robot cutting a battleship in half with a sword three times its own size.

The one, admittedly important foible here is that the Gundam's head and other important bits basically compose a tiny, colorful bullseye in the center of the weapons platform. This has two very important effects. The first is that it offers the enemy a fun and engaging game wherein they earn points by trying to hit as close to the bizarre exposure as possible. The second is that it makes the "Dendrobium" itself look painfully adorable. Just look at that tiny little head! The entire machine has the look of an adorable five-year-old trying on their parent's business suit.