1. Bruce Willis's Obsession with Youth

During his multi-decade career, Bruce Willis keeps returning to the same plot: him meeting his younger self.

 

The Kid

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Bruce Willis is an image consultant, which is a fancy job that I thought only existed in Shonda Rhimes shows. The irony is Willis helps others better their image, but he never takes a good, hard look at himself. The moment he decides to reflect on what a shithead he is, some ambiguous, convenient magic happens and he comes face to face with his 8 year old self.

For some reason, meeting his younger self makes Willis realize what an asshat he's been. Meanwhile, the negative feedback he's received from friends and co-workers for years has had literally no impact.

 

Twelve Monkeys

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Bruce Willis is not an image consultant but a convict-turned-time traveler, which is a much more plausible career. He's sent back in time to prevent a dangerous virus outbreak and to hang out with a handsome, charming maniac (Brad Pitt doing what he does best). Throughout the movie, Willis remembers that when he was a young boy, he saw a man shot to death in an airport. The movie closes with Willis running through an airport and sacrificing his life to try to stop the virus as his younger self looks on, completing the time loop, meaning that nothing has changed and the virus is still gonna kill everyone. But, hey, at least he gets to look Jimmy Buffett-cool as he bleeds to death in a Hawaiian shirt and handlebar mustache.

Bruce Willis's younger self is just not impressed with this airport gunfight. He's seen better airport gunfights before.

 

Looper

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When Bruce Willis meets his younger self in Looper, what he should have said was, "Not you again." Willis ends up reuniting again with his younger self because of another implausible career: hitman/time traveler or "looper." Future criminals come up with a brilliant scheme: if you want someone to disappear, send them back in time to be assassinated by a looper. Being a looper is a sweet gig except each looper must assassinate his future self, closing the loop. The only person who escapes this fate? Ole B.W., of course.

Joseph Gordon-Levitt's amazing performance as younger Bruce Willis puts all the previous child actors who played younger Bruce Willis to shame. Those child actors were amateurs.

 

I think it's safe to assume that Bruce Willis can't let go of his youth. He keeps doing the kind of action movies he did in his twenties and thirties, and he keeps shaving his head. And who has hairless heads? Babies. You guys, Bruce Willis wants to be a baby. Don't believe me? He voiced the baby in Look Who's Talking! I can't wait to see Bruce Willis's next blockbuster: A Good Day to Diaper Hard.

 

2. Leslie Mann's Potty Humor

Leslie Mann's husband, Judd Apatow, is known for writing potty-mouthed characters, but based on her film career, it's Leslie who's obsessed with potties.

 

Knocked Up

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After her sister accidentally becomes pregnant, Leslie Mann's character, in an effort to express solidarity, takes a pregnancy test. This was the first time film captured Leslie Mann sitting on the toilet and little did we know, it would not be the last.

 

The Change-Up

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The movie's premise is like Freaky Friday except slightly less disturbing because a daughter doesn't inhabit the body that birthed her: Ryan Reynolds and Jason Bateman swap bodies after peeing into a public fountain together (the classic bonding ritual of bros everywhere). Instead of letting all their friends and family know that magic is real and the universal laws of reality are wrong, they decide to temporarily live as each other. That terrible decision leads to this memorable moment, captured in the movie's trailer, in which body-swapped Ryan Reynolds watches his best friend's wife experience what I like to call the Running of the Bowels.

 

This is 40

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This movie is more of a montage than a traditional plot-driven flick. But it's not one of those happy montages set to good music. It's one of those depressing montages that show how growing older and getting married and having kids and pretty much everything is really awful, as demonstrated by this scene when Leslie Mann corners her husband in the bathroom and accuses him of pooping to escape family time.

 

Leslie Mann's potty-centric scenes are often used to demonstrate how marriage affects the romance in a relationship. What I think it demonstrates is Mann's in a romantic relationship with a toilet. Or she just thinks toilets are really, really funny. Which they are.