We should probably get this out of the way: This article about sex scenes is NSFW. If you hadn't guessed that already, it's far too late now.
To be clear, this is not an anime about a hamster-sex coach, which is a personal trainer that helps people fuck small rodents. Instead, Oruchuban Ebichu stars a housekeeping hamster who wants nothing more than for her master to be happy in love. The titular Ebichu doles out unwanted advice to her twenty-something owner on a constant basis, sort of like an angel on your shoulder that happens to be a terrible wingman.
Much of the humor in this comedic series stems from the fact that hamsters don't know a ton about human sexuality.
Ebichu is certainly well-meaning, but her lack of expertise and fondness for yelling about blowjobs in public places makes her more of a nuisance than anything. Even when her owner smacks her across the room (at least five times in every 8-minute episode), Ebichu still manages to get up and make sure her master gets down.
It might sound like animal abuse, but you can't really blame the unnamed master. You'd do the same thing if you heard a squeaky voice criticizing your boyfriend's nipple-sucking technique.
Ebichu appears to have a basic knowledge of fornication, but it would seem as though her tiny hamster brain didn't have enough room to retain essential traits like "inhibition" or "shame," or "being able to tell when two people genuinely wanna do butt stuff."
Unlike the extended body pillow commercials that make up the rest of this list, the sex scenes in Oruchuban Ebichu are somewhat grounded. Overall the show is a lighthearted and even sweet view on the trials of a twenty-something female's life in the dating world; it's like an anime version of Sex and the City, except there's a hamster and nobody is a shitty human being.
But you're probably not here for slice-of-life comedies, so from here on out it's gonna get weird. Remember: You wanted this.
We covered Food Wars: Shokugeki no Soma when the trailer first arrived, and the internet proceeded to go bonkers. It was for good reason -- even for anime, Food Wars is pretty far out there. The show follows Soma Yukihira (the beautiful anime teen seen above on the far right), as he attends an exclusive cooking academy in effort to become a world-class culinary master.
It's sort of like Pokemon, but instead of battles people just dramatically chomp into small portions of food.
Soma is just out of middle school, but his skill is already considerable. Whenever someone bites into some of his cooking, the sheer succulence is enough to rip the clothes off of the consumer and leave them writhing in estatic agony.
Stylistically, these moments have a lot in common with the scenes in Sailor Moon where Serena transforms. But instead of putting new clothes back on, the people in Food Wars just stay naked and have volcanic light orgasms.
Each chapter of the series follows the same formula; Soma meets adversary, Soma makes delicious but unexpected meal, and one or more people come in their pants because of what they've just eaten.
If you pay attention to the show, there's actually some interesting information about food preparation, but it's always immediately overshadowed by a female creaming her jeans after tasting Soma's latest dish.
It's not enough for Soma's patrons to be supernaturally stimulated by having one taste of his heavenly cooking. No, they had to add in dozens of little angel Somas tickling the boobs and ass of a female nonbeliever.
Food Wars will probably never have a full-on sex scene, but it seems doubtful that these people will ever feel anything good in their lives ever again.