Kumail Nanjiani is a crazy hilarious standup comedian with legit nerd cred. He hosts two podcasts (one about video games and one about X-Files), he appears on Silicon Valley, Portlandia and Adventure Time AND, most importantly, he openly tweets about how The Lord of the Rings makes him cry.
"Hey. What if we showed the origin of that thing that doesn't need an origin?" - origin story of the origin story -- Kumail Nanjiani (@kumailn) March 11, 2015
"Hey. What if we showed the origin of that thing that doesn't need an origin?" - origin story of the origin story
I wanna make a movie where 2 people who seem to have nothing in common meet & then go their own ways because they have nothing in common. -- Kumail Nanjiani (@kumailn) March 20, 2015
I wanna make a movie where 2 people who seem to have nothing in common meet & then go their own ways because they have nothing in common.
Really spellcheck? No suggestions for "tonorrow?" -- Kumail Nanjiani (@kumailn) March 20, 2015
Really spellcheck? No suggestions for "tonorrow?"
Just stood in line for the bathroom without me phone and now I know how the pilgrims felt. -- Kumail Nanjiani (@kumailn) March 23, 2015
Just stood in line for the bathroom without me phone and now I know how the pilgrims felt.
I once found four dead kittens in my backyard. I was 8. Sending out a tweet with a typo feels worse. -- Kumail Nanjiani (@kumailn) March 23, 2015
I once found four dead kittens in my backyard. I was 8. Sending out a tweet with a typo feels worse.
The only way to not feel buyer's remorse when new tech is announced is to never upgrade your tech at all. sent from my PalmPilot -- Kumail Nanjiani (@kumailn) March 9, 2015
The only way to not feel buyer's remorse when new tech is announced is to never upgrade your tech at all. sent from my PalmPilot
Aladdin and Jasmine totally fuck on that magic carpet right? Trying to settle a bet. -- Kumail Nanjiani (@kumailn) March 6, 2015
Aladdin and Jasmine totally fuck on that magic carpet right? Trying to settle a bet.
I don't love RPG's. But I play them because I get off on reading the phrase "Loot Bag Almost Full." -- Kumail Nanjiani (@kumailn) March 5, 2015
I don't love RPG's. But I play them because I get off on reading the phrase "Loot Bag Almost Full."
There should be a word for the fear you feel when you haven't played a video game in a long time and wanna pick it up again. -- Kumail Nanjiani (@kumailn) March 1, 2015
There should be a word for the fear you feel when you haven't played a video game in a long time and wanna pick it up again.
I host podcasts about video games & The X-Files. I've ensured that all correspondence I get is major corrections about minor misspeaks. -- Kumail Nanjiani (@kumailn) February 26, 2015
I host podcasts about video games & The X-Files. I've ensured that all correspondence I get is major corrections about minor misspeaks.
Spider Man isn't black! He's white and red and blue in certain parts! -- Kumail Nanjiani (@kumailn) February 23, 2015
Spider Man isn't black! He's white and red and blue in certain parts!
Terrifying thought: The person who coined "LOL" is probably still alive out there, just walking the streets. -- Kumail Nanjiani (@kumailn) February 14, 2015
Terrifying thought: The person who coined "LOL" is probably still alive out there, just walking the streets.
Spider-Man: Hi! What have you been up to? Avengers: Saving the world from cyborg aliens. You? Spider-Man: Fought a guy in a rhino outf-- nm. -- Kumail Nanjiani (@kumailn) February 10, 2015
Spider-Man: Hi! What have you been up to? Avengers: Saving the world from cyborg aliens. You? Spider-Man: Fought a guy in a rhino outf-- nm.
I scared my cat and she farted. This is now the greatest accomplishment of my life. -- Kumail Nanjiani (@kumailn) October 25, 2014
I scared my cat and she farted. This is now the greatest accomplishment of my life.
Game of War sounds like a game your mom would make up when she's telling someone what you do all day. -- Kumail Nanjiani (@kumailn) February 1, 2015
Game of War sounds like a game your mom would make up when she's telling someone what you do all day.
If Chris Pratt is gonna be the new Indiana Jones I'm totally up for being his Short Round or whatever. -- Kumail Nanjiani (@kumailn) January 27, 2015
If Chris Pratt is gonna be the new Indiana Jones I'm totally up for being his Short Round or whatever.
Netflix should have a feature where it gives you a mild electric shock if you've been browsing for over 10 minutes. -- Kumail Nanjiani (@kumailn) January 24, 2015
Netflix should have a feature where it gives you a mild electric shock if you've been browsing for over 10 minutes.
On Rainbow Road, the star is a false friend. -- Kumail Nanjiani (@kumailn) January 23, 2015
On Rainbow Road, the star is a false friend.
Humbling that Netflix recs gets me more than any human being. -- Kumail Nanjiani (@kumailn) January 19, 2015
Humbling that Netflix recs gets me more than any human being.
If two people have a conversation and it doesn't get recorded for a podcast, did it even happen? -- Kumail Nanjiani (@kumailn) January 17, 2015
If two people have a conversation and it doesn't get recorded for a podcast, did it even happen?
There are parts of Lord of the Rings that I can't talk about without crying hi I am a grown man. -- Kumail Nanjiani (@kumailn) January 12, 2015
There are parts of Lord of the Rings that I can't talk about without crying hi I am a grown man.
Where are the orc women guys? -- Kumail Nanjiani (@kumailn) January 4, 2015
Where are the orc women guys?
Tip for 2015: Try masturbating to the Jurassic Park theme song. It feels epic as shit. -- Kumail Nanjiani (@kumailn) January 1, 2015
Tip for 2015: Try masturbating to the Jurassic Park theme song. It feels epic as shit.
"Oh haven't played that game in a while. Let's throw that in!" *watches update screen for 4 hours* -- Kumail Nanjiani (@kumailn) January 1, 2015
"Oh haven't played that game in a while. Let's throw that in!" *watches update screen for 4 hours*
When I was a kid, I really thought piranhas were going to be pretty much a daily concern. -- Kumail Nanjiani (@kumailn) December 1, 2014
When I was a kid, I really thought piranhas were going to be pretty much a daily concern.
I said Saruman when I meant Sauron. This is the most shameful moment of my entire life. -- Kumail Nanjiani (@kumailn) February 2, 2015
I said Saruman when I meant Sauron. This is the most shameful moment of my entire life.