This is about the Original Trilogy only. No prequels, no comics, no expanded universe, not even the weird stuff Lucas added in the Special Editions. There's a time and place for Mara Jade and her army of CGI dewbacks, but it's not now.


6. Darth Vader should be using Force Choke all the time


They use the Force somewhat sparingly in the old trilogy, but one of the most consistent use-cases comes when Darth Vader chokes someone out. Though it looks like Vader is pinching his fingers together to play the world's tiniest leather-bound violin, the Force Choke is an S-Class power move that renders its target instantly incapacitated. To paraphrase William Faulkner, Force Choke is "OP as shit." Vader isn't afraid to use this formidable weapon to keep his chucklehead officers in line; not only is it a tool for ruling through fear, but it's also an expedient way to terminate employment.

But Vader doesn't use this trick nearly enough. His asphynxiation game is clearly on-point, as Vader shows when he suffocates a dude he sees on a TV screen. 

When Admiral Ozzel failed Vader for the last time, the two of them were miles apart on the same gargantuan spaceship -- so we know the range of Force Choke is pretty insane. But when it comes time to go outside and assist with the attack on the Death Star, Vader just sorta throws that trump card the window and wings it with regular technology. Luke's X-Wing should be an easy target for the man who Obi-Wan called "the best star pilot in the galaxy," but Vader totally whiffs it.

Why would Vader bother fiddling with his Microsoft Sidewinder joystick when he could just as easily reach out and crush the esophogus belonging to this last scrappy X-Wing pilot? He wouldn't even have to completely close off Luke's throat, because he just needs to cause a break in concentration and suddenly there's be a new Rebel-shaped skidmark in that narrow Lego trench. Hell, Vader could've broken out Force Push -- even Force Nudge -- to and he could have blown that thing and gone home. Don't be afraid to abuse your sorceror's ways, Lord Vader.


5. Luke murders dozens of innocents on Jabba's sail barge 


Though Return of the Jedi has its critics, you gotta admit that the opening is pretty cool. Yeah, the plan to rescue Han Solo seems half-baked at best, but it's easy to overlook that to get a peek inside Jabba's palace. The first quarter of the movie is basically a jailbreak set in a scummier, more villainous version of the Cantina from A New Hope. Plus we get to see America's childhood crush in an unnecessary, demeaning and super-hot gold bikini. RotJ wraps up the opening act pretty nicely -- Leia gets revenge on her oppressor and Luke destroys Jabba's sail barge on the way out.

Huh, looking at it now, that kind of seems like overkill, right? At this point, Jabba is dead and Luke has already taken care of most of the bad guys. All the main series players got out safely, but that still doesn't account for all those left behind in the explosion. Nobody's gonna shed a tear for Jabba's chihuahua-bird-rat thing, but what about all those musicians still on the ship? Did Max Rebo really deserve to have the flesh melted off of his squishy blue elephant body?

You could go the Clerks route and say that the casualties are akin to those that died on the second Death Star -- anyone at Jabba's Palace knew the risks of associating with a notorious gangster and should have been prepared to face the consequences of that lifestyle. And that might be a fair argument.

Except for the part where Jabba kept slaves.


It's not like Jabba had that gold bikini whipped up especially for Leia. At best, it's probably a leftover from his last unwilling female companion. And since most of the cast is kept imprisoned during their stay at Jabba's place, we can assume that at least a few other residents aren't living there by choice. Think about it -- if you were a green dancing girl, would you consciously ply your trade at a place where you could become Rancor chow if your boss was feeling especially grumpy on a given day?

There are definitely a lot of guards who rise up against the heroes when the action starts outside the Sarlaac pit, but you can see a gaggle of helpless bystanders scurrying around when Leia makes her move on Jabba. 

In all likelihood, those poor souls probably perished after Luke pointed the mounted gun at the deck of the ship.

Imagine you fell into a debt with Jabba the Hutt either via bad luck or happenstance, or maybe he just thought you looked pretty and deserved to be added to his collection. You'd eke out a sorry existence for yourself among the worst forms of life in the galaxy, barely scraping by with your life, year after year. Suddenly Luke and Leia overthrow your captor, and before you have time to be overjoyed, you're incinterated by the same people you thought to be your saviors.

I don't know how Luke lives with himself. Maybe Jedi mind tricks work in the mirror.